SNL Transcripts: Jim Parsons: 03/01/14

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 39: Episode 14

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Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:


Bit Players:

March 1st, 2014

Jim Parsons





EllenSummary: Ellen Degeneres (Kate McKInnon) dances, pranks (Jay Pharoah), and welcomes Johnny Weir (Jim Parsons) to the show.

Recurring Characters: Ellen Degeneres.


Jim Parsons’ MonologueSummary: With help from Jaleel White (Jay Pharoah), Jason Alexander (Bobby Moynihan), Henry Winkler (Taran Killam), Bill Cosby (Kenan Thompson) and Angela Lansbury (Kate McKinnon), Jim Parsons deflects typecasting by singing “I’m Not That Guy!”

Recurring Characters: Bill Cosby.

Peter PanSummary: Peter Pan (Jim Parsons) arrives at the Darling House for a return trip to Never Neverland, with a little help from Tinkerbell’s sassy half-sister Tonkerbell (Aidy Bryant).

The Bird BibleSummary: Illustrations of birds in religious scenery helps make the Bible more kid-friendly.

The Killer FilesSummary: A profile of Marc Allen Henry (Jim Parsons), thw Dance Floor Killer murderer who struck various televised dance floor sets throughout the 1990’s.

“12 Years a Slave” AuditionsSummary:

Beck performs “Blue Moon”

Weekend Update with Cecily Strong & Colin JostSummary: Charles Barkley (Kenan Thompson) and Shaquille O’Neal (Jay Pharoah) comment about the first openly-gay NBA player. 1860’s critic Jebidiah Atkinson (Taran Killam) has harsh reviews of this year’s Best Picture nominees.

Recurring Characters: Charles Barkley, Shaquille O’Neal, Jebidiah Atkinson.


Murder MysterySummary: ?? (Jim Parsons) can’t get into the spirit of a murder mystery because he doesn’t understand his character’s motivation.

Spotlightz!Summary: Laura Parsons (Vanessa Bayer) and other serious child actors perform scenes from this year’s Best Picture nominees.

Recurring Characters: Laura Parsons.

Beck performs “Wave”

ElevatorSummary: Mr. Conrad (Jim Parsons) is embarrassed when he has to hide the smell of his soiled underwear while taking a long elevator ride with various unexpected employees.


CowboysSummary: Group of cowboys debate about how best to celebrate Dwayne’s (Beck Bennett) birthday.



Dress Rehearsal Cuts

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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