SNL Transcripts: Weekend Update Thursday 2: 09/27/12: Replacement Refs



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 38: Bonus Episode 2












Weekend Update Thursday 2

Replacement Refs

Larry…..Bobby Moynihan
Lewis…..Kenan Thompson
Paul…..Fred Armisen
Steve…..Tim Robinson
Judge…..Aidy Bryant
Defendant…..Bill Hader
Patient…..Taran Killam

Announcer: This Friday on NBC.

[ cut to theme sequence ]

Theme:
“Replacemet Refs! They’re trying their hardest.
What they lack in experience, they lack in decisiveness
You wanted the best
But you’re getting Replacement Refs!”

Larry: I’m Larry!

Lewis: I’m Lewis!

Paul: I’m Paul!

Steve: I’m Dave! I mean… Steve.

Theme:
“You wanted the bestBut you’re getting Replacement Refs!”

Steve: First down!

[ Paul blows his whistle, as Lewis throws down a yellow flag and Larry raises his arms ] [ cut to exterior, courthouse ]

Announcer: Episode 42: “The Trial”.

[ dissolve to interior, courtroom ]

Judge: [ banging gavel ] Has the jury reached their verdict?

Steve: Ummm… yeah! I mean, we — we feel pretty good about it, yeah.

Judge: Will the defendant please rise?

Defendant: [ rising ] I just want to reiterate what I’ve said every day of this trial! I KILLED those people…! AND I’D DO IT AGAIN!!!

Judge: Mr. Foreman?

Steve: [ apprehensively ] Uh… uh… Not Guilty!

[ Paul blows his whistle, as Lewis throws down a yellow flag and Larry raises his arms ] [ screen freezes ]

Theme:
“You wanted the best
But you’re getting Replacement Refs!”

[ SUPER: “No Replacement Refs Were Harmed In The Making Of This Program” ] [ dissolve to exterior, Hospital ]

Announcer: Next week, on “Replacement Refs”:

[ dissolve to interior, hospital room ]

Patient: So… my ears are a little stuffed up… and there’s a hint of a tickle at the back of my throat.

Larry: [ worried ] Ohhh, he’s DEAD! Let’s call it!

Steve: Time of death: [ he glances briefly at his watch ] 2:15.

Patient: No, no, no! I’m not dead! [ he glances at his watch ] Also, it’s 4:30.

[ Paul blows his whistle, as Lewis throws down a yellow flag and Larry raises his arms ]

Theme:
“You wanted the best
But you’re getting Replacement Refs!”

Steve: First down!

[ Paul blows his whistle, as Lewis throws down a yellow flag and Larry raises his arms ] [ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

avatar
  Subscribe  
Notify of