Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 38: Episode 15
[ open on Brian and Cal playing basketball ]
Cal: Nice dunk!
Brian: Thanks, man! Hey — great T-shirt!
Cal: Ohhhh! This ain’t a T-Shirt! It’s a Z-Shirt![ cut to product image ]
Announcer: It’s the new Z-Shirt! The cool new shirts from Zappy! This ain’t no T-shirt — it’s the Z Shirt!
Kids: Z SHIRT!!
Brian: Oh! Wait! I’m confused! Is that an A Shirt?
Cal: Um — ab-so-lute-ly notttt!
Brian: [ laughung ] Is it a B Shirt?!
Cal: Not even close!
Brian: Is is a C Shirt?!
Cal: Wait! Did you say Z Shirt?
Brian: No! I said C Shirt!
Cal: No, it’s a T-shirt!
Brian: Is it a D Shirt?!
Cal: No, man…
Brian: IS IT AN E SHIRT?!
Cal: Why are you going in order? You don’t have to go in order!
Brian: IS IT AN F SHIRT?!
Cal: No! It’s a Z Shirt.
Brian: IS IT A G SHIRT?!
Cal: NO!! And it’s not an H, I, J, K! It’s NONE of those shirts!
Brian: IS IT AN H SHIRT?!
Cal: [ gritting his teeth ] Why do we have to do ALL of them?! I don’t see what you’re getting at…!
Brian: IS IT AN I SHIRT?!
Cal: You’re DEAD behind those eyes! There’s nothing behind them!
Brian: IS IT A J SHIRT?!
Cal: Brian… Brian…
Brian: IS IT A K SHIRT?!
Cal: [ outraged ] I WISH!! [ he points to the Z on his shirt ] If this thing was a K right here, we’d be DONE!!
Brian: IS IT AN L SHIRT?![ Cal simply walks away ]
Brian: What kind of shirt IS it, man?! IS IT AN M SHIRT?!
Cal: NO!!![ Brian runs after Cal ] [ cut to product image ]
Announcer: The Z Shirt! New from Zappy!
Brian: So many letters![ fade ]