Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 38: Episode 11
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Air Date:Host:Musical Guest:Special Guests:Cameos:
January 19th, 2013
Jennifer Lawrence
The Lumineers
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Piers Morgan Tonight
Summary: Piers Morgan (Taran Killam) catches up on news events involving Lance Armstrong’s (Jason Sudeikis) drug scandal, college linebacker Manti Te’o’s (Bobby Moynihan) cruel prank, and Jodie Foster’s (Kate McKinnon) not-so-shocking, incoherent confession.
Recurring Characters: Piers Morgan, Jodie Foster.
Montage
Jennifer Lawrence’s Monologue
Summary: Jennifer Lawrence tries to crack a smile from fllow Golden Globe nominee Tommy Lee Jones (Bill Hader), then proceeds to trash-talk and compliment her fellow Best Actress Oscar contenders.
Transcript
Verismo
Summary: Housewife (Vanessa Bayer) duplicates the tense Starbucks experience at home by brewing up an incompetent and beligerent cup of coffee in the privacy of her own kitchen.
Girlfriends Talk Show
Summary: Morgan (Aidy Bryant) is threatened anew when best friend co-host Kyra (Cecily Strong) welcomes new best friend Jessy (Jennifer Lawrence) to the topic couch.
Recurring Characters: Kyra, Morgan.
Transcript
Post Hunger Games News Conference
Summary: After placing at the Hunger Games, Katniss Everdeen (Jennifer Lawrence) and Peeta Mellark (Taran Killam) field questions from reporters.
Transcript
The Hobbitt
Summary: Determined to squeeze out J.R.R. Tolkien for everything he’s worth, director Peter Jackson has stetched “The Hobbitt” into an 18-part film series filled with drawn-out plots and ridiculous spoofs.
Johnny Two Tones
Summary: Diners (Bobby Moynihan, Vanessa Bayer) love the kitschy insulting service at retro Johnny Two Tones, until their server, Brenda (Jennifer Lawrence), takes it too far.
Transcript
The Lumineers perform “Ho Hey”
Weekend Update with Seth Meyers
Summary: Second-hand news correspondent Anthony Crispino (Bobby Moynihan) delights Seth Meyers with more information gleaned from a host of suspicious characters.
Recurring Characters: Anthony Crispino.
Top Dog Chef
Summary: Canine-humans (Bill Hader, Jennifer Lawrence, Bobby Moynihan) attempt to wow Padma Leash-Me (Nasim Pedrad), Tom Collie-Cio (Jason Sudeikis) and Mario Barktali (Fred Armisen) with culinary dishes created from random garbage.
Transcript
B108 FM
Summary: Richard (Taran Killam), The Buffalo (Bobby Moynihan), and intern Busty Rhymes (Jennifer Lawrence) work the morning zoo format at five a.m.
Recurring Characters: Richard, The Buffalo, Karen.
Transcript
The Lumineers perform “Stubborn Love”
Danielle
Summary: In a badly-dubbed French pornographic film, everyone in a cafe is enchanted by Danielle (Jennifer Lawrence).
Transcript
Love Letters
Summary: While exchanging love letters with his honey Madeline Cook (Jennifer Lawrence), Civil war soldier Greg Dorfman (Tim Robinson) repeatedly requests that she send him a tit pic.
Transcript
Goodnights
Transcript
Dress Rehearsal Cuts
