SNL Transcripts: Melissa McCarthy: 02/01/14


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 39: Episode 13

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Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:


Bit Players:

February 1st 2014

Melissa McCarthy

Imagine Dragons


Kendrick Lamar

Amy Poehler

Bill Hader

Andy Samberg

Fred Armisen


Halftime SpectacularSummary: The last-minute cancellation of Bruno Mars and ?? results in a lame Broadway-style replacement Halftime musical performance.

Recurring Characters: Michael Strahan.


Melissa McCarthy’s MonologueSummary: Harboring a grudge from her last hosting, Bobby Moynihan sparks a mid-air ninja fight with Melissa McCarthy.


CVSSummary: A promotional advertisement for the last-minute cheapskate Valentine’s gifts available at your neighborhood CVS.

Delaware 1 News Special ReportSummary: News anchor David LaPierre (Taran Killam) reviews footage of an all-night rampage by Congresswoman Sheila Kelly (Melissa McCarthy).

Recurring Characters: Sheila Kelly.


Women’s GroupSummary: Members of a women’s group strive to achieve inner peace, which P.J. (Melissa McCarthy) seeks to do by avenging the death of her father by cartel drug lords.


Guess That Phrase!Summary: Crazy Kathleen (Melissa McCarthy) believes “Pass The Mash” to be the answer to all of the hidden game phrases.

28 ReasonsSummary: Via rap performance, Kevin (Jay Pharoah), Tyrese (Kenan Thompson), and Michelle (Sasheer Zamata) remind their fellow white students that slavery is the reason to keep Black History Month in their thoughts.

Imagine Dragons with Kendrick Lamar perform “Radioactive”Lyrics

Weekend Update with Seth Meyers & Cecily StrongSummary: Atlanta native Buford Calloway (Taran Killam) relates the terror of having survived Winter Storm Leon. On his final broadcast, Amy Poehler and Stefon (Bill Hader) are ready to help bring Seth Meyers to the other side of “SNL”. Former governor David Paterson (Fred Armisen) wanders past the news desk.

Recurring Characters: Stefon, David Paterson.


Art ExhibitSummary: Onboxious museum employee (Melissa McCarthy) interrupts a living art exhibit in order to rectify a wi-fi connectivity issue.

Girlfriends Talk ShowSummary: Morgan (Aidy Bryant) is excited to have her adult friend Donna Ruth Baker (Melissa McCarthy) on the show, but Kyra (Cecily Strong) has transformed her into a hipper chick.

Recurring Characters: Kyra, Morgan.

Imagine Dragons perform “Demons”

Summer of DianeSummary: Bobby (Bobby Moynihan) lovingly recalls a chance encounter in the park with Diane (Melissa McCarthy), a slovenly woman who never even noticed him.

Super Champions with KyleSummary: Kyle Mooney nervously interviews people who are in town for the Super Bowl.


Dress Rehearsal Cuts

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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