Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 39: Episode 15
13o: Lena Dunham / The National
[ SUPER: “monday” ]
Beck: Hey, Ryan.
Kyle: Hey, buddy!
Ryan: Yeah! What’s up, dudes?
Kyle: Did you guys hear that Will Smith is doing like sort of a solo concert tour… thing… this weekend at Radio City…?
Beck: Are you serious?
Beck: We should go!
Ryan: Whoa, yeah, that sounds awesome! Let’s do it!
Kyle: Totally! Why don’t I send an e-mail to the groups — like general info, where it’s at, who’s performing, you know, transportation, we’ll kind of deal with that —
Beck: It sounds like you’re talking about the details: Time, venue…
Beck: All the ticket info, that sort of thing.
Kyle: Well, no, let’s do the ticket info on a separate e-mail.
Beck: I’ll send sort of a just ticket info e-mail, all the ticket information. Unless… Ryan, did you want to send that ticket e-mail?
Ryan: No. I trust you guys to figure it out, man. Actually, if it’s cool, you don’t even have to put me on those e-mails.
Kyle: Okay, so why don’t you do the ticket e-mail, and I’ll do the pre-lim e-mail.
Beck: Great. And then we will see Will Smith.
Kyle: I’m excited!
Beck: I am, too!
Kyle: Ryan, you do man!
Beck: You da man, dude!
Ryan: DON’T e-mail me! That’s fine, though![ cut to: SUPER: “tuesday” ]
Kyle: Hey, man! I just want to check in with you. I didn’t get a response on that initial e-mail I sent out.
Ryan: Remember yesterday, I said I didn’t really want to participate in those e-mails?
Kyle: Okay, could you just…? Because he can’t send out the ticket e-mail until everybody replies to that pre-lim e-mail.
Beck: Are you sad? Did you get sad? Because we haven’t heard from you.
Ryan: No, I’m fine! I just thought you guys could handle this. Don’t need to be in those e-mails, I don’t think.
Kyle: So why don’t I send you a cancellation e-mail saying, “Hey! No more e-mails!”
Beck: Yeah, you’ll get that pretty soon in your Inbox. Will Smith! Can you believe that?[ cut to: SUPER: “wednesday” ]
Beck: Heyyyy, Ryan. Just wanted to do a quick little recap of what we’re gonna wear to the concert. We’re thinking no colors, because of gangs and that sort of thing. Unless we wanted to be in a gang…?
Kyle: Do you want to be in a gang?
Ryan: DON’T want to be in a gang!
Kyle: Great! Okay, and no logos on the clothes, probably…?
Ryan: No logos? Why?
Kyle: We just want to be wearing stuff that’s clear, copyright-wise. You know, maybe somebody wants to take a picture, or maybe somebody’s doing a TV special on, you know, guys going to a concert.
Ryan: I have SO much work to do, you guys have GOT To stop approaching me about this stuff. I DON’T care how you do it!
Beck: Loud and clear.
Kyle: Let’s just say no logos, no colors on the clothes, I’m thinking…
Beck: And I won’t book any flights, because the show’s right in town, and I’ll put that in an e-mail to you ASAP.[ cut to: SUPER: “thursday” ]
Beck: Okay, so are we gonna drink or do drugs or anything? Because sometimes we like to do man stuff before concerts…
Kyle: I just took a GB-2 pill, sort of feeling some effects right now as I talk to you…
Ryan: You’re on DRUGS, right now?!
Kyle: Yeah. This is a synthetically-produced strand developed by the same guy who did MBMA-4 — NO side effects.
Beck: Huh! So you’re just sort of testing it out to see if it’s a drug we might want to do at the concert!
Kyle: Exactly! I’m sort of looking at Ryan right now, he doesn’t look like himself… he’s kind of more like a bird/fish, I’d say, type guy.[ cut to Ryan with a fish head and bird wings ]
Beck: Okay, and I’ll make sure we get guns and other weapons, so that we can defend ourselves at the concert.
Kyle: Great! I’m excited for Will Smith![ cut to: SUPER: “friday” ]
Beck: What’s going on?
Kyle: Okay, so you decided to wear colors and a logo.
Ryan: Yeah. Who cares?
Beck: I thought we talked about that, but… okay. Let’s just go inside and try to enjoy the concert.
Ryan: There’s nobody out here! Where’s everybody at?
Beck: Oh, no… Will Smith doesn’t do CONCERTS any more!
Kyle: Yeah, he only does movies, I think…?
Beck: Yeah, he does sort of less music and more movies now.
Kyle: I know what happened. I saw this picture of Will Smith, and I said, “Oh, he must be doing a concert!” [ ]
Ryan: That’s not Will Smith! It says “Guitar Lessons”! It’s a WHITE man!
Beck: Oh. So you want to do guitar lessons now…?
Kyle: I’ll put out an e-mail, and be like, “Hey, who wants to do guitar lessons?”
Ryan: I hate you guys!
Beck: Oh, yeah — We don’t like you very much, either.
Kyle: ou know what? Why don’t I drop that in an e-mail, and just be, “Hey, we really don’t like you!”
Beck: Perfect! And that’ll sort of come through on the Internet.[ fade ]