SNL Transcripts: Jonah Hill: 01/25/14


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 39: Episode 12

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Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:


Bit Players:

January 25th 2014

Jonah Hill



Leonardo DiCaprio

Michael Cera


Road to SachiSummary: Scott Hamilton (Taran Killam) and Tara Lipinski (Cecily Strong) The U.S. Men’s Heterosexual Figure Skating Championships.

Recurring Characters: Piers Morgan, Chris Christie, Justin Bieber.


Jonah Hill’s MonologueSummary: After acting like a Hollywood bigshot, Jonah Hill is brought back down to Earth by a stern Leonardo DiCaprio.


Six Year OldSummary: Six-year old Adam Grossman (Jonah Hill) embarrasses his new stepmom (Vanessa Bayer) by obnoxiously performing more Borscht Belt humor in front of the hibachi crowd at Benihana’s.

Recurring Characters: Adam Grossman, Debbie Wasserstein.

The HitSummary: Thugs (Jay Pharoah, Kenan Thompson, Taran Killam) are sidetracked from performing a hit by the snow.


Couples QuizSummary: Game play is sidelined by thew host’s (Kenan Thompson) quest to reveal which contestant clogged a backstage toilet.

Bastille performs “Pompeii”

Weekend Update with Seth Meyers & Cecily StrongSummary: Officer Frank Medina (Kenan Thompson) recounts his experience arresting Justin Bieber for illegal dragracing. Russian woman Olya Povlatsky (Kate McKinnon) gives her takes on holding the Winter Olympics in her country.

Sweetland RanchSummary: While visiting the stables, Danielle (Nasim Pedrad) is horrified to find the stablehands (Cecily Strong, Jonah Hill) being kicked and punch by one of the horses.

MeSummary: In a trailer for a new Spike Jonez film, a nerdy man (Jonah Hill) becomes involved in a gay relationship with his doppleganger Operating System.

Boss DinnerSummary: After making numerous faux pas at the boss’s (Beck Bennett) dinner party, Jeffrey (Jonah Hill) yells audibly at himself in the adjacent bathroom.

Inside SoCalSummary: Without permission, skater-slackers Todd (Kyle Mooney) and Casey (Beck Bennett) host their talk show at Keith’s (Jonah Hill) dad’s (Bobby Moynihan).

Bastille performs “Oblivion”

LamborghiniSummary: Vacuous ex-porn stars Brookie (Vanessa Bayer) and her friend (Cecily Strong) submit a commercial for free Lamborghinis, with the help of former porn director Martin Porn-Cese (Jonah Hill).

Recurring Characters: Brookie, Friend.



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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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