SNL Transcripts: Miley Cyrus: 10/05/13: Miley Cyrus’ Monologue

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 39: Episode 2

13b: Miley Cyrus

Miley Cyrus’ Monologue

…..Miley Cyrus
…..Bobby Moynihan

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen — Miley Cyrus!

Miley Cyrus: Thank you! Thank you! Thank you very much! It is SO great to be hosting “SNL”. In case anyone’s concerned, you should no there will be NO twerking tonight. I used to think twerking was cool, but… now that white people are doing it, it seems kind of lame. Now, I know a lot of you saw me perform recently at the VMA’s. And in ase anybody missed it, here is one of the more… low-key moments:

[ image: holding a foam finger down her crotch ]

Miley Cyrus: I got a lot of letters from… angry mothers… turned-on fathers… and, this is true, I actually got a complaint from the inventor of the giant foam finger. But, it’s okay. I gave him tickets to tonight’s show, soooo… We’re all good, right, Jeff?

[ in the audience, Jeff holds up a giant foam finger ]

Miley Cyrus: Now… I don’t apologize for my VMA performance. If I owe anybody an apology, it’s the people who make the bottom half of shirts. But… there are a few subjects we’re NOT gonna get into tonight. I’m not gonna do Hanna Montana, BUT — I can give you an update on what she’s been up to. She was murdered. And, also, we went back and forth on this, but, guys — I just don’t think we should do that wrecking ball sketch.

[ cut to a naked Bobby Moynihan sitting atop a wrecking ball ]

Bobby Moynihan: WHAT?!! Miley, come on! My mom is here!

Miley Cyrus: Sorry, Bobby! We’ve got a great show. I’m here. So stick around, and we’ll be right back!

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