Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 39: Episode 7
Girlfriend #1…..Noël Wells
Girlfriend #2…..Cecily Strong
Girlfriend #3…..Kate McKinnon
Girlfriend #4…..Nasim Pedrad
Girlfriend #5…..Aidy Bryant
Friends…..Kenan Thompson, Taran Killam
[ open on suburban scene in the 1980’s, as five pastel-colored girls walk in front of a house ]
Girlfriend #1: Guys, I know I say this all the time, but I hope the 80’s never end!
Girlfriend #2: Me, too — I love my huge bangs!
Girlfriend #3: Shoot, that reminds me — I need to buy some leg warmers… and some skorts!
Girlfriend #4: And I need pleated jeans for my legs. Let’s hit the 80’s mall!
Veronica: You guys go ahead. I’m gonna check in with Josie — she wasn’t at school today.
Girlfriend #5: Okay, cool! Just text us when you’re done!
Veronica: [ confused ] Just “what” you…?
Girlfriend #5: I mean, uhh… pass me a note, in the mail or with a pigeon! Bye!
[ the girls run off, as Veronica steps onto the front porch and rings the doorbell ]
[ she holds the door open as Devon steps out ]
Veronica: Oh, hey! You must be Devon, Josie’s younger brother?
Devon: [ he shrugs ] Maybe I am.
Veronica: I’m Josie’s friend Veronica, I was in the neighborhood and I was wondering: Is Josie home?
Devon: [ lip- synching ] “Josie’s on a vacation far away
Come around and talk it over!”
Veronica: Oh, that’s okay! I can come back. I mean, you’re a sophomore and I’m a senior; what would we even have to talk about?
Devon: [ lip- synching ] “So many things that I want to say
You know I like my girls a little bit older!”
Veronica: [ impressed ] Devon! I don’t understand! What exactly are you saying?!
Devon: [ lip- synching ] “I just wanna use your love toni-i-ight!”
Veronica: Excuse me?!
[ two of Devon’s friends pop thir heads out of adjacent windows ]
Friends: [ lip-synching ] “I don’t wanna lose your love toni-i-ight!”
[ Friend #2 pounds two notes on a beat machine before they disappear back into the house ]
Veronica: Oh. So your friends are here, too. I’m sure you have TONS of friends.
Devon: [ lip- synching ] “I ain’t got many friends left to talk to.”
Veronica: Well, the truth is: You don’t need a lot of friends, just as long as you have a couple of real good ones.
Devon: [ lip- synching ] “Nowhere to run when I’m in trouble.”
Veronica: I get it. I wish there was someone there for me, too.
Devon: [ lip- synching ] “You know I’d do anything for you
Stay the night but keep it undercover!”
Veronica: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Keep it undercover”? Okay, do you just want a piece on the down low? Uh-uh! That is NOT what I’m about, Devon, and I doubt that your sister Josie would approve of that attitude, either!
[ she starts to run off, but Devon grabs her hands ]
Devon: [ lip- synching ] “Try to stop my hands from shakin’…”
Devon: [ lip- synching ] “‘Cause somethin’ in my mind’s not makin’ sense…”
[ his friends pop their heads out of the windows with instruments ]
Devon: [ lip- synching ] “It’s been awhile since we were all alone…”
Devon: [ lip- synching ] “I can’t hide the way I’m feelin’.”
Veronica: You know what? I can’t hide the way I’m feeling, either. And I’m feeling very confused. I’m going now, and I’m leaving the door open.
[ she rushes down the walk ]
Devon: [ lip- synching ] “As you’re leaving, please, would you close the door?
And don’t forget what I told you.”
Veronica: [ lip-synching with her friends ] “Just ’cause you’re right, that don’t mean I’m wrong
Another shoulder to cry upon.”
[ she runs back up the walk to Devon ]
Devon: [ screechy ] “I just wanna use your love toni-i-i-i-ightttt!” [ he clears his throat ] I mean… [ lip-synching ] “I just wanna use your love toni-i-ight, yeah!
I don’t wanna lose your love tonight! Yeah!”
Veronica: Oh, I love you, Devon! I’ve always loved you! But just so you know up front: I don’t do mouth-stuff.
Devon: [ lip- synching ] “You know that I wish I had Jesse’s girl!
You know that I wish I had Jesse’s girl!
Where can I find a woman like that…?”
[ pull out, fade ]