Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 38: Episode 2
Low-Information Voters Of America
Undecided Voter #1 (Catherine)…..Cecily Strong
Undecided Voter #2 (David)…..Taran Killam
Undecided Voter #3 (Andrea)…..Nasim Pedrad
Undecided Voter #4 (Jonathan)…..Bill Hader
Undecided Voter #5 (Ben)…..Tim Robinson
Undecided Voter #6 (Sarah)…..Vanessa Bayer
Undecided Voter #7 (Albert)…..??
[SUPER: “This election will determine the future of our country. And this election will be determined by the Undecided Voter.”]
Undecided Voter #1: It seems that more than 96% of voters have already made up their minds about this election. Well, I guess some of us are just a little bit harder to please. Were not impressed by political spin or thirty second sound bites. Before you get our vote, youre going to have to answer some questions. Questions like…[dissolve to undecided voter #2]
Undecided Voter #2: [Over TEXT] When is the election? How soon do we have to decide?[dissolve to undecided voter #3]
Undecided Voter #3: [Over TEXT ] What are the names of the two people running? And be specific.[dissolve to undecided voter #4]
Undecided Voter #4: [Over TEXT] Who is the president right now? Is he or she running? Because if so, experience is maybe something we should consider.[dissolve to undecided voters #5 and #6]
Undecided Voter #5: [Over TEXT] How long is a presidents term of office? One year? Two years? Three years? Or life? [camera moves over to show the mans wife]
Undecided Voter #6: Because if its for life, frankly, were not comfortable with that. We dont need to be electing a dictator. [dissolve to another undecided voter]
Undecided Voter #7: What happens if the president dies? Has anyone thought about who would replace him? Whats your plan, gentlemen?
Undecided Voter #3: [Over TEXT] Can women vote? Because if not, as a woman, Ive got a big problem with that. And by the way, if men cant vote, in my opinion, thats just as wrong.[dissolve back to undecided voter #4]
Undecided Voter #4: [Over TEXT] We hear a lot about our dependence on foreign oil, but just what is oil? And what is it used for?[dissolve back to undecided voter #2]
Undecided Voter #1: [Over TEXT] Can a woman have a baby just from French kissing?
Undecided Voter #5: [Over TEXT] If you burp, fart, and sneeze at the same time, will you die?[dissolve back to undecided voter #7]
Undecided Voter #5: [Over TEXT] Wheres my power cord?[dissolve back to undecided voter #1]
Undecided Voter #1: We are Americas undecided voters. Theres still a lot we dont know.[cut to view of all undecided voters]
All: And we want answers!
Announcer: [Over TEXT] “Low-information voters of America is responsible for the content of this advertising.
Submitted by: Adam Rapfogel