SNL Transcripts: Josh Hutcherson: 11/23/13: Girlfriends Talk Show


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 39: Episode 7

13g: Josh Hutcherson / HAIM

Girlfriends Talk Show

Kyra…..Cecily Strong
Morgan….Aidy Bryant
Trevor Masterson….Josh Hutcherson

[ open on theme montage ]

Theme Song:
“Girlfriends talkin’ ’bout guys and stuff!
Girlfriends talkin’ ’bout cute guys and clothes!
Girlfriends Talk Show!”

[ dissolve to Morgan and Kyra on set ]

Kyra: Oh, my God, hi. [ waves ]

Morgan: Hi! And welcome to “Girlfriends Talk Show”.

Kyra: I’m Kyra to the max!

Morgan: And I’m the most Morgan I can be right now.

Kyra: And we’re BFFs.

Morgan: Yeah. We’re such BFFs that we finish each other’s…

Kyra: Awesome.

Morgan: …Sentences.

Kyra: Totally.

Morgan: Well, we have a great show for you. We’re doing it all on our own today.

Kyra: No, we’re not. I invited Trevor Masterson.

Morgan: You what!? He’s, like, the cutest boy in school. How could you do this to me?

Kyra: Awesome. Let’s bring him out.

[ Trevor walks on set, waving to everyone before sitting down ]

Trevor: Hey. Hey Kyra, hi Morgan.

Morgan: Oh my God, he knows my name!

Trevor: Yeah, of course I do.

Morgan: [ kind of hyperventilating ] Aaaaahhh!

Trevor: You have a really cool show. I don’t know if I’m, I mean, I don’t know if I’m *that* cute, though. I have been working out lately. [ he clumsily tries to show off his arm ]

Kyra: Yeah. [ Morgan starts sort of nervously gaping and swallowing ] Morgan, your mouth is wide open. Why are you making that face?

Morgan: Aaahhoooohh… [ she awkwardly raises her arms ] I guess I was just yawning. Because I’m so chill with whatever’s happening right now.

Kyra: Trevor’s on the school soccer team and in the male a capella group called ‘Fourtisibros’. Morgan goes to every show ‘cus he’s her secret crush.

Morgan: No he’s not! Kyra! Why would I go to someone’s show just because they’re, like, super foiiine.

[ Trevor smiles at Morgan and she laughs a bit nervously ]

Kyra: Whatever. Why don’t you do one of your songs for us, Trevor?

Trevor: Uh yeah, sure. But, I mean, it might sound kinda weird without the other guys here. [ he steels himself and sings in a low-pitch ] Baaaaaaaaaaa… You don’t know you’re beautiful.

Kyra: That’s nice.

Trevor: It sounds so much better with all the other guys. [ he shrugs ] I mean… big difference.

Kyra: So awesome. Okay. First topic.

Morgan: [ pulls up some fuchsia tights ] Fashion tights!

Trevor: Parties.

Kyra: [ pointing at Trevor, matter-of-fact ] Parties.

Morgan: What? When did you guys change the topic?

Kyra: Yesterday.

Morgan: [ dismayed ] How do you guys even know each other so well?

Kyra: I met Trevor at Tara’s party.

Trevor: Yeah, it was radical. We played spin the bottle and I kept making it land on Becky Weathers.

Morgan: Becky Weathers? She’s a witch with a “b” in front! She’s always taking unflattering photos of me and texting them to my phone when she knows I have very limited texting!

Kyra: Yeah. Morgan has a fave five family plan. It just has her mom’s number, me, her dad, Domino’s Pizza, and 911.

Trevor: Why is 911 in your five faves?

Morgan: Um, I don’t know. Maybe because I’m allergic to bees. I mean, it’s not their fault. I’m just, I’m always reaching for them. [ she mimes “reaching for bees” ]

Kyra: Awesome.

Trevor: That’s so weird. I love it.

Morgan: You do?

Trevor: Yeah.

Morgan: Um, you know there’s a study somewhere that uh, weird people are the best at romantic bed time for private, under the sheet, fantasy moments. [ she bobs her head and sticks out her tongue a bit… possibly trying to look sexy ]

Kyra: What are you doing?

Morgan: I don’t know!

Kyra: Morgan, what are you even talking about? That’s not for you. Where did that even come from?

Morgan: I don’t know! I think I might be entering womanhood *right now*!

Trevor: [ claps his hands and laughs ] That’s hilarious! You’re so much funnier than Becky Weathers!

Morgan: [ surprised and hopeful ] Really?

Trevor: Yeah! You know I feel like I could hang out with you all day and laugh. And then just go see her at night and, like, have a make-out sesh.

Morgan: …What kind of hell am I in right now?

Kyra: Awesome. Next topic.

Trevor: Selfies!

Morgan: Miniature Christmas villages! [ she pulls out a miniature Christmas village ]

Kyra: No. Selfies. We changed that.

[ Trevor picks up his cell phone and tries to take a selfie ]

Morgan: What? Why? My self isn’t so self-involved. Also my phone doesn’t even have a camera.

Kyra: Oh wait, Trevor. Remember that selfie Tara took that we laughed so hard about? [ she starts giggling ]

Trevor: [ laughing ] Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then she accidentally sent it to her school bus driver. I remember.

Kyra: That was *so* funny.

Trevor: We laughed so hard about that.

Morgan: [ moving into the frame to join Trevor and Kyra ] Ahahahaha! Oh man, Kyra. Remember when we went to Panera and I accidentally dropped my sandwich and all the ingredients went everywhere?

Kyra: Yeah.

Morgan: Yeah, remember how hard we laughed at that?

Kyra: I remember the people that worked there laughed and I just watched you clean up your sandwich. It made me sad.

Morgan: God. Kyra, can you just please work with me! I’m not like you. I’m fighting for my life out here! You *have* a boyfriend!

Kyra: I know. And my boyfriend’s older. The other day he asked me to go sit at a fountain and eat a to-go box of fully loaded beef nachos. While he watched with his opera glasses from a nearby restaurant. When I finished my nachos, he drove by in a car and threw a note out the window. It said “great job”. [ shakes her head in amusement ] My boyfriend’s crazy!

Trevor: Sounds kinda cool to me.

Morgan: Trevor, I love you!

Trevor: What?

Morgan: Oh my God, what have I done!?

Kyra: Awesome. Well join us next time. Later, bye!

[ they all wave goodbye ]

Theme Song: “Girlfriends Talk Show!”

[ fade ]

Submitted by: Sunnie S.

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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