Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 38: Episode 14
12n: Christoph Waltz / Alabama Shakes
Marcus JaMarcus……Kenan Thompson
Darnell JaMarcus……Jay Pharoah
Englebert JaMarcus…..Christoph Waltz
Woman: Its Friday night and me and my man are about to get all up and down sexy.
Woman: But I need something to get me in the mood, to make my body groove.
Marcus JaMarcus: I think we can help you there. Hello girl, were the JaMarcus Brothers.
Darnell JaMarcus: Im Darnell JaMarcus.
Marcus JaMarcus: And Im Marcus JaMarcus. I was named in a big ol hurry.
Darnell JaMarcus: Oh yeah! And were here to make your body tingle-tangle with our new CD full of songs like this:
Marcus JaMarcus: Girl, lets get down tonight.
Darnell JaMarcus: Hey girl!
Marcus JaMarcus: Baby, turn off all the lights.
Darnell JaMarcus: Turn off!
Marcus JaMarcus: Were gonna treat your booty right.
Darnell JaMarcus: So right girl!
Engelbert JaMarcus: Lets have sex like crazy!
Man: Hey! Who is that other guy?
Woman: Thats the third JaMarcus brother, Engelbert.
Man: Im confused.
Woman: Whats confusing? Some people have three children. And their songs are sexy, like this next track:
Marcus JaMarcus: Girl, you better lock the door.
Darnell JaMarcus: Yeah girl.
Marcus JaMarcus: Do it on the sink and flow.
Engelbert JaMarcus: I like that!
Marcus JaMarcus: Girl, were gonna get it on.
Darnell JaMarcus: Oh yeah!
Marcus JaMarcus: Making love till the break of dawn.
Engelbert JaMarcus: Im going to listen inside your butt!
Woman: Mmh, yeah! If you close your eyes, you can hardly tell which JaMarcus brother is an adopted white virgin.
Man: Im pretty sure I can tell.
Woman: Its not who you think.
Man: Is it Engelbert?
Woman: Okay, it is who you think. But you definitely cant tell who wrote which song. Songs like:
Female voice: Booty So Fine, Beggin for Dat Booty, Please Explain What We Do Now That Were Naked, Backside Nasty, Chocolate Lovin, Where Does My Penis Go? Point to Where, Freak in da Sheets, Lets Take a Shower, Ill Go First and Then You Can Go, Up Underneaf Dat and I Bet You Did Not Expect That Birthmark, I Apologize, But It Is Beyond My Control! I Was Born with It, Im Engelbert.
Man: Yeah, heres a question: are there songs with just two of the JaMarcus brothers?
Woman: I know what youre looking for. Heres a song with just Marcus and Engelbert.
Man: No, thats not what I was looking for.
Marcus JaMarcus: Do you wanna get naked?
Engelbert JaMarcus: Ho, ha, yes!
Marcus JaMarcus: Do you wanna get dirty?
Engelbert JaMarcus: I said yes!
Marcus JaMarcus: Do you wanna get nasty?
Engelbert JaMarcus: And yes again!
Marcus JaMarcus: Do you wanna make love?
Engelbert JaMarcus: With our privates!
Female voice: So order now the JaMarcus Brothers CD Now Is the Time for a Tickle Fight, He He!.
Woman: And guess who named that CD?
Man: Engelbert did.
Woman: No, actually Darnell did.
Man: Oh weird?
Woman: Thanks JaMarcus Brothers, Im onna put on your CD right now and make love to my man.
Man: Actually no, I couldnt get a boner right now if I tried.
Male voice: The JaMarcus Brothers. Order today.
Submitted by: Jacques