SNL Transcripts: Josh Hutcherson: 11/23/13: Girlfriends Talk Show



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 39: Episode 7




13g: Josh Hutcherson / HAIM

Girlfriends Talk Show

Kyra…..Cecily Strong
Morgan….Aidy Bryant
Trevor Masterson….Josh Hutcherson

[ open on theme montage ]

Theme Song:
“Girlfriends talkin’ ’bout guys and stuff!
Girlfriends talkin’ ’bout cute guys and clothes!
Girlfriends Talk Show!”

[ dissolve to Morgan and Kyra on set ]

Kyra: Oh, my God, hi. [ waves ]

Morgan: Hi! And welcome to “Girlfriends Talk Show”.

Kyra: I’m Kyra to the max!

Morgan: And I’m the most Morgan I can be right now.

Kyra: And we’re BFFs.

Morgan: Yeah. We’re such BFFs that we finish each other’s…

Kyra: Awesome.

Morgan: …Sentences.

Kyra: Totally.

Morgan: Well, we have a great show for you. We’re doing it all on our own today.

Kyra: No, we’re not. I invited Trevor Masterson.

Morgan: You what!? He’s, like, the cutest boy in school. How could you do this to me?

Kyra: Awesome. Let’s bring him out.

[ Trevor walks on set, waving to everyone before sitting down ]

Trevor: Hey. Hey Kyra, hi Morgan.

Morgan: Oh my God, he knows my name!

Trevor: Yeah, of course I do.

Morgan: [ kind of hyperventilating ] Aaaaahhh!

Trevor: You have a really cool show. I don’t know if I’m, I mean, I don’t know if I’m *that* cute, though. I have been working out lately. [ he clumsily tries to show off his arm ]

Kyra: Yeah. [ Morgan starts sort of nervously gaping and swallowing ] Morgan, your mouth is wide open. Why are you making that face?

Morgan: Aaahhoooohh… [ she awkwardly raises her arms ] I guess I was just yawning. Because I’m so chill with whatever’s happening right now.

Kyra: Trevor’s on the school soccer team and in the male a capella group called ‘Fourtisibros’. Morgan goes to every show ‘cus he’s her secret crush.

Morgan: No he’s not! Kyra! Why would I go to someone’s show just because they’re, like, super foiiine.

[ Trevor smiles at Morgan and she laughs a bit nervously ]

Kyra: Whatever. Why don’t you do one of your songs for us, Trevor?

Trevor: Uh yeah, sure. But, I mean, it might sound kinda weird without the other guys here. [ he steels himself and sings in a low-pitch ] Baaaaaaaaaaa… You don’t know you’re beautiful.

Kyra: That’s nice.

Trevor: It sounds so much better with all the other guys. [ he shrugs ] I mean… big difference.

Kyra: So awesome. Okay. First topic.

Morgan: [ pulls up some fuchsia tights ] Fashion tights!

Trevor: Parties.

Kyra: [ pointing at Trevor, matter-of-fact ] Parties.

Morgan: What? When did you guys change the topic?

Kyra: Yesterday.

Morgan: [ dismayed ] How do you guys even know each other so well?

Kyra: I met Trevor at Tara’s party.

Trevor: Yeah, it was radical. We played spin the bottle and I kept making it land on Becky Weathers.

Morgan: Becky Weathers? She’s a witch with a “b” in front! She’s always taking unflattering photos of me and texting them to my phone when she knows I have very limited texting!

Kyra: Yeah. Morgan has a fave five family plan. It just has her mom’s number, me, her dad, Domino’s Pizza, and 911.

Trevor: Why is 911 in your five faves?

Morgan: Um, I don’t know. Maybe because I’m allergic to bees. I mean, it’s not their fault. I’m just, I’m always reaching for them. [ she mimes “reaching for bees” ]

Kyra: Awesome.

Trevor: That’s so weird. I love it.

Morgan: You do?

Trevor: Yeah.

Morgan: Um, you know there’s a study somewhere that uh, weird people are the best at romantic bed time for private, under the sheet, fantasy moments. [ she bobs her head and sticks out her tongue a bit… possibly trying to look sexy ]

Kyra: What are you doing?

Morgan: I don’t know!

Kyra: Morgan, what are you even talking about? That’s not for you. Where did that even come from?

Morgan: I don’t know! I think I might be entering womanhood *right now*!

Trevor: [ claps his hands and laughs ] That’s hilarious! You’re so much funnier than Becky Weathers!

Morgan: [ surprised and hopeful ] Really?

Trevor: Yeah! You know I feel like I could hang out with you all day and laugh. And then just go see her at night and, like, have a make-out sesh.

Morgan: …What kind of hell am I in right now?

Kyra: Awesome. Next topic.

Trevor: Selfies!

Morgan: Miniature Christmas villages! [ she pulls out a miniature Christmas village ]

Kyra: No. Selfies. We changed that.

[ Trevor picks up his cell phone and tries to take a selfie ]

Morgan: What? Why? My self isn’t so self-involved. Also my phone doesn’t even have a camera.

Kyra: Oh wait, Trevor. Remember that selfie Tara took that we laughed so hard about? [ she starts giggling ]

Trevor: [ laughing ] Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then she accidentally sent it to her school bus driver. I remember.

Kyra: That was *so* funny.

Trevor: We laughed so hard about that.

Morgan: [ moving into the frame to join Trevor and Kyra ] Ahahahaha! Oh man, Kyra. Remember when we went to Panera and I accidentally dropped my sandwich and all the ingredients went everywhere?

Kyra: Yeah.

Morgan: Yeah, remember how hard we laughed at that?

Kyra: I remember the people that worked there laughed and I just watched you clean up your sandwich. It made me sad.

Morgan: God. Kyra, can you just please work with me! I’m not like you. I’m fighting for my life out here! You *have* a boyfriend!

Kyra: I know. And my boyfriend’s older. The other day he asked me to go sit at a fountain and eat a to-go box of fully loaded beef nachos. While he watched with his opera glasses from a nearby restaurant. When I finished my nachos, he drove by in a car and threw a note out the window. It said “great job”. [ shakes her head in amusement ] My boyfriend’s crazy!

Trevor: Sounds kinda cool to me.

Morgan: Trevor, I love you!

Trevor: What?

Morgan: Oh my God, what have I done!?

Kyra: Awesome. Well join us next time. Later, bye!

[ they all wave goodbye ]

Theme Song: “Girlfriends Talk Show!”

[ fade ]

Submitted by: Sunnie S.

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