Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 39: Episode 11
I Know
Kyle…..Kyle Mooney
Friend…..Beck Bennett
[ open on Kyle standing with his friend at a vending machine ]
Friend: Peanuts are the fastest growinmg allergens in the United States.
Kyle: I know. I already knew that. [ he grabs some of his friend’s snack nuts ]
[ cut to Kyle standing with his friend in a laundry room ]
Friend: I’m just kind of bummed that Cindy and I broke up yesterday…
Kyle: Yeah, I know.
Friend: How’d you know? We haven’t told anybody.
Kyle: ‘Cause I just started hanging out with her all the time…
Friend: What?!
[ cut to Kyle and his friend on an elevator ]
Friend: I forgot to tell you I’m going to Montana —
Kyle: Montana next week —
Friend: Next week with my —
Kyle: With my family. Yeah, I know. Me, too.
[ cut to Kyle and his friend standing at a urinal ]
Friend: Mine’s just a little bit bigger than yours.
Kyle: Yeah, I know. ‘Cause I just actually like mine a little smaller.
[ cut to Kyle and his friend walking down the hall ]
Friend: You know, there’s a fire happening right now.
Kyle: Yeah, I know. I started it.
[ rapid cuts ]
Kyle: I know.
Kyle: I know!
Kyle: I know.
Kyle: I know.
Kyle: I knowwwwww!!
[ cut to Kyle and his friend walking down another hall ]
Friend: Be careful — The floor’s wet.
Kyle: I know!
[ Kyle slips and lands on his head, as his friend screams ]
Friend: Noooooo!! Oh, my God! Kyle!
[ suddenly, Kyle’s spirit floats out of his body ]
Friend: Great. Now you’re a ghost.
Kyle: I know.
Friend: You don’t exist!
Kyle: I knowwwww!!
Friend: Stop saying “I know”! Okay? I don’t expect you to know everything. You shouldn’t know everything. This just doesn’t make any sense, the way you were responding to me. Why are you doing that?
Kyle: I guess I… wanted to prove to you… that… I knew lots of stuff… because if I know lots of stuff, you’d think I’m… smart. And then you’d want to hang out with me more and be my friend…
Friend: You’re my friend already. You don’t have to do anything different.
Kyle: I guess I “know” that now.
Friend: You know what? Here’s an idea: What do you say you stop being a know-it-all and get back in that cute body of yours?
Kyle: I’d say that sounds like a lot more fun than being this ghost!
Friend: Then, what are you waiting for? Get back IN that sucker!
[ Kyle’s spirit returns to his body, as he rises to his feet ]
Kyle: Whoa-oa!
Friend: There you are, buddy! Dude, you just proved you can travel through different existences!
Kyle: I know. ‘Cause spirits are never lost, they just re-enter through the barriers…
[ they walk off ]
[ fade ]
