SNL Transcripts: Justin Bieber: 02/09/13


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 38: Episode 13

This free script provided by]]>

Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:


Bit Players:

February 9th, 2013

Justin Bieber

Justin Bieber


Whoopi Goldberg

Micahel Patrick O’Brien

Super Bowl XLVIISummary: Super Bowl commentators James Brown (Kenan Thompson), Dan Marino (Jason Sudeikis), Bill Cowher (Tim Robinson) and Shannon Sharpe (Jay Pharoah) try to fill the awkward silence when the power suddenly goes out at the Superdome.



Justin Bieber’s MonologueSummary: Justin Bieber attempts to woo girls in the audience with his inadequate knowledge of Black History Month trivia.

The CaliforniansSummary: Stuart (Fred Armisen) dates Devin’s (Bill Hader) estranged wife (Cecily Strong), showcases canyon paintings, and counsels a runaway teen (Justin Bieber) among overexaggerated valley accents and driving directions within every conservation.

Recurring Characters: Stuart, Devin, Rosa, Trey.

Bieber DoublesSummary: Snot-nosed Justin Bieber isn’t impressed with the team of body doubles assembled by his head of security (Jason Sudeikis).

BravoSummary: An unnecessary preview of some of the many other “Real” series coming soon to Bravo.

Justin Bieber performs “As Long As You Love Me”

Weekend Update with Seth MeyersSummary: After his bones were recently discovered, King Richard III’s best friends from growing up (Fred Armisen, Vanessa Bayer) defend his tyrannical nature while quietly airing his dirty laundry. Corey, the one Black guy in every commercial (Kenan Thompson), comments on how thrilling it is to lead that cliched lifestyle.

50’s RomanceSummary: Billy Zuccarelli (Justin Bieber) woos Angie (Cecily Strong) in the style of the world’s worst “Grease” spoof.

The Miley Cyrus ShowSummary: Now an adult, Miley Cyrus (Vanessa Bayer) attempts a more mature style to her talk show as she gabs with Justin Bieber fan Pete DeFalco (Justin Bieber).

Recurring Characters: Miley Cyrus, Bill Ray Cyrus.

Protective BrotherSummary: When Heather (Nasim Pedrad) brings her new boyfriend Michael (Justin Bieber) home to meet the family, her older brother Eddie (Taran Killam) acts overprotective of her, especially after the hapless lad accidentally combines the words “glad” and “nice” into an awkward “Glice” greeting.

A Sexy Valentine’s Day MessageSummary: Justin Bieber arrogantly offers a video guide to how he treats the ladies on Valentine’s, with a little over-the-top crudemess from a guy known as Taco (Bobby Moynihan).

Justin Bieber performs “Nothing Like Us”

Valentine’s DanceSummary: Principal Frye (Jay Pharoah) and others make announcements at the Valentine’s Abstinence Dance organized by Social Committee Head Bryce Dunham (Justin Bieber).

Recurring Characters: Principal Frye, Steve Kane.


Dress Rehearsal Cuts

SNL Transcripts

How useful was this post?

Click on a star to rate it!

Average rating 5 / 5. Vote count: 1

No votes so far! Be the first to rate this post.

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

Notify of
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x