SNL Transcripts: Daniel Craig: 10/06/12


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 38: Episode 3

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Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:


Bit Players:

October 6th, 2012

Daniel Craig



Chris Parnell


First Presidential DebateSummary: President Barack Obama (Jay Pharoah) is severely disoriented during his first Presidential debate aganst Mitt Romney (Jason Sudeikis).

Recurring Characters: Jim Lehrer, President Barack Obama, Mitt Romney.



Daniel Craig’s MonologueSummary: Having now starred in three James Bond films, Daniel Craig presents an “In Memorium” of the many bad guys he’s killed in his films.

Construction WorkersSummary: Jack (Daniel Craig) keeps making unsophisticated comments while trying to fit in with his fellow lewd construction workers.


Bond 50Summary: The ultimate James Bond Blu-Ray collection features a bevy of babes and unlikely Bond girls from throughout the 50-year franchise.

Recurring Characters: Jodie Foster, Ellen Degeneres, Penny Marshall.

Three Days Later: A Look Back at the Obama Debate DisasterSummary: The liberal news media tries desperately to spin President Barack Obama’s poor performance at the first Presidential debate.

Recurring Characters: Rachel Maddow, Al Sharpton, Chris Matthews.


Long Island MediumSummary: Theresa Caputo (Kate McKinnon) spiritually connects with the dead for her fellow Long Islanders.


Mars MissionSummary: Kirby (Bobby Moynihan) annoys his fellow space crew members by getting misty about the pet kitty cat he left behind on Earth.

Muse performs “Madness”

Weekend Update with Seth MeyersSummary: Seth Meyers outlines the Winners and Losers of this week’s Presidential debate. Big Bird comments on his newfound celebrity status since being mentioned by Mitt Romney at the Presidential debate. Cecilia Giminez (Kate McKinnon) defends her forgery of a painting of Jesus.


A Sorry Lot We AreSummary: In a long-running BBC comedy series, a group of losers (Daniel Craig, Bill Hader, Bobby Moynihan) hang out at the pub and mull over their sorry lot in life.


Loving CoupleSummary: Carl (Daniel Craig) is eager to show off his new girlfriend Regine (Fred Armisen) and their extraneous devotion to one another to his unsuspecting friends.

Muse performs “Panic Station”

Low-Information Voters Of AmericaSummary: America’s undecided voters have an extensive collection of unreleated questions to ask about this year’s Presidential election.

Note: Repeat from 12b.


Dress Rehearsal Cuts

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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