SNL Transcripts: Josh Hutcherson: 11/23/13: Matchbox 3

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 39: Episode 7

13g: Josh Hutcherson / HAIM

Matchbox 3

Kid Float…..Kenan Thompson
Amir…..Jay Pharoah
Lil’ Peanut…..Josh Hutcherson

[ in a black and white, documentary style short video, rap music plays over shots of NYC and its subway system. “Matchbox 3” is graffiti’d on the side of the train door ]

[ by a chainlink fence, facing the Brooklyn Bridge, a street dancer gives an interview ]

Kid Float: Yo, being a subway performer ain’t easy, man. Especially in a city like New York.

[ three subway dancers walk into a train and then we cut to the second street dancer giving an interview ]

Amir: I mean, you’re competing with so many other performers. If you wanna survive, you gotta find an angle. Some’in.

[ cut to the third subway dancer in front of a park ]

Lil’ Peanut: Anybody can dance on any subway train. Only a few can dance when it’s crowded. It takes a special ability.

[ cut to the three subway dancers entering a fairly packed train ]

Amir: Ladies and gentlemen! We’re the Matchbox 3!

Lil’ Peanut: Three!

Kid Float: Three!

Amir: Get ready for the show of yo’ dreams!

Kid Float & Lil’ Peanut: The show of yo’ dreams!

Amir: As you can see, this train is very crowded. But do not worry. We have perfected the art of b-boy dancing within a three inch radius of our own bodies!

[ Amir leans down to turn on the radio. The subway dancers start grooving to it, keeping to their space ]

Kid Float: [ voiceover ] I mean, our philosophy is, more eyeballs means more dollars.

[ the three subway dancers are talking outside a park ]

Amir: Yeah, this is like, this all your business, you know?

Lil’ Peanut: Yeah, the more people on the car, is like a hundred… a hundred potential customers, you know?

Amir: Yeah.

[ they continue to dance but the train riders aren’t very interested. Cut back to Kid Float’s interview ]

Kid Float: You can’t stir the pot on the train! [ shows the dance move involving moving his whole arm out in circles; like stirring a pot ] That’s why I stir the espresso. [ shows said move by miming stirring a drink ]

[ Kid Float shows his stirring moves on a crowded train. Cut to Lil’ Peanut doing the running man, then doing an interview on a train platform ]

Lil’ Peanut: Y’all know the “running man”? I do the “running neck”!

[ the “Running Neck” consists of a sort of half-worm dance move done while sitting down. It’s not as impressive ]

Amir: Hey, sometimes it get so crowded, we gotta improvise.

[ back on the train, Amir makes another announcement on an even-more-packed train ]

Amir: Ladies and gentlemen! I am Amir, and I will be doing “spirit fingers”.

Kid Float: I’m Kid Float! And I’ll be doing the “funky periscope”.

Lil’ Peanut: [ peeking from behind a taller commuter in a suit ] And I’m Peanut! And I’ll be holding this flag up for your reference!

[ Lil’ Peanut raises a red flag, a few feet away from his two fellow subway dancers in the crowded train ]

Amir: Enjoy the show!

Kid Float & Lil’ Peanut: Enjoy the show!

[ Amir turns on the same song as before and their dance routine consists of constrained hand movements ]

Amir & Kid Float: Go Peanut! Go Peanut! Go Peanut!

Lil’ Peanut: Aaah!

[ another voiceover on a new train ]

Kid Float: I mean, like, you gotta claim your territory.

[ the subway dancers have encountered a mariachi band at the next subway stop ]

Lil’ Peanut: Yeah, absolutely. You know, the right choice in car can make a difference between a three dollar day and a four dollar day.

[ the dancers and the mariachi band make a dash into a less crowded car and the band start playing first ]

Kid Float: Oh snap, son! Oh snap!

Lil’ Peanut: This is our train! And now we’re hurt!

[ the mariachis play and we get another interview with Lil’ Peanut ]

Lil’ Peanut: Gotta be versatile. You know, we can dance anywhere.

[ the ding of an elevator shows the subway dancers have now taken their talents to a new location ]

Amir: Ladies and gentlemen! Get ready for the show of yo’ dreams!

Kid Float & Lil’ Peanut: The show of yo’ dreams!

[ as their usual music plays, the elevator door closes, then we cut to Kid Float & Amir by the chain link fence looking distressed ]

Kid Float: We had a little incident yesterday. We lost Lil’ Peanut.

Amir: Yo, one minute, he was there. And then…

[ a sort of flashback cut shows Lil’ Peanut getting pushed back by some taller, incoming train commuters, flag and all ]

Amir: I mean, the next minute he was gone. We’re hoping that his marking flag would have served its purpose

Kid Float: It did not.

[ on the crowded train, the two subway dancers make an announcement to the train passengers ]

Amir: If you see a little white dude, please pass him over your heads to our general vicinity! In the meantime, We’ll be dancing using only our faces! Enjoy the show!

Kid Float: Enjoy the show!

[ once again, Amir turns on the same song and they soldier on with their dance routine. Amir uses his expressive eyebrows and Kid Float does a mean fish impression, opening and closing his mouth ]

Kid Float: [ voiceover ] We looked for him for a couple of days, then we just had to replace him.

[ Kid Float and Amir are sitting on some subway steps. They’re joined by a new dance member ]

Kid Float: Luckily, little white dudes ain’t hard to find. No offense.

[ their new dance member doesn’t seem offended ]

Amir: Yeah, as they say on the Broadway of your life on a platform, the show must go on.

[ the new Matchbox 3 perform on a reasonably packed train and the new guy has some moves (though no one can replace Lil’ Peanut) ]

Amir: Now freeze!

[ the subway dancers freeze for a moment then continue dancing as the train rides on ]

[ the last shot is a black and white, still photo of the original members of Matchbox 3. Kid Float and Amir’s images fade away until only Lil’ Peanut’s image remains, along with this message: “Dedicated To Lil’ Peanut & Subway Dancers Everywhere” ]

[ fade ]

Submitted by: Sunnie S.

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