SNL Transcripts: Ben Affleck: 05/18/13




 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 38: Episode 21


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Air Date:

Host:

Musical Guest:

Special Guests:

Cameos:















Bit Players:

Guest Writer:


May 18th, 2013

Ben Affleck

Kanye West

None

Jennifer Garner

Amy Poehler

Steve Jones

Carrie Brownstein


Kim Gordon

J Mascis

Aimee Mann

Michael Penn

None

None

Politics Nation with Al SharptonSummary: Rev. Al Sharpton (Kenan Thompson) is skeptical that the IRS is unfairly targeting the tax records of Tea Party members, and equally skeptical that he’s lost weight if he’s still huge.

Recurring Characters: Al Sharpton.

Montage

Ben Affleck’s MonologueSummary: Ben Affleck’s entrance into the Five-Timers Club passes quietly because all the honored celebrities were just here for Justin Timberlake.Instead, he sets the record straight on his Oscar acceptance speech and asks wife Jennifer Garner to back up his comments.

Transcript

Bengo F#*@ YourselfSummary: Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (Fred Armisen) stars as Ben Affleck in his own “Argo” retaliation film.

Recurring Characters: Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

Transcript

Xanax for Gay Summer WeddingsSummary: Heterosexual guests are only able to make it through the over-the-top proceedings at a gay summer wedding if they’re heavily medicated with the new Xanax product.

Depression SceneSummary: In Depression-era 1930’s New York, homesless dirtbag Edward Bing (Bill Hader) has lofty aspirations when a businessman (Ben Affleck) offers his a menial labor job.

New Beginnings CampSummary:

Kanye West performs “Black Skinhead”

Weekend Update with Seth MeyersSummary: Seth Meyers and Amy Poehler ask “Really!?!” to the IRS’ recent targeting of Tea Party members’ tax records. City Correspondent Stefon (Bill Hader) lists an inappropriate Spring tourist destination, then storms off to marry Anderon Cooper over Seth’s objections.

Recurring Characters: Stefon, Girl, Arianna Huffington, Ann Romney, David Patterson, Jean K. Jean, Jacob, Drunk Uncle, The Devil.

Transcript

Greg Pulino’s FuneralSummary:

Hermes HandbagsSummary: Vacuous ex-porn stars Brookie (Vanessa Bayer) and her frind (Cecily Strong) submit a commercial for free Hermes handbags, with the help of former porn actor Girth Brooks (Ben Affleck).

Recurring Characters: Brookie, Friend.

Transcript

Kanye West performs “New Slaves”

Shauna’s EngagementSummary:

Ian Rubbish and the Bizarros perform “It’s a Lovely Day”Recurring Characters: Ian Rubbish.

Transcript

GoodnightsTranscript

Dress Rehearsal Cuts

SNL Transcripts

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