SNL Transcripts: Melissa McCarthy: 04/06/13


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 38: Episode 17

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Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:


Bit Players:

April 6th, 2013

Melissa McCarthy



Dennis Rodman



Kim Jong-un AddressSummary: Kim Jong-un (Bobby Moynihan) discusses his altered stance on same-sex marriage, as well as his own sexual prowess, with the citizens of North Korea.

Recurring Characters: Kim Jong-un.


Melissa McCarthy’s MonologueSummary: Melissa McCarthy experiences trouble while trying to perform her monologue in a ridiculously tall pair of high heels.

Outside The LinesSummary: Girls basketball coach Sheila Kelly (Melissa McCarthy) is revealed to have worse courtside etiquette than Mike Rice.


The VoiceSummary: The celebrity judges are overenthusiastic for a contestant (Melissa McCarthy) who barely wants to be there.

Recurring Characters: Carson Daly, Shakira, Cee Lo Green.

Note: This sketch was cut in the dress rehearsal for the episode hosted by Louis C.K. earlier in the season.

Honey Baked Ham Bake-OffSummary: This year, Jean Carrera (Melissa McCarthy) has really stepped up the presentation of her baked ham.

Bathroom BusinessmanSummary: Bathroom Businessman lets a businessman (Kenan Thompson) be more productive at work while still taking bathroom breaks, but is it the decent thing to do?


Phoenix performs “Entertainment”

Weekend Update with Seth MeyersSummary: Jacob the Bar Mitzvah Boy (Vanessa Bayer) explains the story of Passover. Charles Barkley (Kenan Thompson) comments on the money he’s lost gambling on the NCAA Final Four. Drunk Uncle (Bobby Moynihan) is too drunk to give his thoughts on tax season, but instead introduces his “Game of THrones”-watching brother-in-law Peter Drunklage (Peter Dinklage).

Recurring Characters: Jacob, Charles Barkley, Drunk Uncle.

Million Dollar WheelSummary: Game show’s eye candy (Melissa McCarthy) turns all the wrong letters as the contestants attempt to solve the word puzzle.

Pizza BusinessSummary: Entrepreneur Barb Kelner (Melissa McCarthy) tries to borrow money from loan officer (Jason Sudeikis) so she can start a business centered on eating clients’ leftover pizzas.

Phoenix performs Trying To Be Cool” and “Drakkar Noir”

The Art of the EncounterSummary: In a 90’s video, Donna Fingerneck (Cecily Strong) and Jody Cork (Kate McKinnon) offer up dating tips that Veronica Shanks (Melissa McCarthy) uses to pick up Mario Ward (Taran Killam).



Dress Rehearsal Cuts


SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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