SNL Transcripts: Josh Hutcherson: 11/23/13: Thanksgiving Guest


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 39: Episode 7

13g: Josh Hutcherson / HAIM

Thanksgiving Guest

Mom…..Aidy Bryant
Dad…..Taran Killam
Brother…..Kyle Mooney
Todd…..Bobby Moynihan
Trey…..Josh Hutcherson
Elise…..Vanesa Bayer

[ fade in on a dining room set up for Thanksgiving dinner ]

Mom: Boys, come on, settle down. Trey’s gonna be home any minute from college and then we can eat. And we can meet his new girlfriend, Elise.

Dad: He’s being so secretive about her.

Mom: Well, that’s because you hate every girl he brings home!

Dad: That is not true.

Todd: Umm, it *is* true, dad.

[ the doorbell rings ]

Brother: That’s Trey! I’ll get! I’ll get it!

[ he rushes over to open the door ]

Trey: Hi guys, how are you!

Family: Hey!

[ Trey’s brother hugs him as he walks inside.]

Mom: So where’s Elise, we wanna meet her!

Trey: She’s right behind me. Come on in, baby.

[ he steps aside and waves in a large, smiling female turkey ]

Elise: Hi everyone! I’m Elise. Oh my gosh, thank you for having me! Wow. I love your house, it is so beautiful.

Mom: Oh. Thank you. You’re uh… I didn’t know you were a turkey.

Dad: A GUEST! In our home, dear. Right?

Mom: Yes, yes.

Trey: Come on, guys. Elise and I have been traveling all day. Let’s have some food.

Dad: Yes! Yes. Sit, sit. Everyone.

[ everyone sits down ]

Trey: She’s beautiful. Right?

Elise: You’re sweet.

[ she leans over and kisses him and he strokes her feathery stomach. They’re being overall coupley. Cut to a stunned looking Todd and brother ]

Brother: Is Trey,,, is Trey dating a turkey?

[ Todd nods curtly ]

Elise: Smells wonderful. What are we having?

Dad: Oh. Uh, to eat? Umm. Uh, yams! Some, some green beans.

Mom: Uh, some rolls. Some butter for the rolls. Uh, what else?

Brother: Glazed carrots!

Elise: And what’s under here?

[ she pulls off the silver cover from the platter in the center ]

Dad: Elise no!

Mom: No!

[ there’s a roast turkey under there and Elise is so shocked that she faints ]

Trey: Dad, what are you trying to do!?

Dad: It’s Thanksgiving! I didn’t know your girlfriend was a God danged turkey!

Trey: Someone help me pick her up. She weighs a ton!

Todd: I’ll tell you why she weighs a ton. ‘Cus she’s mostly breast meat. Hotsy totsy!

Mom: [ bangs fist on the table ] TODD, NO!

Elise: [ dazed ] Oh, what happened? Where am I?

Trey: Here, have some corn, okay? You’ll feel better.

[ Trey holds out some corn in his hand and Elise pecks at it ]

Trey: Feeling better? You scared me there for a second!

Elise: Yeah, you know, um… I’ve never had it cooked before. It’s good. You know, um, I’m fine. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make a scene. I’m a big girl and I know what this is.

Trey: We don’t have to stay. This is my fault.

Elise: No, no. I love you Trey. And… I’m here to meet your family. [ cut to Trey’s parents who smile ] This is a special day for them so let’s all of us sit down and… [Trey brushes the top of her feathery head ] And have some turkey.

Trey: You sure you wanna do this?

Elise: Yeah. I’m positive.

Trey: [ gestures to the turkey on the table ] This, this was your neighbor. It’s weird.

Elise: Yeah, well. I barely knew the guy so…

Trey: Okay. Okay.

[ Elise and Troy sit back down ]

Elise: This meal looks wonderful. And I can’t wait.

Dad: Well, thank you, Elise. It is wonderful and… I think you’re going to be pleasantly surprised.

Elise: I’m sure I will.

Dad: Well, let’s go! [ pulls out an electric saw ans starts slicing away ]

Trey: [ puts his hands on Elise ] You okay?

Elise: I’m fine.

Dad: Here goes the first leg! [ He grunts and pieces of turkey fly at Elise ]

Trey: You, you still okay?

Elise: [ tense ] Oh yes.

Dad: You, uh, Elise you want some stuffing, right? [ he jams a spoon into the turkey cavity ]

Elise: No! I can’t do this anymore! [ she gets up and looks at Trey ] I can’t! I love you but I can’t! Goodbye. Lose my number!

[ Elise runs off ]

Trey: Elise, please come back!

[ cut to outside as we hear Trey’s voiceover ]

Trey: Thanks a lot dad!

Dad: Well…

[ the shot outside shows a real turkey coming out of a house door ] [ fade ]

Submitted by: Sunnie S.

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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