SNL Transcripts: Kevin Hart: 03/02/13: Z Shirts

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 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 38: Episode 15










12o: Kevin Hart / Macklemore and Ryan Lewis

Z Shirts

Cal…..Tim Robinson
Brian……Kevin Hart

[ open on Brian and Cal playing basketball ]

Cal: Nice dunk!

Brian: Thanks, man! Hey — great T-shirt!

Cal: Ohhhh! This ain’t a T-Shirt! It’s a Z-Shirt!

[ cut to product image ]

Announcer: It’s the new Z-Shirt! The cool new shirts from Zappy! This ain’t no T-shirt — it’s the Z Shirt!

Kids: Z SHIRT!!

Brian: Oh! Wait! I’m confused! Is that an A Shirt?

Cal: Um — ab-so-lute-ly notttt!

Brian: [ laughung ] Is it a B Shirt?!

Cal: Not even close!

Brian: Is is a C Shirt?!

Cal: Wait! Did you say Z Shirt?

Brian: No! I said C Shirt!

Cal: No, it’s a T-shirt!

Brian: Is it a D Shirt?!

Cal: No, man…

Brian: IS IT AN E SHIRT?!

Cal: Why are you going in order? You don’t have to go in order!

Brian: IS IT AN F SHIRT?!

Cal: No! It’s a Z Shirt.

Brian: IS IT A G SHIRT?!

Cal: NO!! And it’s not an H, I, J, K! It’s NONE of those shirts!

Brian: IS IT AN H SHIRT?!

Cal: [ gritting his teeth ] Why do we have to do ALL of them?! I don’t see what you’re getting at…!

Brian: IS IT AN I SHIRT?!

Cal: You’re DEAD behind those eyes! There’s nothing behind them!

Brian: IS IT A J SHIRT?!

Cal: Brian… Brian…

Brian: IS IT A K SHIRT?!

Cal: [ outraged ] I WISH!! [ he points to the Z on his shirt ] If this thing was a K right here, we’d be DONE!!

Brian: IS IT AN L SHIRT?!

[ Cal simply walks away ]

Brian: What kind of shirt IS it, man?! IS IT AN M SHIRT?!

Cal: NO!!!

[ Brian runs after Cal ] [ cut to product image ]

Announcer: The Z Shirt! New from Zappy!

Brian: So many letters!

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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