Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 39: Episode 2
Morning, Miami
Producer…..Vanessa Bayer
Yolanda…..Miley Cyrus
B.F…..Bobby Moynihan
Jill…..Kate McKinnon
[ open on morning show studio ]
Producer: Okay, guys, we’re ready to shoot this week’s promos. Let’s get the talent in here. [ the co-anchors approach the news desk ] Morning, guys!
B.F.: Is it? Is it a good morning? Can we just get this over with, please?
Producer: Okay, we’ve got the prompter… and we’re rolling! In 3… 2…!
[ graphics appear on-screen ]
All: MORNING, MIAMI!!!
Yolanda: Miami Monday is… Miami Fun Day!
B.F.: The incomparable TIKI BARBER is in the studio to talk about his new cookbook, and life in general!
Jill: And who makes the best curling iron? The answer might surprise you!
Yolanda: I’m Yolanda…
Jill: I’m Jill…
B.F.: And I’m B.F. Join us Monday, on…
All: MORNING, MIAMI!!!
Producer: And… we’re clear!
[ the co-anchors slam their coffee mugs on the news desk and fume ]
Producer: Okay… Tuesday’s promo is up! And remember to say your FULL names this time! And we’re ready to roll ! In 3… 2… 1!
[ graphics appear on-screen ]
All: MORNING, MIAMI!!!
Yolanda: This Tuesday is… Shoes Day, and we are pumping you full of pumps!
B.F.: Jeff Dunham’s PUPPETS are in the studio — Jeff dunham is not! And we’ll find out how funny those puppets really are!
Jill: Are ghosts real? Turns out, no! Here to talk about it, is actor Topher Grace!
Yolanda: I’m Yolanda…
Jill: I’m Jill…
B.F.: And I’m B.F. Join us Tuesday, on…
All: MORNING, MIAMI!!!
Producer: And… we’re clear!
[ the co-anchors slam their coffee mugs on the news desk and fume; Jill digs in her nose ]
Producer: Okay, Wednesday’s up! And remember, guys — full names! 3… 2…!
[ graphics appear on-screen ]
All: MORNING, MIAMI!!!
Yolanda: Get on your camel, or your significant other! Because it’s Hump Day!
Jill: Then: It’s a bird, it’s plane, it’s an… ugly rabbit? The worst-looking rabbits in the state of Florida are strutting their stuff in Tampa’s 23rd Annual Bummer Bunny contest!
B.F.: And the cast of the HIHESt-RATED cable show “Duck Dynasty” is here, to talk about how the duck call business is not all it’s quacked up to beak!
Yolanda: I’m Yolanda…
Jill: I’m Jill…
B.F.: And I’m B.F.! Join us Wednesday, on…
All: MORNING, MIAMI!!!
Producer: And… we’re clear!
[ the co-anchors slam their coffee mugs on the news desk and fume; Jill digs in her nose ]
[ Jill starts to sing to herself ]
B.F.: Oh, shut it!
Yolanda: Shut it!
B.F.: Shut it up!
Producer: Okay, guys. No show on Thursday, because it’s a leap week. So Friday’s promo is up! FULL NAMES! And we’re on! In 3… 2…!
[ graphics appear on-screen ]
All: MORNING, MIAMI!!!
Yolanda: Friday is Rye Day! What can you put between two pieces of bread? The answer… may turn you on!
Jill: Then: He’s a helicopter, he’s a machine gun, he’s a bigot? Racist foley artist Bill Spinx is here to make soem funny sounds and some awful comments!
B.F.: He can throw a 90-mile-per-hour fast ball, but get this: He’s only ONE years old! Infant pitcher Danny Baker’s in the studio!
Yolanda: I’m Yolanda Natalie Portman…
Jill: I’m Jill Amockingbird…
B.F.: And I’m BITCH FANTASTIC! Join us Friday, on…
All: MORNING, MIAMI!!!
[ fade ]