SNL Transcripts: Anne Hathaway: 11/10/12: Election Night


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 38: Episode 7

12g: Anne Hathaway / Rihanna

Election Night

Mitt Romney…..Jason Sudeikis
Ann Romney…..Kate McKinnon
Tagg Romney, Matt Romney, Josh Romney…..Taran Killam
Karl Rove…..Bobby Moynihan

[ open on exterior, “Mitt Romney’s House — Election Night” ] [ dissolve to Romney standing on balcony ]

Mitt Romney: Ah, darn it! Darn it all to HECK! [ he chigs from a carton of milk ]

Ann Romney: Mitt? Mitt?

[ Mitt tosses the empty carton over the balcony as Ann steps forward ]

Ann Romney: Hello, Mitt.

Mitt Romney: Ah, hello, Ann!

Ann Romney: What are you doing out on the balcony all alone?

Mitt Romney: Ohhh… I’m just thinking.

Ann Romney: You ran a wonderful campaign, Mitt. You have nothing to be ashamed of.

Mitt Romney: Hmm… Thank you, Ann. You’re a FINE woman! Abnd I’m LUCKY to have you!

Ann Romney: And I’m lucky to have you! Now, come inside, Mitt. It’s a wonderful party. Everyone’s here.

Mitt Romney: Ah, in a moment, Ann. In a moment.

[ Ann steps back inside ] [ Mitt waits, then he pulls a hidden milk carton from under a potted plant, cracks it open and chugs ]

Mitt Romney: I still love you, America! I DO! But you’ve hurt my feelings very, very much!

Tagg Romney: Father!

[ Mitt hides the milk carton as Tagg Romney approaches ]

Tagg Romney: Hello, Father.

Mitt Romney: Ah, hello, Tagg!

Tagg Romney: I’m so VERY angry, Father!

Mitt Romney: Mmm-hmm.

Tagg Romney: I wish I could PUNCH America in the FACE! I DO, I TELL YOU!!

Mitt Romney: Now, now, now… It’s not a time for anger, Tagg.

Tagg Romney: So what’s next for you, Father?

Mitt Romney: Well… I don’t know, there’s so much I want to see and do. I’d like to learn how may-o-naisse is made — as I like mayonaisse very, very much.

Tagg Romney: Come inside, Father.

Mitt Romney: In a moment, Tagg. In a moment.

[ Tagg steps back inside, as Mitt chugs more milk ]

Matt Romney: Father!

[ another Romney son approaches ]

Mitt Romney: [ hiding his milk carton ] Well, Tagg, I-I thought I told you to give me a moment?

Matt Romney: I’m not Tagg! I’m Matt! One of your other sons!

Mitt Romney: Oh. Of course! Of course, of course! Hello, Matt.

Matt Romney: Mother sent me to come get you, Father.

Mitt Romney: Mmm-hmm.

Matt Romney: Paul Ryan is dong feats of strength in the drawing room. She thought you’d like to see.

Mitt Romney: Yeah, well, I’d like to see him carry WISCONSIN!!

Matt Romney: Father!

Mitt Romney: Now, I’m sorry… that was uncalled for, I’m sorry.

Matt Romney: Have you been drinking? You smell like a dairy.

Mitt Romney: [ he holds up his milk carton ] What do you say… do you care to share a drink with your old man, huh?

Matt Romney: Father! I’m only 38! Now, come inside.

Mitt Romney: Ah, in a moment, Matt. In a moment.

[ Matt steps back inside, as Mitt chugs more milk ] [ suddenly, Karl Rove approaches ]

Karl Rove: Hello, Mitt!

Mitt Romney: Hello, Karl Rove.

Karl Rove: I still think you can win Ohio. Look… now might not be the best time, but, uh… could I borrow $300 million…? Is that possible…?

[ Mitt grabs Rove and tosses him over the balcony ]

Karl Rove: I’m okay!

Josh Romney: Father!

[ another Romney son approaches ]

Mitt Romney: Oh, uh… Hello, uh…?

Josh Romney: Josh.

Mitt Romney: That’s right! Hello, my son, Josh!

Josh Romney: Now, please come inside, Father. Donald Trump is doing a very amusing thing where he’s racist.

Mitt Romney: Ah. You know what? In a moment, my son, Josh. In a moment.

Josh Romney: Okay.

[ Josh steps back inside ] [ Mitt looks around for more stashes of milk, then removes his shoe and pulls a carton out of the heel ] [ Ann once again approaches ]

Ann Romney: Mitt, the boys are worried! They’ve never seen you like this!

Mitt Romney: [ he tosses his carton over the balcony ] Oh, I’m fine! I’m fine, my dear Ann, I’m fine.

[ soft music begins to play ]

Ann Romney: Do you need another moment out here, Mitt?

Mitt Romney: Well, I’d like a moment with you. I’d like that very much. Perhaps we can stand on this balcony together, with our arms around each other.

Ann Romney: Well, I’d also like that very much.

[ Mitt steals a kiss from Ann’s lips ]

Ann Romney: [ amazed ] My, oh my! What has gotten into you?

Mitt Romney: Ohhh… oh, I don’t know, maybe TEN GALLONS OF MILK! Huh?

Ann Romney: Willard Mitt Romney!

Mitt Romney: Ah, I’m gonna be very, very sick tomorrow! But I’m also gonna be okay. Because I have you. Thank you, Ann.

Ann Romney: Thank you, Mitt!

[ music swells, as a heart superimposes over the couple, with the words “Mitt & Ann Forever” on the screen ]

Together: And “Live, from New York, it’s Saturday Night!”

SNL Transcripts

How useful was this post?

Click on a star to rate it!

Average rating 4 / 5. Vote count: 1

No votes so far! Be the first to rate this post.

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

Notify of
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x