SNL Transcripts: Josh Hutcherson: 11/23/13: 80’s Song


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 39: Episode 7

13g: Josh Hutcherson / HAIM

80’s Song

Veronica…..Vanessa Bayer
Girlfriend #1…..Noël Wells
Girlfriend #2…..Cecily Strong
Girlfriend #3…..Kate McKinnon
Girlfriend #4…..Nasim Pedrad
Girlfriend #5…..Aidy Bryant
Devon…..Josh Hutcherson
Friends…..Kenan Thompson, Taran Killam
Band Girls…..HAIM

[ open on suburban scene in the 1980’s, as five pastel-colored girls walk in front of a house ]

Girlfriend #1: Guys, I know I say this all the time, but I hope the 80’s never end!

Girlfriend #2: Me, too — I love my huge bangs!

Girlfriend #3: Shoot, that reminds me — I need to buy some leg warmers… and some skorts!

Girlfriend #4: And I need pleated jeans for my legs. Let’s hit the 80’s mall!

Veronica: You guys go ahead. I’m gonna check in with Josie — she wasn’t at school today.

Girlfriend #5: Okay, cool! Just text us when you’re done!

Veronica: [ confused ] Just “what” you…?

Girlfriend #5: I mean, uhh… pass me a note, in the mail or with a pigeon! Bye!

[ the girls run off, as Veronica steps onto the front porch and rings the doorbell ]

[ she holds the door open as Devon steps out ]

Veronica: Oh, hey! You must be Devon, Josie’s younger brother?

Devon: [ he shrugs ] Maybe I am.

Veronica: I’m Josie’s friend Veronica, I was in the neighborhood and I was wondering: Is Josie home?

Devon: [ lip- synching ] “Josie’s on a vacation far away
Come around and talk it over!”

Veronica: Oh, that’s okay! I can come back. I mean, you’re a sophomore and I’m a senior; what would we even have to talk about?

Devon: [ lip- synching ] “So many things that I want to say
You know I like my girls a little bit older!”

Veronica: [ impressed ] Devon! I don’t understand! What exactly are you saying?!

Devon: [ lip- synching ] “I just wanna use your love toni-i-ight!”

Veronica: Excuse me?!

[ two of Devon’s friends pop thir heads out of adjacent windows ]

Friends: [ lip-synching ] “I don’t wanna lose your love toni-i-ight!”

[ Friend #2 pounds two notes on a beat machine before they disappear back into the house ]

Veronica: Oh. So your friends are here, too. I’m sure you have TONS of friends.

Devon: [ lip- synching ] “I ain’t got many friends left to talk to.”

Veronica: Well, the truth is: You don’t need a lot of friends, just as long as you have a couple of real good ones.

Devon: [ lip- synching ] “Nowhere to run when I’m in trouble.”

Veronica: I get it. I wish there was someone there for me, too.

Devon: [ lip- synching ] “You know I’d do anything for you
Stay the night but keep it undercover!”

Veronica: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Keep it undercover”? Okay, do you just want a piece on the down low? Uh-uh! That is NOT what I’m about, Devon, and I doubt that your sister Josie would approve of that attitude, either!

[ she starts to run off, but Devon grabs her hands ]

Devon: [ lip- synching ] “Try to stop my hands from shakin’…”

Veronica: Devon!

Devon: [ lip- synching ] “‘Cause somethin’ in my mind’s not makin’ sense…”

Veronica: Devon!

[ his friends pop their heads out of the windows with instruments ]

Devon: [ lip- synching ] “It’s been awhile since we were all alone…”

Veronica: Devon!

Devon: [ lip- synching ] “I can’t hide the way I’m feelin’.”

Veronica: You know what? I can’t hide the way I’m feeling, either. And I’m feeling very confused. I’m going now, and I’m leaving the door open.

[ she rushes down the walk ]

Devon: [ lip- synching ] “As you’re leaving, please, would you close the door?
And don’t forget what I told you.”

Veronica: [ lip-synching with her friends ] “Just ’cause you’re right, that don’t mean I’m wrong
Another shoulder to cry upon.”

[ she runs back up the walk to Devon ]

Devon: [ screechy ] “I just wanna use your love toni-i-i-i-ightttt!” [ he clears his throat ] I mean… [ lip-synching ] “I just wanna use your love toni-i-ight, yeah!
I don’t wanna lose your love tonight! Yeah!”

Veronica: Oh, I love you, Devon! I’ve always loved you! But just so you know up front: I don’t do mouth-stuff.

Devon: [ lip- synching ] “You know that I wish I had Jesse’s girl!
You know that I wish I had Jesse’s girl!
Where can I find a woman like that…?”

[ pull out, fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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