Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 38: Episode 11
The Buffalo…..Bobby Moynihan
Busty Rhymes…..Jennifer Lawrence
MC Jiggle Butt…..Vanessa Bayer
Radio Announcer: [ typical radio air horn sound effect ] You’re listening to Richard and The Buffalo. [ Moo sound effect ] On B108. Shakopee, Minnesota’s home for blazing hip hop![ interior of the radio station show radio DJs, Richard and The Buffalo, swinging around some white t-shirts ]
The Buffalo: Yeaaah! It’s five o’clock in the morniiiiing!
Richard: Yooo! Who be 108?
The Buffalo: Yo, we B108!
The Buffalo: The best and only hip hop morning show in Shakopee, Minnesotaaaaa!
Richard: You know this. I’m Richard the Investigator, AKA Rowdy Doody!
The Buffalo: Yeaaah! And I’m the Buffalo! AKA Cedric the Caribeana.
The Buffalo: AKA Osama Bin Luscious [ strokes his dreadlock beard ]
Richard: Hup! Yeah, that’s right! This is the hip hop station where the party never stops!
The Buffalo: And is in fact the first to start. Yo, it is *mad* early.
Richard: Oh man, we gotta keep this energy up or we will straight up pass out! [ laughs then sort of grimaces ]
The Buffalo: Yeah! Even Al Roker’s still asleep!
The Buffalo: Ya heard?
Richard: [ turns to microphone and announces in a quiet voice ] It’s 5:02 in the morning. [ resumes his more upbeat voice ] It is so early that the internet is working super fast.
The Buffalo: [ nods ] Yo.
Richard: Yo, mad props to wi-fi, though.
The Buffalo: Yeah, mad props.
Richard: Alright, let’s introduce our intern. She is a lyrical assassin, a master of rhyming, Ms. Busty Rhymes!
Busty Rhymes: What’s up, y’all? Richard, Richard, Richard! Give me a beat, give me a beat!
Richard: Oh yeah! Okay, here we go! Here we go!
The Buffalo: Oh shoot! Oh shoot![ Richard starts making beatboxing sounds, The Buffalo chiming in with record scratch noises every so often ]
Busty Rhymes: [ rapping ] Busty Rhymes in the house, ‘cus I’m the greatest. Y’all better recognize because… yup, yup. Uh huh. Who?[ they stop beatboxing and look at each other, a bit confused ]
The Buffalo: Ooh. Yo, you did not rhyme nothing! Straight up.
Richard: Busty Rhymes, you gotta work on that. You have not earned your name.
The Buffalo: Yeah. You gotta practice.
Busty Rhymes: I know I didn’t rhyme nothing but here’s a verse, right back at ya’! Give me a beat, give me a beat!
Richard & The Buffalo: Alright! Okay![ they start beatboxing again ]
Busty Rhymes: [ rapping ] La di da di da di. We likes to party. We don’t cause trouble because nu-uh. Who said that? I did? You did? Nope.[ once again the beatboxing comes to stop and the DJs shake their heads ]
The Buffalo: Oh, so close.
Richard: I don’t…
The Buffalo: So close. I mean, you said *words*. That was nice…
Richard: I mean, the charisma’s there. You’re pretty to look at but dayum.
The Buffalo: Damn, girl. Damn. You gotta make better decisions.
Richard: Alright. Alright, Busty. Why don’t you tell us about our big promotion: ‘Wake Up And Win’![ there’s an alarm clock sound effect and Richard and The Buffalo mime sleeping ]
Busty Rhymes: That’s right, Shakopee! This week’s ‘Wake Up And Win’ is two tickets to see rapper, Flo Ridaaa![ radio air horn sound effect as the two DJs excitedly swing two white shirts over their heads ]
The Buffalo: Flo Rida! Flo Rida! Yeah! Oh man, this is gonna be off and popping, yo! Fun fact: Flo Rida is from Florida. Which is the farthest place away in the world.
Busty Rhymes: Believe dat. So be the 108th caller and win right noooow![ she points at Richard and The Buffalo who strike a pose and occasionally look down at the phones, waiting for a caller. After a long pause… ]
The Buffalo: Okay, why don’t we get back to that. Yo, let’s bring out our news lady. Her name is Karen but we hate that so we call her MC Jiggle Butt!
Richard: Yeah Jiggle Butt![ Richard plays her in including an echo-y: “News!” We pan out to see a conservatively dressed woman scoot in on a rolling chair ]
MC Jiggle Butt: [ in a calm, news anchor type of voice ] Alright, come on, guys. It’s a new year, let’s start on a good foot. Here’s the news-[ the two radio DJs immediately interrupt her with “Woah woah woah”s ]
Richard: What’s that?
