January 19th, 2013
Piers Morgan TonightSummary: Piers Morgan (Taran Killam) catches up on news events involving Lance Armstrong’s (Jason Sudeikis) drug scandal, college linebacker Manti Te’o’s (Bobby Moynihan) cruel prank, and Jodie Foster’s (Kate McKinnon) not-so-shocking, incoherent confession.
Recurring Characters: Piers Morgan, Jodie Foster.
Jennifer Lawrence’s MonologueSummary: Jennifer Lawrence tries to crack a smile from fllow Golden Globe nominee Tommy Lee Jones (Bill Hader), then proceeds to trash-talk and compliment her fellow Best Actress Oscar contenders.
VerismoSummary: Housewife (Vanessa Bayer) duplicates the tense Starbucks experience at home by brewing up an incompetent and beligerent cup of coffee in the privacy of her own kitchen.
Girlfriends Talk ShowSummary: Morgan (Aidy Bryant) is threatened anew when best friend co-host Kyra (Cecily Strong) welcomes new best friend Jessy (Jennifer Lawrence) to the topic couch.
Recurring Characters: Kyra, Morgan.
Post Hunger Games News ConferenceSummary: After placing at the Hunger Games, Katniss Everdeen (Jennifer Lawrence) and Peeta Mellark (Taran Killam) field questions from reporters.
The HobbittSummary: Determined to squeeze out J.R.R. Tolkien for everything he’s worth, director Peter Jackson has stetched “The Hobbitt” into an 18-part film series filled with drawn-out plots and ridiculous spoofs.
Johnny Two TonesSummary: Diners (Bobby Moynihan, Vanessa Bayer) love the kitschy insulting service at retro Johnny Two Tones, until their server, Brenda (Jennifer Lawrence), takes it too far.
The Lumineers perform “Ho Hey”
Weekend Update with Seth MeyersSummary: Second-hand news correspondent Anthony Crispino (Bobby Moynihan) delights Seth Meyers with more information gleaned from a host of suspicious characters.
Recurring Characters: Anthony Crispino.
Top Dog ChefSummary: Canine-humans (Bill Hader, Jennifer Lawrence, Bobby Moynihan) attempt to wow Padma Leash-Me (Nasim Pedrad), Tom Collie-Cio (Jason Sudeikis) and Mario Barktali (Fred Armisen) with culinary dishes created from random garbage.
B108 FMSummary: Richard (Taran Killam), The Buffalo (Bobby Moynihan), and intern Busty Rhymes (Jennifer Lawrence) work the morning zoo format at five a.m.
Recurring Characters: Richard, The Buffalo, Karen.
The Lumineers perform “Stubborn Love”
DanielleSummary: In a badly-dubbed French pornographic film, everyone in a cafe is enchanted by Danielle (Jennifer Lawrence).
Love LettersSummary: While exchanging love letters with his honey Madeline Cook (Jennifer Lawrence), Civil war soldier Greg Dorfman (Tim Robinson) repeatedly requests that she send him a tit pic.
Dress Rehearsal Cuts