SNL Transcripts: Kerry Washington: 11/02/13: Ice Cream



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 39: Episode 5






















13e: Kerry Washington / Eminem

Ice Cream

Clerk….Kyle Mooney
Man…..Beck Bennett
Woman…..Vanessa Bayer
Manager…..Taran Killam
Paramedics…..Kenan Thompson, Kate McKinnon, Noel Wells, Jay Pharoah

[ open on ice cream shop, as a couple walks up to the counter ]

Clerk: What can I get for you guys?

Woman: Can I have a scoop of vanilla and chocolate chip?

Man: And I’ll have a waffle cone with… cookies and cream annnnnnd… chocolate peanut butter. Oh — and we’re also gonna need, uh, two ambulances to wheel us out of here when we’re done!

[ she laughs with him ] [ Clerk stares at them blankly ]

Man: Just because of all the sugar. You know? It’s just a joke.

[ Clerk stares blankly, as the scene morphs into what’s going through his mind: introspective scenery of walking along the riverbank and contemplating it all ]

Man V/O: Oh, we’re also gonna need two ambulances to wheel us out of here when we’re done! [ he laughs ] Just because of all the sugar… Of all the sugar… Of all the sugar…

[ scene morphs back into the ice cream shop ]

Man: Sorry, didn’t mean to, uh, give you too much to think about. Just the ice cream would be fine.

Clerk: Uhhh…

[ Clerk stares blankly, then the scene morphs to him perusing books at the library, performing math calculations, trying to digest as much information as he can ]

Man V/O: Sorry, didn’t mean to, uh, give you too much to think about. Just the ice cream would be fine. I’ll have a waffle cone with cookies and cream… and chocolate peanut butter. We’re also gonna need two ambulances to wheel us out of here when we’re done.

[ back at the ice cream shop, Clerk has an out-of-body experience and appears behind the couple ]

Man: It’s just a joke…

[ the Manager walks up ]

Manager: Is everything okay here, folks?

Man: Uh, no — not really. We just ordered some ice cream, and I joked about ordering so much ice cream that we might need a couple of ambulances to get us out of here. But it was just a joke!

Woman: Yeah!

[ the Manager also stares blankly, as the scene morphs into what’s going through his mind: seeking information at the library with the Clerk, then an out-of-body experience of his own ]

Man V/O: I joked about ordering so much ice cream, that we might need a couple of ambulances to get us out of here.

Manager V/O: Is everything alright here?

Man V/O: No, everything’s not okay. We just ordered some ice cream, and I joked about ordering so much ice cream that we might need a couple of ambulances… a couple of ambulances… a couple of ambulances… a couple of ambulances…

[ the Manager and Clerk test the ice cream for sugar intake, eventually going so far as to require assistance from paramedics, who burst into the ice cream shop in real-time to revive them, as the stunned couple watch ]

Paramedics: Hey, what the hell happened here?!

Man: Nothing! We were just ORDERING ice cream, and then I made a JOKE about needing tow ambulances to take us out of here!

[ the paramedics laugh, then turn sour ] [ suddenly, the Manager chokes up his waffle cone and smiles ]

Manager: Oh, I get it!

[ the Man throws his arms up in defeat ] [ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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