The Buffalo: Jiggle Butt. Do it the way we asked you to do it, Jiggle Butt!
Richard: Do it the way you promised!
The Buffalo: Come on, Jiggle Butt, you got this!
MC Jiggle Butt: [ She sighs but agrees ] My name is MC Jiggle Butt and it’s cold as heeeell![ the others erupt into cheers with Richard and The Buffalo swinging around their shirts and Busty Rhymes fist pumping ]
The Buffalo: That is on point, Jiggle Butt!!
Richard: That’s got flava!
The Buffalo: Jiggle Butt!
Richard: Makes me wanna call you Karen, almost, Jiggle Butt!
The Buffalo: Oooooh!
MC Jiggle Butt: [ back to her professional news voice ] Alright, here’s today’s headlines. Shakopee is undergoing its worst flu season in years with more than 800 cases already reported.
Richard: Aww yeah, believe dat.
The Buffalo: Oh, er’rybody in the club got the sniffles.
Richard: Er’rybody in the club [ sniffs twice to the beat ]
The Buffalo: [ whispers ] Oh ah.
Busty Rhymes: Yo yo yo. Yo, here it is. Give me a beat, give me a beat. I got it.[ the DJs agree and once again start with their beatboxing ]
Busty Rhymes: [ rapping ] If you stuffed up in the club ‘cus you got the flu. You know when you sneeze you gonna say, “Uh oh. What up. Heeeey”.[ Richard and The Buffalo stop, looking frustrated ]
Richard: Nobody says that when they sneeze.
The Buffalo: Why did you stop?
Richard: Nobody says that when they sneeze!
Busty Rhymes: Shut up…
The Buffalo: You were so close! You were so close! [ He drinks a cup of coffee ]
Busty Rhymes: They will.
Richard: You were right there. You messing with me!
Busty Rhymes: They’re gonna say that now.
MC Jiggle Butt: Alright, well. Flu shots are available at St. Francis Hospital and are especially recommended if you’re having the following symptoms.
Richard: [ dramatically ] Bum bum buuuum! Give us the symptoms, Jiggle Butt!
The Buffalo: Jiggle Butt!
MC Jiggle Butt: Fever.
The Buffalo: Yeeaaah! Word. Word. Word.
MC Jiggle Butt: Muscle aches.
Richard: Only if I’m working out.
The Buffalo: Muscle aches, I got them…
MC Jiggle Butt: And dizziness.[ cue radio air horn sound effect as Richard and The Buffalo pull out the white shirts and start swinging them around ]
The Buffalo: Oooh! Dizziness! Yo! I got that, yo! I got that! Yo, Imma kill myself…[ The Buffalo suddenly passes out ]
Richard: Damn. Buffalo, you alright? You got a little spill.[ The Buffalo shakily gets back to his seat ]
The Buffalo: Yeah. I think I got the flu. Pretty sure I got the flu.
Richard: Well, damn. Then you should get a flu shot just like everybody else out there, yo.
Busty Rhymes: Yo, yo, yo, I got one this time! I got the- the, just… Give me a beat!
The Buffalo: You got one?
Richard: Alright, I’m trusting you on this but I have a feeling I’m being set up to fail.
Busty Rhymes: Just do it, do it, do it![ Richard and The Buffalo start up their beatboxing ]
Busty Rhymes: [ rapping ] It’s the flu season so you’re gonna have issues. If you get the sniffles get a big box of Kleenex.[ Richard and The Buffalo stop, just looking outraged ]
Richard: I knew it! I knew it!
The Buffalo: Why would you say “issues”-
Richard: [ quietly ] I knew it.
The Buffalo: -if you’re not gonna say “tissues”?!
Richard: Shame on me!
The Buffalo: I swear…
Richard: Shame on me!
The Buffalo: I swear, Busty…
Richard: You know what I mean?
Busty Rhymes: Shut up…
The Buffalo: If you were not my wife’s kid…[ there’s a pause and the DJs resume their radio friendly personalities ]
Richard: Yo, we gotta take a break. Haha. Coming up, me and Mayor Brad Tabke gonna have a McMuffin eating contest,
Busty Rhymes: When McDonalds opens in two more hooouurs!
The Buffalo: Oooh! Mayor McPlease!
Richard: [ laughs ] We be Richard and The Buffalo on B108 and we be right baaack![ exterior shot of the radio station ]
The Buffalo: I’m tired.
Richard: I’m so tired…
The Buffalo: I’m so tired.
Richard: Oh my God.
The Buffalo: I’m so sick.[ fade ]
Submitted by: Sunnie S.