SNL Transcripts: Jimmy Fallon: 12/21/13: (Do It On My) Twin Bed


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 39: Episode 10

13j: Jimmy Fallon / Justin Timberlake

(Do It On My) Twin Bed

…..Aidy Bryant
…..Kate McKinnon
…..Cecily Strong
…..Noël Wells
…..Vanessa Bayer
…..Nasim Pedrad
Kate’s Boyfriend…..Jimmy Fallon
Cecily’s Boyfriend…..Mike O’Brien
Aidy’s Boyfriend…..Taran Killam
Noël’s Boyfriend…..Brooks Wheelan
Uncle Ted…..Beck Bennett

[ open on nighttimw exterior of house decorated with Christmas lights ]

[ dissolve to interior, where older couples mingle ]

[ reveal the girls of “SNL” standing at the center ]

Aidy Bryant: Hey, it’s your girls!

Kate McKinnon: Kate!

Cecily Strong: Cecily!

Noël Wells: Noël!

Vanessa Bayer: Vanessa!

Nasim Pedrad: Nasim!

Aidy Bryant: And your lil’ Baby Aidy!

Kate McKinnon: We’re home for the holidays.

Noël Wells: And this year…

[ reveal boyfriends ]

Kate McKinnon: We brought our boyfriends home with us.

Vanessa Bayer: But just because we’re back in our Mom and Dad’s house…

Nasim Pedrad: Doesn’t mean we can’t still get a little nasty.

[ they all laugh mischieviously ]

Kate McKinnon: [ singing ] “Back in town visiting my Mom and Dad
But that don’t mean I don’t wanna be bad.
Say what’s up to my cousins.”

Cousins: Hi!

Kate McKinnon: [ singing ] “Say what’s up to my neighbors.”

Neighbors: Hey!

Kate McKinnon: [ singing ] “Then take my man to my childhood bedroom.”

[ Kate’s Boyfriend is dumbstruck by vintage posters of Jonathan Taylor-Thomas, Mark-Paul Gosselaar and Mario Lopez ]

Nasim Pedrad: [ singing ] “This is my old christening dress
And here’s my stack of X-Files on VHS.”

Vanessa Bayer: “Now we’re gonna freak.”

Girls: Freak!

Vanessa Bayer: [ singing ] “In my monkey sheets
That I’ve had since I was a kid.

Girls: [ singing ] “Let’s do it on my twin bed (twin bed)
Not gonna like it (like it)
But it’s the only option (option)
Where we can get it poppin’ (poppin’)
Let’s do it on my twin bed (twin bed)
Pop and fall off it (off it)
But let’s get wild (wild)
In a bed for a child. (child)”

[ Cecily and her Boyfriend lie in her twin bed ]

Cecily Strong: [ singing ] “If you want an old cat to watch you bone
You’re gonna want to get down in my parents’ homeV It’ll make you spotty.”

Girls: Spotty!

Cecily Strong: “While you lick my body.”

Girls: Body!

Cecily Strong: “Then he’ll throw up on your bags!”

[ Aidy leads her Boyfriend into her room ]

Aidy Bryant: [ singing ] “Come on, sexy boy, gotta do this quick
While my folks are at the pharmacy; my mom is sick
She’s had a cough.”

Girls: Cough!

Aidy Bryant: “She got it from Jean.”

Girls: Jean!

Aidy Bryant: “And now it’s a whole thing with Jean.”
[ cut to Noël Wells lying in her twin bed with her Boyfriend ]

Noël Wells: [ singing ] “I’m glad you got to meet my Uncle Ted
Now keep it down ’cause he’s asleep on my trundle bed.”

Uncle Ted: Hey don’t mind me!

Girls: Me!

Uncle Ted: We’re family!

Girls: Leeee!

Uncle Ted: Did ya hear Aunt Ruth is dead?

Girls: Sad!

“Let’s do it on my twin bed (twin bed)!
Even though Aunt Ruth’s dead {Ruth’s dead)!
Wish we had more room (more room)!
But Grandma got the guest room (guest room)!
But we’ll still get nasty (nasty)!
Up against my trophies (trophies)!
You’re a certified hottie (hottie)! Like JTT.”

Poster: Aw, thanks!

Kate’s Boyfriend: [ rapping ] “Girl, you know I love you, but let’s be clear
I’m having lots of trouble gettin’ horny here
I wanna get down and do my thing
But your childhood bed has antique springs
And I guess your mom don’t know how to knock
Keep my foot on the door ’cause it doesn’t lock
I can’t fully undress in case your parents come through
Just shirt, no pants, like Winnie the Pooh
And why am I even tryin’ to get laid
Near a photo of you from seventh grade!”

Aidy Bryant: Let’s take it back now, Y’ALL!

[ reveal each girl dancing in front of a photo of their 7th grade selves ]

[ Kate’s Boyfriend is embarrassed by his 7th grade photo ]

Girls: [ singing ] “So let’s do it on my twin bed (twin bed)!
Not gonna like it (like it)!
But you can’t be picky (picky)!
When you’re staying with your family! (family)!”

Kate’s Boyfriend: I’ve been sexing in a tiny twin bed, y’all!

Kate McKinnon: Happy holidays!

Aidy Bryant: We out!

[ cut to black ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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