Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 38: Episode 9
December 8th, 2012
Press ConferenceSummary: President Barack Obama (Jay Pharoah) comforts John Boehner (Bill Hader) from the bullying he’s received at the hands of his fellow Republicans following failed fiscal cliff negotiations.
Recurring Characters: President Barack Obama, John Boehner.
Jamie Foxx’s MonologueSummary: Jamie Foxx asks “How Black is that?” about various things, then plays a 2 Chainz melody on the piano.
Bitch, What’s The Answer?Summary: Game show host (Jamie Foxx) gives white contestants a hard time for failing to answer vague quiz show questions.
J-Pop America Fun Time Now!Summary: Japan-obsessed Jonathan Cavanaugh-san (Taran Killam) and Rebecca Stern-Marcowitz-san (Vanessa Bayer) chat with (Jamie Foxx).
Recurring Characters: Jonathan Cavanaugh-san, Rebecca Stern-Marcowitz-san, Mark Kaufman, Jonathan’s Girlfriend.
Alex Cross 2: Madea: Special OpsSummary: Tyler Perry (Jamie Foxx) performs dual lead roles as Detctive Alex Cross and his new sidekick Madea.
Ne-Yo performs “Let Me Love You”
Weekend Update with Seth MeyersSummary: Mrs. Claus (Aidy Bryant) is eager for a little alone time when Santa finally goes to work on Christmas Eve. Ding Dong (Jamie Foxx) is bitter that the Hostess bankruptcy only means no more Twinkies for the average consumer.
Dylan McDermott or Dermot MulroneySummary: Black contestants (Jay Pharoah, Jamie Foxx, Kenan Thompson) are challenged to differentiate between the two indistinguishable white celebrities.
Marcus Banks: Tree PimpSummary: Former pimp Marcus Banks (Kenan Thompson) treats Christmas trees the same way he used to treat his hos.
Maine JusticeSummary: Inexplicably, a southern judge (Jason Sudeikis) and other transplants from New Orleans now run a courtroom in Bangor, Maine.
Ne-Yo performs “She Is”
Swarovski CrystalsSummary: Former porn stars (Vanessa Bayer, Cecily Strong, Jamie Foxx) plug the cost-conscious alternative to real diamonds.
Dress Rehearsal Cuts