Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 39: Episode 7
Girlfriends Talk Show
Trevor Masterson….Josh Hutcherson
[ open on theme montage ]
“Girlfriends talkin’ ’bout guys and stuff!
Girlfriends talkin’ ’bout cute guys and clothes!
Girlfriends Talk Show!”
[ dissolve to Morgan and Kyra on set ]
Kyra: Oh, my God, hi. [ waves ]
Morgan: Hi! And welcome to “Girlfriends Talk Show”.
Kyra: I’m Kyra to the max!
Morgan: And I’m the most Morgan I can be right now.
Kyra: And we’re BFFs.
Morgan: Yeah. We’re such BFFs that we finish each other’s…
Morgan: Well, we have a great show for you. We’re doing it all on our own today.
Kyra: No, we’re not. I invited Trevor Masterson.
Morgan: You what!? He’s, like, the cutest boy in school. How could you do this to me?
Kyra: Awesome. Let’s bring him out.
[ Trevor walks on set, waving to everyone before sitting down ]
Trevor: Hey. Hey Kyra, hi Morgan.
Morgan: Oh my God, he knows my name!
Trevor: Yeah, of course I do.
Morgan: [ kind of hyperventilating ] Aaaaahhh!
Trevor: You have a really cool show. I don’t know if I’m, I mean, I don’t know if I’m *that* cute, though. I have been working out lately. [ he clumsily tries to show off his arm ]
Kyra: Yeah. [ Morgan starts sort of nervously gaping and swallowing ] Morgan, your mouth is wide open. Why are you making that face?
Morgan: Aaahhoooohh… [ she awkwardly raises her arms ] I guess I was just yawning. Because I’m so chill with whatever’s happening right now.
Kyra: Trevor’s on the school soccer team and in the male a capella group called ‘Fourtisibros’. Morgan goes to every show ‘cus he’s her secret crush.
Morgan: No he’s not! Kyra! Why would I go to someone’s show just because they’re, like, super foiiine.
[ Trevor smiles at Morgan and she laughs a bit nervously ]
Kyra: Whatever. Why don’t you do one of your songs for us, Trevor?
Trevor: Uh yeah, sure. But, I mean, it might sound kinda weird without the other guys here. [ he steels himself and sings in a low-pitch ] Baaaaaaaaaaa… You don’t know you’re beautiful.
Kyra: That’s nice.
Trevor: It sounds so much better with all the other guys. [ he shrugs ] I mean… big difference.
Kyra: So awesome. Okay. First topic.
Morgan: [ pulls up some fuchsia tights ] Fashion tights!
Kyra: [ pointing at Trevor, matter-of-fact ] Parties.
Morgan: What? When did you guys change the topic?
Morgan: [ dismayed ] How do you guys even know each other so well?
Kyra: I met Trevor at Tara’s party.
Trevor: Yeah, it was radical. We played spin the bottle and I kept making it land on Becky Weathers.
Morgan: Becky Weathers? She’s a witch with a “b” in front! She’s always taking unflattering photos of me and texting them to my phone when she knows I have very limited texting!
Kyra: Yeah. Morgan has a fave five family plan. It just has her mom’s number, me, her dad, Domino’s Pizza, and 911.
Trevor: Why is 911 in your five faves?
Morgan: Um, I don’t know. Maybe because I’m allergic to bees. I mean, it’s not their fault. I’m just, I’m always reaching for them. [ she mimes “reaching for bees” ]
Trevor: That’s so weird. I love it.
Morgan: You do?
Morgan: Um, you know there’s a study somewhere that uh, weird people are the best at romantic bed time for private, under the sheet, fantasy moments. [ she bobs her head and sticks out her tongue a bit… possibly trying to look sexy ]
Kyra: What are you doing?
Morgan: I don’t know!
Kyra: Morgan, what are you even talking about? That’s not for you. Where did that even come from?
Morgan: I don’t know! I think I might be entering womanhood *right now*!
Trevor: [ claps his hands and laughs ] That’s hilarious! You’re so much funnier than Becky Weathers!
Morgan: [ surprised and hopeful ] Really?
Trevor: Yeah! You know I feel like I could hang out with you all day and laugh. And then just go see her at night and, like, have a make-out sesh.
Morgan: …What kind of hell am I in right now?
Kyra: Awesome. Next topic.
Morgan: Miniature Christmas villages! [ she pulls out a miniature Christmas village ]
Kyra: No. Selfies. We changed that.
[ Trevor picks up his cell phone and tries to take a selfie ]
Morgan: What? Why? My self isn’t so self-involved. Also my phone doesn’t even have a camera.
Kyra: Oh wait, Trevor. Remember that selfie Tara took that we laughed so hard about? [ she starts giggling ]
Trevor: [ laughing ] Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then she accidentally sent it to her school bus driver. I remember.
Kyra: That was *so* funny.
Trevor: We laughed so hard about that.
Morgan: [ moving into the frame to join Trevor and Kyra ] Ahahahaha! Oh man, Kyra. Remember when we went to Panera and I accidentally dropped my sandwich and all the ingredients went everywhere?
Morgan: Yeah, remember how hard we laughed at that?
Kyra: I remember the people that worked there laughed and I just watched you clean up your sandwich. It made me sad.
Morgan: God. Kyra, can you just please work with me! I’m not like you. I’m fighting for my life out here! You *have* a boyfriend!
Kyra: I know. And my boyfriend’s older. The other day he asked me to go sit at a fountain and eat a to-go box of fully loaded beef nachos. While he watched with his opera glasses from a nearby restaurant. When I finished my nachos, he drove by in a car and threw a note out the window. It said “great job”. [ shakes her head in amusement ] My boyfriend’s crazy!
Trevor: Sounds kinda cool to me.
Morgan: Trevor, I love you!
Morgan: Oh my God, what have I done!?
Kyra: Awesome. Well join us next time. Later, bye!
[ they all wave goodbye ]
Theme Song: “Girlfriends Talk Show!”
[ fade ]
Submitted by: Sunnie S.