SNL Transcripts: Weekend Update Thursday 2: 09/27/12: Replacement Refs



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  Season 38: Bonus Episode 2












Weekend Update Thursday 2

Replacement Refs

Larry…..Bobby Moynihan
Lewis…..Kenan Thompson
Paul…..Fred Armisen
Steve…..Tim Robinson
Judge…..Aidy Bryant
Defendant…..Bill Hader
Patient…..Taran Killam

Announcer: This Friday on NBC.

[ cut to theme sequence ]

Theme:
“Replacemet Refs! They’re trying their hardest.
What they lack in experience, they lack in decisiveness
You wanted the best
But you’re getting Replacement Refs!”

Larry: I’m Larry!

Lewis: I’m Lewis!

Paul: I’m Paul!

Steve: I’m Dave! I mean… Steve.

Theme:
“You wanted the bestBut you’re getting Replacement Refs!”

Steve: First down!

[ Paul blows his whistle, as Lewis throws down a yellow flag and Larry raises his arms ] [ cut to exterior, courthouse ]

Announcer: Episode 42: “The Trial”.

[ dissolve to interior, courtroom ]

Judge: [ banging gavel ] Has the jury reached their verdict?

Steve: Ummm… yeah! I mean, we — we feel pretty good about it, yeah.

Judge: Will the defendant please rise?

Defendant: [ rising ] I just want to reiterate what I’ve said every day of this trial! I KILLED those people…! AND I’D DO IT AGAIN!!!

Judge: Mr. Foreman?

Steve: [ apprehensively ] Uh… uh… Not Guilty!

[ Paul blows his whistle, as Lewis throws down a yellow flag and Larry raises his arms ] [ screen freezes ]

Theme:
“You wanted the best
But you’re getting Replacement Refs!”

[ SUPER: “No Replacement Refs Were Harmed In The Making Of This Program” ] [ dissolve to exterior, Hospital ]

Announcer: Next week, on “Replacement Refs”:

[ dissolve to interior, hospital room ]

Patient: So… my ears are a little stuffed up… and there’s a hint of a tickle at the back of my throat.

Larry: [ worried ] Ohhh, he’s DEAD! Let’s call it!

Steve: Time of death: [ he glances briefly at his watch ] 2:15.

Patient: No, no, no! I’m not dead! [ he glances at his watch ] Also, it’s 4:30.

[ Paul blows his whistle, as Lewis throws down a yellow flag and Larry raises his arms ]

Theme:
“You wanted the best
But you’re getting Replacement Refs!”

Steve: First down!

[ Paul blows his whistle, as Lewis throws down a yellow flag and Larry raises his arms ] [ fade ]

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