SNL Transcripts: Jennifer Lawrence: 01/19/13: B108 FM



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 38: Episode 11










12k: Jennifer Lawrence / The Lumineers

B108 FM

Richard…..Taran Killam
The Buffalo…..Bobby Moynihan
Busty Rhymes…..Jennifer Lawrence
MC Jiggle Butt…..Vanessa Bayer

[ exterior shot of the B108 FM Radio station ]

Radio Announcer: [ typical radio air horn sound effect ] You’re listening to Richard and The Buffalo. [ Moo sound effect ] On B108. Shakopee, Minnesota’s home for blazing hip hop!

[ interior of the radio station show radio DJs, Richard and The Buffalo, swinging around some white t-shirts ]

The Buffalo: Yeaaah! It’s five o’clock in the morniiiiing!

Richard: Yooo! Who be 108?

The Buffalo: Yo, we B108!

Richard: Yeah!

The Buffalo: The best and only hip hop morning show in Shakopee, Minnesotaaaaa!

Richard: You know this. I’m Richard the Investigator, AKA Rowdy Doody!

The Buffalo: Yeaaah! And I’m the Buffalo! AKA Cedric the Caribeana.

Richard: What!

The Buffalo: AKA Osama Bin Luscious [ strokes his dreadlock beard ]

Richard: Hup! Yeah, that’s right! This is the hip hop station where the party never stops!

The Buffalo: And is in fact the first to start. Yo, it is *mad* early.

Richard: Oh man, we gotta keep this energy up or we will straight up pass out! [ laughs then sort of grimaces ]

The Buffalo: Yeah! Even Al Roker’s still asleep!

[ Richard and The Buffalo laugh ]

The Buffalo: Ya heard?

Richard: [ turns to microphone and announces in a quiet voice ] It’s 5:02 in the morning. [ resumes his more upbeat voice ] It is so early that the internet is working super fast.

The Buffalo: [ nods ] Yo.

Richard: Yo, mad props to wi-fi, though.

The Buffalo: Yeah, mad props.

Richard: Alright, let’s introduce our intern. She is a lyrical assassin, a master of rhyming, Ms. Busty Rhymes!

[ pan over to Busty Rhymes beside Richard ]

Busty Rhymes: What’s up, y’all? Richard, Richard, Richard! Give me a beat, give me a beat!

Richard: Oh yeah! Okay, here we go! Here we go!

The Buffalo: Oh shoot! Oh shoot!

[ Richard starts making beatboxing sounds, The Buffalo chiming in with record scratch noises every so often ]

Busty Rhymes: [ rapping ] Busty Rhymes in the house, ‘cus I’m the greatest. Y’all better recognize because… yup, yup. Uh huh. Who?

[ they stop beatboxing and look at each other, a bit confused ]

The Buffalo: Ooh. Yo, you did not rhyme nothing! Straight up.

Richard: Busty Rhymes, you gotta work on that. You have not earned your name.

The Buffalo: Yeah. You gotta practice.

Busty Rhymes: I know I didn’t rhyme nothing but here’s a verse, right back at ya’! Give me a beat, give me a beat!

Richard & The Buffalo: Alright! Okay!

[ they start beatboxing again ]

Busty Rhymes: [ rapping ] La di da di da di. We likes to party. We don’t cause trouble because nu-uh. Who said that? I did? You did? Nope.

[ once again the beatboxing comes to stop and the DJs shake their heads ]

The Buffalo: Oh, so close.

Richard: I don’t…

The Buffalo: So close. I mean, you said *words*. That was nice…

Richard: I mean, the charisma’s there. You’re pretty to look at but dayum.

The Buffalo: Damn, girl. Damn. You gotta make better decisions.

Richard: Alright. Alright, Busty. Why don’t you tell us about our big promotion: ‘Wake Up And Win’!

[ there’s an alarm clock sound effect and Richard and The Buffalo mime sleeping ]

Busty Rhymes: That’s right, Shakopee! This week’s ‘Wake Up And Win’ is two tickets to see rapper, Flo Ridaaa!

[ radio air horn sound effect as the two DJs excitedly swing two white shirts over their heads ]

Richard: Yeeeaaaaaah!

The Buffalo: Flo Rida! Flo Rida! Yeah! Oh man, this is gonna be off and popping, yo! Fun fact: Flo Rida is from Florida. Which is the farthest place away in the world.

Busty Rhymes: Believe dat. So be the 108th caller and win right noooow!

[ she points at Richard and The Buffalo who strike a pose and occasionally look down at the phones, waiting for a caller. After a long pause… ]

The Buffalo: Okay, why don’t we get back to that. Yo, let’s bring out our news lady. Her name is Karen but we hate that so we call her MC Jiggle Butt!

Richard: Yeah Jiggle Butt!

