Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 38: Episode 13
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Air Date:Host:Musical Guest:Special Guests:Cameos:Bit Players:
February 9th, 2013
Justin Bieber
Justin Bieber
None
Whoopi Goldberg
Micahel Patrick O’Brien
Super Bowl XLVII
Summary: Super Bowl commentators James Brown (Kenan Thompson), Dan Marino (Jason Sudeikis), Bill Cowher (Tim Robinson) and Shannon Sharpe (Jay Pharoah) try to fill the awkward silence when the power suddenly goes out at the Superdome.
Transcript
Montage
Justin Bieber’s Monologue
Summary: Justin Bieber attempts to woo girls in the audience with his inadequate knowledge of Black History Month trivia.
The Californians
Summary: Stuart (Fred Armisen) dates Devin’s (Bill Hader) estranged wife (Cecily Strong), showcases canyon paintings, and counsels a runaway teen (Justin Bieber) among overexaggerated valley accents and driving directions within every conservation.
Recurring Characters: Stuart, Devin, Rosa, Trey.
Bieber Doubles
Summary: Snot-nosed Justin Bieber isn’t impressed with the team of body doubles assembled by his head of security (Jason Sudeikis).
Bravo
Summary: An unnecessary preview of some of the many other “Real” series coming soon to Bravo.
Justin Bieber performs “As Long As You Love Me”
Weekend Update with Seth Meyers
Summary: After his bones were recently discovered, King Richard III’s best friends from growing up (Fred Armisen, Vanessa Bayer) defend his tyrannical nature while quietly airing his dirty laundry. Corey, the one Black guy in every commercial (Kenan Thompson), comments on how thrilling it is to lead that cliched lifestyle.
50’s Romance
Summary: Billy Zuccarelli (Justin Bieber) woos Angie (Cecily Strong) in the style of the world’s worst “Grease” spoof.
The Miley Cyrus Show
Summary: Now an adult, Miley Cyrus (Vanessa Bayer) attempts a more mature style to her talk show as she gabs with Justin Bieber fan Pete DeFalco (Justin Bieber).
Recurring Characters: Miley Cyrus, Bill Ray Cyrus.
Protective Brother
Summary: When Heather (Nasim Pedrad) brings her new boyfriend Michael (Justin Bieber) home to meet the family, her older brother Eddie (Taran Killam) acts overprotective of her, especially after the hapless lad accidentally combines the words “glad” and “nice” into an awkward “Glice” greeting.
A Sexy Valentine’s Day Message
Summary: Justin Bieber arrogantly offers a video guide to how he treats the ladies on Valentine’s, with a little over-the-top crudemess from a guy known as Taco (Bobby Moynihan).
Justin Bieber performs “Nothing Like Us”
Valentine’s Dance
Summary: Principal Frye (Jay Pharoah) and others make announcements at the Valentine’s Abstinence Dance organized by Social Committee Head Bryce Dunham (Justin Bieber).
Recurring Characters: Principal Frye, Steve Kane.
Goodnights
Transcript
Dress Rehearsal Cuts
