SNL Transcripts: Jamie Foxx: 12/08/12: Dylan McDermott or Dermot Mulroney



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 38: Episode 9
















12i: Jamie Foxx / Ne-Yo

Dylan McDermott or Dermot Mulroney

Host…..Bill Hader
Contestant #1…..Jay Pharoah
Contestant #2…..Jamie Foxx
Contestant #3…..Kenan Thompson
…..Dermot Mulroney

[ open on GSN logo ]

Announcer: You’re watching th Game Show Network.

[ dissolve to game show set ]

Host: Hello, and welcome to America’s most difficult game show — we show contestants a picture, and they have to tell us who it is! That’s right, it’s time for…

Audience: “Dylan McDermott or Dermot Mulroney”!

Host: Just a reminder to you at home: No one has EVER won this game. It looks like today is going to be WORSE than usual. Let’s meet our contestants.

[ reveal three Black contestants ]

Contestants: Hell, no! Nope! No way, man!

Host: Alright, alright… let’s get started. Contestants, tell me: [ reveal photo ] Is this Dylan McDermott… or Dermot Mulroney?

Contestant #3: [ throws his arms up ] We will NEVER know this!

[ buzzer ]

Host: The correct answer was… Dermot Mulroney. Next round! Tell me, contestants… [ reveal new photo ] Who’s this? As a reminder — the answer for the last round was Dermot Mulroney. THIS… is the other guy!

Contestant #2: Can you say both their names again?

Host: Dylan McDermott… Dermot Mulroney.

Contestant #3: Can you put a bigger space between the names… so… so e know when the first name ends and when the second name begins?

[ buzzer ]

Host: Time’s up. That’s a picture of Dylan McDermott.

Contestant #2: Can we just skip to the end?

Host: No, no, no, no, no! You can do this! Just remember: Dermot Mulroney… is the one who’s in “The Truth About Cats & Dogs”. [ glances off-screen ] What’s that? “Must Love Dogs”, with Ashley Judd. [ glances off-screen ] What’s that? With Diane Lane. Who’s also in “Unbreakble”. [ glances off-screen ] What’s that? “Untraceable”! [ glances off-screen ] What’s that? “Unfaithful”! [ glances off-screen ] What’s that? BOTH “Untraceable” and “Unfaithful”! …So if any of that helps at all!

Contestants: It does not! It does not!

Host: Round Three. Hey! [ reveal new photo ] Who’s this guy? Remember: Dylan McDermott was in “The Practice”… and Dermot Mulroney was in a movie called “Staying Together”, where he played a character named Kit McDermott. And that is a true fact! So is this Dylan McDermott… or Kit McDermott?

Contestant #2: You know what? F you!

[ bell goes off ]

Host: Alright! Alright. Alright. You know what the means — it’s time for the McDermott Double. Get this right, and we’ll McDermott McDouble your points!

Contestant #3: [ shaking his head ] You’re a SICK man!

Host: [ laughing crazily ] Yeah! Yeah! Here we go: You have twenty seconds to write down your answer. [ reveal new photo ] Who’s this?

[ clock ticks, as the contestants work through it ]

Host: Alright. Alright. Alright. [ he walks over to the contestants ] Alright, let’s see what you wrote down. Contestant #1, you wrote down: [ as he holds up his answer ] D-scribble, M-scribble. Yeah, that can’t count! We can’t count that!

Contestant #1: Had to try… had to try…

Host: Contestant #2, you wrote: [ as he holds up his answer ] Derbel McDillet.

Contestant #2: Yeah.

Host: I just want to check in with you… When you were writing down “Derbel McDillet”, did you think to yourself, “Yeahhhh… this is right”?

Contestant #2: Uh — yes, I did! At first, I was gonna write down… “Dermot… Ramoney”, but… that’s not a real name.

Host: So you settled on “Derbel McDillet”?

Contestant #2: [ he nods and drops his answer ] Yeah.

Host: How would you feel if I told you you wee dead wrong?

Contestant #2: I would NOT be surprised.

Host: Alright. Contestant #3, you wrote: [ as he holds up his answer] Rupert Everett.

[ dinger ]

Host: [ surprised ] I’ve never heard that sound before. The judges are telling me that’s technically correct… since Rupert Everett IS the Gay Dermott Mulroney.

Contestant #3: [ excited ] So I WIN?!

Host: Well… we doubled your score. But zero times two is still zero. Now, it’s time for the final round. Contestants, please tell me: WHO is this?!

[ suddenly, Dermot Mulroney steps out ]

Dermot Mulroney: I was in “My Best Friend’s Wedding”… and I was just on, uh… “The New Girl”. [ he holds up Dylan McDermott’s photograph ] This is a picture of my face. Who am I? Dyland McDermott or Dermot Mulroney?

Host: Wait. wait… that’s a photo of Dylan McDermott.

Dermot Mulroney: [ irked ] You don’t have to give them the answer!

Host: But… you’re Dermot Mulroney.

[ he considers this possibility ]

Dermot Mulroney: I am? Ooh… oh, my gosh! Oh, I’ve been sleeping with another man’s wife.

Host: Alright. Well, that’s how this show works. Once again, there’s no winner. But don’t change that channel, because next up: Three teenage girls from Alaska will play: “Djimon Hounsou OR Chiwetel Ejiofor?”

Contestants: I know who that is…! I know who that is…!

Host: Good night!

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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