Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 38: Episode 7
November 10th, 2012
Election NightSummary: A somber Mitt Romney (Jason Sudeikis) chugs cartons of milk from his balcony as his disastrous election results pour in.
Recurring Characters: Mitt Romney, Ann Romney, Tagg Romney, Karl Rove.
Anne Hathaway’s MonologueSummary: Anne Hathaway performs a “Les Miserables”-style musical number about how the cast of “Saturday Night Live” only gets one day off per week.
Girlfriends Talk ShowSummary: Morgan (Aidy Bryant) is threatened when best friend co-host Kyra (Cecily Strong) welcomes new best friend Tara (Anne Hathaway) to the topic couch.
The Legend of Mokiki and the Sloppy SwishSummary: Narrator (Kenan Thompson) sings of the legend of Mokiki (Taran Killam), a mutated lab test dummy who dances the Sloppy Swish in the streets of Manhattan.
HomelandSummary: Agent Carrie Mathison (Anne Hathaway) spazzes out during an investigation.
McDonald’s FiringSummary: When the manager (Anne Hathaway) at McDonald’s calls a meeting to announce employee layoffs, (Bobby Moynihan) and (Cecily Strong) assume they’re first in line on the chopping block and proceed to call out their co-workers for being a bunch of lame-asses.
Rihanna performs “Diamonds”
Weekend Update with Seth MeyersSummary: President Barack Obama (Jay Pharoah) sums up his post-election thoughts and feelings. A Gay Couple from Maine (Bill Hader, Fred Armisen) are thrilled that same-sex marriage has been passed by popular vote. Drunk Uncle (Bobby Moynihan) is unhappy about the results of the Presidential election.
Recurring Characters: President Barack Obama, Gay Couple, Drunk Uncle.
EllenSummary: After ten years on the air, the studio audience still loves to prompt an aging Ellen Degeneres (Kate McKinnon) to dance wildly.
Recurring Characters: Ellne Degeneres, Katie Holmes.
American GothicSummary: The origins of the stoic pose of the farm couple (Jason Sudeikis, Anne Hathaway) in Grant’s painting is revealed.
Rihanna performs “Stay”
FlaritinSummary: The fake Claritin that selfish people use to combat fake allergies.
Dress Rehearsal Cuts