Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 38: Episode 5
Mark: …And she said she loved me… but she couldn’t picture me as her husband…! And that was it, man! Six years of my life, gone! and it all went down the same weekend my Dad says he had another family! He had them the whole time! He likes them even more because they’re smarter…! [ he sniffles ]
Supervisor: [ uncomfortable ] Well, uh… well, Matt…
Supervisor: This is gonna be the easiest hundred bucks you ever made. Basically, you just pop on this patriotic mouse costume right here, and then you go out to Times Square tonight, shake hands with people, take a few photos, wave to the tourists — you know, that kind of thing. And then we’ll split your tips, fifty-fifty.
Mark: What if they don’t wave back?
Supervisor: What do you mean? Who doesn’t wave back? What are you talking about?
Mark: In the emotional state that I’m in, if I wave and… and they didn’t wave back, that’s… that’s just gonna be really, really hard. [ he starts crying again ]
Supervisor: You know… you’re overthinking it, buddy! [ he laughs ] I mean, this is just gonna be a fun thing you do where you make a little bread.
Mark: Alright. Alright. I think I can do it…[ sad piano music plays, as the scene dissolves to Mark dressed as the patriotic mouse walking around Times Square ] [ he waves to various people, but nobody waves back. They just keep walking down the street. ] [ a couple has him take a picture of them, though they’re not interested in having their picture taken with him ] [ a small boy watches as Mark sits dejectedly on the curb ] [ Mark lifts his mouse head to take a smoke ] [ he stares desultorily at his girlfriend’s break-up letter, then turns to his Dad’s goodbye letter ] [ he kicks over a garbage can, then lays on the ground and punches himself in the mouse head as people ignore him ] [ suddenly, he sees a costumed frog waving to peopel with no response, so he walks over and waves to her ] [ she waves back, they hug and walk off hand-in-hand ] [ fade ]