[ Richard plays her in including an echo-y: “News!” We pan out to see a conservatively dressed woman scoot in on a rolling chair ]

MC Jiggle Butt: [ in a calm, news anchor type of voice ] Alright, come on, guys. It’s a new year, let’s start on a good foot. Here’s the news-

[ the two radio DJs immediately interrupt her with “Woah woah woah”s ]

Richard: What’s that?

The Buffalo: Jiggle Butt. Do it the way we asked you to do it, Jiggle Butt!

Richard: Do it the way you promised!

The Buffalo: Come on, Jiggle Butt, you got this!

MC Jiggle Butt: [ She sighs but agrees ] My name is MC Jiggle Butt and it’s cold as heeeell!

[ the others erupt into cheers with Richard and The Buffalo swinging around their shirts and Busty Rhymes fist pumping ]

The Buffalo: That is on point, Jiggle Butt!!

Richard: That’s got flava!

The Buffalo: Jiggle Butt!

Richard: Makes me wanna call you Karen, almost, Jiggle Butt!

The Buffalo: Oooooh!

MC Jiggle Butt: [ back to her professional news voice ] Alright, here’s today’s headlines. Shakopee is undergoing its worst flu season in years with more than 800 cases already reported.

Richard: Aww yeah, believe dat.

The Buffalo: Oh, er’rybody in the club got the sniffles.

Richard: Er’rybody in the club [ sniffs twice to the beat ]

The Buffalo: [ whispers ] Oh ah.

Busty Rhymes: Yo yo yo. Yo, here it is. Give me a beat, give me a beat. I got it.

[ the DJs agree and once again start with their beatboxing ]

Busty Rhymes: [ rapping ] If you stuffed up in the club ‘cus you got the flu. You know when you sneeze you gonna say, “Uh oh. What up. Heeeey”.

[ Richard and The Buffalo stop, looking frustrated ]

Richard: Nobody says that when they sneeze.

The Buffalo: Why did you stop?

Richard: Nobody says that when they sneeze!

Busty Rhymes: Shut up…

The Buffalo: You were so close! You were so close! [ He drinks a cup of coffee ]

Busty Rhymes: They will.

Richard: You were right there. You messing with me!

Busty Rhymes: They’re gonna say that now.

MC Jiggle Butt: Alright, well. Flu shots are available at St. Francis Hospital and are especially recommended if you’re having the following symptoms.

Richard: [ dramatically ] Bum bum buuuum! Give us the symptoms, Jiggle Butt!

The Buffalo: Jiggle Butt!

MC Jiggle Butt: Fever.

The Buffalo: Yeeaaah! Word. Word. Word.

Richard: Word.

MC Jiggle Butt: Muscle aches.

Richard: Only if I’m working out.

The Buffalo: Muscle aches, I got them…

MC Jiggle Butt: And dizziness.

[ cue radio air horn sound effect as Richard and The Buffalo pull out the white shirts and start swinging them around ]

The Buffalo: Oooh! Dizziness! Yo! I got that, yo! I got that! Yo, Imma kill myself…

[ The Buffalo suddenly passes out ]

Richard: Damn. Buffalo, you alright? You got a little spill.

[ The Buffalo shakily gets back to his seat ]

The Buffalo: Yeah. I think I got the flu. Pretty sure I got the flu.

Richard: Well, damn. Then you should get a flu shot just like everybody else out there, yo.

Busty Rhymes: Yo, yo, yo, I got one this time! I got the- the, just… Give me a beat!

The Buffalo: You got one?

Richard: Alright, I’m trusting you on this but I have a feeling I’m being set up to fail.

Busty Rhymes: Just do it, do it, do it!

[ Richard and The Buffalo start up their beatboxing ]

Busty Rhymes: [ rapping ] It’s the flu season so you’re gonna have issues. If you get the sniffles get a big box of Kleenex.

[ Richard and The Buffalo stop, just looking outraged ]

Richard: I knew it! I knew it!

The Buffalo: Why would you say “issues”-

Richard: [ quietly ] I knew it.

The Buffalo: -if you’re not gonna say “tissues”?!

Richard: Shame on me!

The Buffalo: I swear…

Richard: Shame on me!

The Buffalo: I swear, Busty…

Richard: You know what I mean?

Busty Rhymes: Shut up…

The Buffalo: If you were not my wife’s kid…

[ there’s a pause and the DJs resume their radio friendly personalities ]

Richard: Yo, we gotta take a break. Haha. Coming up, me and Mayor Brad Tabke gonna have a McMuffin eating contest,

Busty Rhymes: When McDonalds opens in two more hooouurs!

The Buffalo: Oooh! Mayor McPlease!

Richard: [ laughs ] We be Richard and The Buffalo on B108 and we be right baaack!

[ exterior shot of the radio station ]

The Buffalo: I’m tired.

Richard: I’m so tired…

The Buffalo: I’m so tired.

Richard: Oh my God.

The Buffalo: I’m so sick.

[ fade ]

Submitted by: Sunnie S.

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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