Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 39: Episode 8
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Air Date:Host:Musical Guest:Special Guests:Cameos:Bit Players:
December 7th 2013
Paul Rudd
One Direction
None
Kristen Wiig
Fred Armisen
Will Ferrell
David Koechner
Steve Carell
None
The Sound of Music: Live & Condensed
Summary: The truncated live version of “The Sound of Music” runs ridiculously long with the unnecessary addition of Dooneese (Kristen Wiig) and Lawrence Welk (Fred Armisen).
Recurring Characters: Dooneese, Lawrence Welk.
Montage
Paul Rudd’s Monologue
Summary: Paul Rudd initiates a Battle of the Boy Bands by pitting himself, Will Ferrell, David Koechner and Steve Carell against One Direction.
Transcript
Politics Nation
Summary: Al Sharpton (Kenan Thompson) discusses the healthcare.gov website with unpaid Huffington Post contributor Peter Douchet (Paul Rudd).
Recurring Characters: Al Sharpton.
One Direction’s #1 Fan
Summary: Grown man Dan Charles (Paul Rudd) is One Direction’s #1 fan.
Divorce
Summary: Mr. and Mrs. Keller (Paul Rudd, Vanessa Bayer) want a divorce, yet are still mutually attracted to Fleetwood Mac’s “I Don’t Want to Know.”
One Direction performs “Story of My Life”
Weekend Update with Seth Meyers & Cecily Strong
Summary:
Michelangelo’s David
Summary: The male model (Paul Rudd) who posed for Michelangelo’s (Taran Killam) David is embarrassed by his tiny sculpted penis.
Transcript
White Christmas
Summary: Paul Rudd stars in multiple roles in a black holiday movie geared for white audiences.
Santa’s Workshop
Summary: Santa Claus (Paul Rudd) is a changed man after experiencing rapid weight loss just before Christmas.
Past Lovers
Summary:
One Direction performs “Through the Dark”
Bill Brasky
Summary: Copier salesman (Will Ferell, David Koechner, Taran Killam, Paul Rudd) wax nostalgic about Bill Brasky while drinking at a Chuck E. Cheese’s.
Transcript
Goodnights
Transcript
Dress Rehearsal Cuts
