SNL Transcripts: Miley Cyrus: 10/05/13: Miley Cyrus’ Monologue


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 39: Episode 2

13b: Miley Cyrus

Miley Cyrus’ Monologue

…..Miley Cyrus
…..Bobby Moynihan

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen — Miley Cyrus!

Miley Cyrus: Thank you! Thank you! Thank you very much! It is SO great to be hosting “SNL”. In case anyone’s concerned, you should no there will be NO twerking tonight. I used to think twerking was cool, but… now that white people are doing it, it seems kind of lame. Now, I know a lot of you saw me perform recently at the VMA’s. And in ase anybody missed it, here is one of the more… low-key moments:

[ image: holding a foam finger down her crotch ]

Miley Cyrus: I got a lot of letters from… angry mothers… turned-on fathers… and, this is true, I actually got a complaint from the inventor of the giant foam finger. But, it’s okay. I gave him tickets to tonight’s show, soooo… We’re all good, right, Jeff?

[ in the audience, Jeff holds up a giant foam finger ]

Miley Cyrus: Now… I don’t apologize for my VMA performance. If I owe anybody an apology, it’s the people who make the bottom half of shirts. But… there are a few subjects we’re NOT gonna get into tonight. I’m not gonna do Hanna Montana, BUT — I can give you an update on what she’s been up to. She was murdered. And, also, we went back and forth on this, but, guys — I just don’t think we should do that wrecking ball sketch.

[ cut to a naked Bobby Moynihan sitting atop a wrecking ball ]

Bobby Moynihan: WHAT?!! Miley, come on! My mom is here!

Miley Cyrus: Sorry, Bobby! We’ve got a great show. I’m here. So stick around, and we’ll be right back!

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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