SNL Transcripts: Anne Hathaway: 11/10/12: Girlfriends Talk Show


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 38: Episode 7

12g: Anne Hathaway / Rihanna

Girlfriends Talk Show

Kyra…..Cecily Strong
Morgan….Aidy Bryant
Tara…..Anne Harthaway

[ open on theme montage ]

Theme Song:
“Girlfriends talkin’ ’bout guys and stuff!
Girlfriends talkin’ ’bout cute guys and clothes!
Girlfriends Talk Show!”

[ dissolve to Morgan and Kyra on set ]

Kyra: Oh, my God! Hi!

Morgan: Welcome to “Girlfriends Talk Show”!

Kyra: This is a show where we just sit and talk like girlfriends do! This is my best friend Morgan!

Morgan: Hi! And this is my best friend Kyra!

Kyra: What up!

Morgan: [ looking to the side ] And, uh… I don’t know who this girl is.

Kyra: Oh! I’m sorry! This is a NEW best friend of mine — Tara!

Tara: Hi! It’s so good to see you again!

Kyra: Yeah, I know! Look at you — you’re the COOLEST!

Tara: You look real cool, too! I’m SO glad we became best friends!

Morgan: [ laughing nervously ] Yeah! …How many best friends do you have, Kyra?

Kyra: A girl can NEVER have enough best friends! Amiright, guys?

Morgan: I don’t know… can she? ‘Cause I only have one, and that’s you.

Kyra: Awesome! Okay! What’s our first topic? Tara?

Morgan & Tara: GUYS!!

Tara: Oh, my God… did you just say that with me? Because she told me I could say it.

Morgan: Well, that’s weird. Because, normally, I introduce the topics because I’m her best friend AND the co-host.

Kyra: Awesome! Okay! So, this question is for the boys — but only the cute ones!

Tara: Like those ones we saw the other night?

[ Kyra and Tara laugh ]

Morgan: What night?

Kyra: Awesome! So! Boys: What’s up with all the sports?

Tara: Yeah! I mean, you spend all your weekends watching it and talking about it, and then the rest of the week you play them on video games? What about us? Amiright?

Morgan: Okay, I just want to… I was, like, gonna say EVERY single thing that SHE just said. But… but, then, like, she jumped in so FAST, that I didn’t get a chance to say, like, ANY of it!

Kyra: Okay, just think of something else to say!

Morgan: Kyra, where did you meet this girl?

Kyra: [ smiling ] She’s so AWESOME! Um… I met her at Two Rivers Mall! She works at Forever 21!

Tara: Have you ever shopped there? The clothes really make you look SO like 21 years old! Amiright?

Morgan: [ desperately ] Yeah… yeah, it looks like clothes… DEAD women are found in!

Kyra: Don’t say that! Remember Denise?

Morgan: Well, there’s just, like, a million WAY better places to shop.

Tara: Like where? Name one.

Morgan: Uh… Skirt Warehouse? [ to Kyra ] Our favorite place? Remember?

Kyra: Skirt Warehouse? Morgan! What’s wrong with you?

Morgan: I don’t know. Skirt Warehouse can be cool if you’re there with your best friend…

Kyra: Since when? One time, I was in a Skirt Warehouse, and I saw a roach family climb out of a bin full of Tum-Angel Panties”, so I was like, “How did I get in this doody-girl’s place?”

Tara: Yeah! Like, omigod! It should be called Skirt and Roach Warehouse!

Kyra: Yeah!

Morgan: No! YOU should be called Roach Warehouse!

Kyra: You’re not making any sense today, Morgan.

Tara: Morgan? I like that name! It’s like “Captain Morgan”! Do you remember, Kyra? In the basement?

Kyra: [ laughing ] That was SO crazy!

Morgan: [ confused ] You have a basement…?

Kyra: Awesome! Alright! Let’s do our next topic!

Morgan: [ picking up a plate of muffins ] Bakingggg!

Kyra & Tara: BOYFRIENDS!!

Kyra: [ to Morgan ] Yeah — boyfriends.

[ Morgan puts the muffins away ]

Tara: Okay! So — my boyfriend gave me, like, THE most amazing gift! And I was, like, “Why?” And he was, like, “Because you are, totally, MY girlfriend!” And guess what I did? I sat in his lap and cried FACING OUT, so EVERYONE in the Food Court could see me.

Kyra: Wow! That’s a PERFECT romantic story! My boyfriend’s a little older He took me to a steak house and sat at a different table from me. He just watched me enjoy my steak. They even had CLOTH napkins! When I was walking out, his car pulled up and a tinted window rolled down, and the crack was big enough so I could see ONE eyeball. He winked at me and said, “Thanks for letting me watch you eat that sirloin!” My boyfriend’s CRAZY!

Tara: Hey, what about you, Morgan?

Morgan: Well —

Kyra: Her boyfriend DUMPED her!

Morgan: NO… I dumped… him!

Kyra: No, he dumped you, and then, like a week later, you called him and said, “I’m dumping you!”

Morgan: That’s not true! I told him, “Don’t you EVER come back!” and he said, “I’m not going to!” And — but I could tell by the way that he put his hand on my face, and PUSHED backwards… he was NOT entirely over me!

Tara: It kinda sounds like he was.

Morgan: Yeah, he WASN’T!! ROACH WAREHOUSE!! [ to Kyra ] This girl — like, she REALLY needs to go! She’s not even good at co-hosting.

Kyra: AWESOME!! Okay! So, next time on the show, our topic is gonna be…


Kyra & Tara: EARRINGS!!

Kyra: Earrings!

Morgan: Yeah… it’s earrings.

Kyra: Awesome! Later, bye!

Theme Song: “Girlfriends Talk Show!”

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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