SNL Transcripts: Josh Hutcherson: 11/23/13: Matchbox 3


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 39: Episode 7

13g: Josh Hutcherson / HAIM

Matchbox 3

Kid Float…..Kenan Thompson
Amir…..Jay Pharoah
Lil’ Peanut…..Josh Hutcherson

[ in a black and white, documentary style short video, rap music plays over shots of NYC and its subway system. “Matchbox 3” is graffiti’d on the side of the train door ]

[ by a chainlink fence, facing the Brooklyn Bridge, a street dancer gives an interview ]

Kid Float: Yo, being a subway performer ain’t easy, man. Especially in a city like New York.

[ three subway dancers walk into a train and then we cut to the second street dancer giving an interview ]

Amir: I mean, you’re competing with so many other performers. If you wanna survive, you gotta find an angle. Some’in.

[ cut to the third subway dancer in front of a park ]

Lil’ Peanut: Anybody can dance on any subway train. Only a few can dance when it’s crowded. It takes a special ability.

[ cut to the three subway dancers entering a fairly packed train ]

Amir: Ladies and gentlemen! We’re the Matchbox 3!

Lil’ Peanut: Three!

Kid Float: Three!

Amir: Get ready for the show of yo’ dreams!

Kid Float & Lil’ Peanut: The show of yo’ dreams!

Amir: As you can see, this train is very crowded. But do not worry. We have perfected the art of b-boy dancing within a three inch radius of our own bodies!

[ Amir leans down to turn on the radio. The subway dancers start grooving to it, keeping to their space ]

Kid Float: [ voiceover ] I mean, our philosophy is, more eyeballs means more dollars.

[ the three subway dancers are talking outside a park ]

Amir: Yeah, this is like, this all your business, you know?

Lil’ Peanut: Yeah, the more people on the car, is like a hundred… a hundred potential customers, you know?

Amir: Yeah.

[ they continue to dance but the train riders aren’t very interested. Cut back to Kid Float’s interview ]

Kid Float: You can’t stir the pot on the train! [ shows the dance move involving moving his whole arm out in circles; like stirring a pot ] That’s why I stir the espresso. [ shows said move by miming stirring a drink ]

[ Kid Float shows his stirring moves on a crowded train. Cut to Lil’ Peanut doing the running man, then doing an interview on a train platform ]

Lil’ Peanut: Y’all know the “running man”? I do the “running neck”!

[ the “Running Neck” consists of a sort of half-worm dance move done while sitting down. It’s not as impressive ]

Amir: Hey, sometimes it get so crowded, we gotta improvise.

[ back on the train, Amir makes another announcement on an even-more-packed train ]

Amir: Ladies and gentlemen! I am Amir, and I will be doing “spirit fingers”.

Kid Float: I’m Kid Float! And I’ll be doing the “funky periscope”.

Lil’ Peanut: [ peeking from behind a taller commuter in a suit ] And I’m Peanut! And I’ll be holding this flag up for your reference!

[ Lil’ Peanut raises a red flag, a few feet away from his two fellow subway dancers in the crowded train ]

Amir: Enjoy the show!

Kid Float & Lil’ Peanut: Enjoy the show!

[ Amir turns on the same song as before and their dance routine consists of constrained hand movements ]

Amir & Kid Float: Go Peanut! Go Peanut! Go Peanut!

Lil’ Peanut: Aaah!

[ another voiceover on a new train ]

Kid Float: I mean, like, you gotta claim your territory.

[ the subway dancers have encountered a mariachi band at the next subway stop ]

Lil’ Peanut: Yeah, absolutely. You know, the right choice in car can make a difference between a three dollar day and a four dollar day.

[ the dancers and the mariachi band make a dash into a less crowded car and the band start playing first ]

Kid Float: Oh snap, son! Oh snap!

Lil’ Peanut: This is our train! And now we’re hurt!

[ the mariachis play and we get another interview with Lil’ Peanut ]

Lil’ Peanut: Gotta be versatile. You know, we can dance anywhere.

[ the ding of an elevator shows the subway dancers have now taken their talents to a new location ]

Amir: Ladies and gentlemen! Get ready for the show of yo’ dreams!

Kid Float & Lil’ Peanut: The show of yo’ dreams!

[ as their usual music plays, the elevator door closes, then we cut to Kid Float & Amir by the chain link fence looking distressed ]

Kid Float: We had a little incident yesterday. We lost Lil’ Peanut.

Amir: Yo, one minute, he was there. And then…

[ a sort of flashback cut shows Lil’ Peanut getting pushed back by some taller, incoming train commuters, flag and all ]

Amir: I mean, the next minute he was gone. We’re hoping that his marking flag would have served its purpose

Kid Float: It did not.

[ on the crowded train, the two subway dancers make an announcement to the train passengers ]

Amir: If you see a little white dude, please pass him over your heads to our general vicinity! In the meantime, We’ll be dancing using only our faces! Enjoy the show!

Kid Float: Enjoy the show!

[ once again, Amir turns on the same song and they soldier on with their dance routine. Amir uses his expressive eyebrows and Kid Float does a mean fish impression, opening and closing his mouth ]

Kid Float: [ voiceover ] We looked for him for a couple of days, then we just had to replace him.

[ Kid Float and Amir are sitting on some subway steps. They’re joined by a new dance member ]

Kid Float: Luckily, little white dudes ain’t hard to find. No offense.

[ their new dance member doesn’t seem offended ]

Amir: Yeah, as they say on the Broadway of your life on a platform, the show must go on.

[ the new Matchbox 3 perform on a reasonably packed train and the new guy has some moves (though no one can replace Lil’ Peanut) ]

Amir: Now freeze!

[ the subway dancers freeze for a moment then continue dancing as the train rides on ]

[ the last shot is a black and white, still photo of the original members of Matchbox 3. Kid Float and Amir’s images fade away until only Lil’ Peanut’s image remains, along with this message: “Dedicated To Lil’ Peanut & Subway Dancers Everywhere” ]

[ fade ]

Submitted by: Sunnie S.

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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