Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 38: Bonus Episode 2
Replacement Refs
Larry…..Bobby Moynihan
Lewis…..Kenan Thompson
Paul…..Fred Armisen
Steve…..Tim Robinson
Judge…..Aidy Bryant
Defendant…..Bill Hader
Patient…..Taran Killam
Announcer: This Friday on NBC.
[ cut to theme sequence ]
Theme:
“Replacemet Refs! They’re trying their hardest.
What they lack in experience, they lack in decisiveness
You wanted the best
But you’re getting Replacement Refs!”
Larry: I’m Larry!
Lewis: I’m Lewis!
Paul: I’m Paul!
Steve: I’m Dave! I mean… Steve.
Theme:
“You wanted the bestBut you’re getting Replacement Refs!”
Steve: First down!
[ Paul blows his whistle, as Lewis throws down a yellow flag and Larry raises his arms ]
[ cut to exterior, courthouse ]
Announcer: Episode 42: “The Trial”.
[ dissolve to interior, courtroom ]
Judge: [ banging gavel ] Has the jury reached their verdict?
Steve: Ummm… yeah! I mean, we — we feel pretty good about it, yeah.
Judge: Will the defendant please rise?
Defendant: [ rising ] I just want to reiterate what I’ve said every day of this trial! I KILLED those people…! AND I’D DO IT AGAIN!!!
Judge: Mr. Foreman?
Steve: [ apprehensively ] Uh… uh… Not Guilty!
[ Paul blows his whistle, as Lewis throws down a yellow flag and Larry raises his arms ]
[ screen freezes ]
Theme:
“You wanted the best
But you’re getting Replacement Refs!”
[ SUPER: “No Replacement Refs Were Harmed In The Making Of This Program” ]
[ dissolve to exterior, Hospital ]
Announcer: Next week, on “Replacement Refs”:
[ dissolve to interior, hospital room ]
Patient: So… my ears are a little stuffed up… and there’s a hint of a tickle at the back of my throat.
Larry: [ worried ] Ohhh, he’s DEAD! Let’s call it!
Steve: Time of death: [ he glances briefly at his watch ] 2:15.
Patient: No, no, no! I’m not dead! [ he glances at his watch ] Also, it’s 4:30.
[ Paul blows his whistle, as Lewis throws down a yellow flag and Larry raises his arms ]
Theme:
“You wanted the best
But you’re getting Replacement Refs!”
Steve: First down!
[ Paul blows his whistle, as Lewis throws down a yellow flag and Larry raises his arms ]
[ fade ]
