SNL Transcripts: Lena Dunham: 03/08/14: Concert


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 39: Episode 15

13o: Lena Dunham / The National


Beck…..Beck Bennett
Kyle…..Kyle Mooney
Ryan…..Brooks Wheelan

[ SUPER: “monday” ]

Beck: Hey, Ryan.

Kyle: Hey, buddy!

Ryan: Yeah! What’s up, dudes?

Kyle: Did you guys hear that Will Smith is doing like sort of a solo concert tour… thing… this weekend at Radio City…?

Beck: Are you serious?

Kyle: Yeah.

Beck: We should go!

Ryan: Whoa, yeah, that sounds awesome! Let’s do it!

Kyle: Totally! Why don’t I send an e-mail to the groups — like general info, where it’s at, who’s performing, you know, transportation, we’ll kind of deal with that —

Beck: It sounds like you’re talking about the details: Time, venue…

Kyle: Exactly.

Beck: All the ticket info, that sort of thing.

Kyle: Well, no, let’s do the ticket info on a separate e-mail.

Beck: I’ll send sort of a just ticket info e-mail, all the ticket information. Unless… Ryan, did you want to send that ticket e-mail?

Ryan: No. I trust you guys to figure it out, man. Actually, if it’s cool, you don’t even have to put me on those e-mails.

Kyle: Okay, so why don’t you do the ticket e-mail, and I’ll do the pre-lim e-mail.

Beck: Great. And then we will see Will Smith.

Kyle: I’m excited!

Beck: I am, too!

Kyle: Ryan, you do man!

Beck: You da man, dude!

Ryan: DON’T e-mail me! That’s fine, though!

[ cut to: SUPER: “tuesday” ]

Kyle: Hey, man! I just want to check in with you. I didn’t get a response on that initial e-mail I sent out.

Ryan: Remember yesterday, I said I didn’t really want to participate in those e-mails?

Kyle: Okay, could you just…? Because he can’t send out the ticket e-mail until everybody replies to that pre-lim e-mail.

Beck: Are you sad? Did you get sad? Because we haven’t heard from you.

Ryan: No, I’m fine! I just thought you guys could handle this. Don’t need to be in those e-mails, I don’t think.

Kyle: So why don’t I send you a cancellation e-mail saying, “Hey! No more e-mails!”

Beck: Yeah, you’ll get that pretty soon in your Inbox. Will Smith! Can you believe that?

[ cut to: SUPER: “wednesday” ]

Beck: Heyyyy, Ryan. Just wanted to do a quick little recap of what we’re gonna wear to the concert. We’re thinking no colors, because of gangs and that sort of thing. Unless we wanted to be in a gang…?

Kyle: Do you want to be in a gang?

Ryan: DON’T want to be in a gang!

Beck: Sure.

Kyle: Great! Okay, and no logos on the clothes, probably…?

Ryan: No logos? Why?

Kyle: We just want to be wearing stuff that’s clear, copyright-wise. You know, maybe somebody wants to take a picture, or maybe somebody’s doing a TV special on, you know, guys going to a concert.

Ryan: I have SO much work to do, you guys have GOT To stop approaching me about this stuff. I DON’T care how you do it!

Beck: Loud and clear.

Kyle: Let’s just say no logos, no colors on the clothes, I’m thinking…

Beck: And I won’t book any flights, because the show’s right in town, and I’ll put that in an e-mail to you ASAP.

[ cut to: SUPER: “thursday” ]

Beck: Okay, so are we gonna drink or do drugs or anything? Because sometimes we like to do man stuff before concerts…

Kyle: I just took a GB-2 pill, sort of feeling some effects right now as I talk to you…

Ryan: You’re on DRUGS, right now?!

Kyle: Yeah. This is a synthetically-produced strand developed by the same guy who did MBMA-4 — NO side effects.

Beck: Huh! So you’re just sort of testing it out to see if it’s a drug we might want to do at the concert!

Kyle: Exactly! I’m sort of looking at Ryan right now, he doesn’t look like himself… he’s kind of more like a bird/fish, I’d say, type guy.

[ cut to Ryan with a fish head and bird wings ]

Beck: Okay, and I’ll make sure we get guns and other weapons, so that we can defend ourselves at the concert.

Kyle: Great! I’m excited for Will Smith!

[ cut to: SUPER: “friday” ]

Beck: What’s going on?

Kyle: Okay, so you decided to wear colors and a logo.

Ryan: Yeah. Who cares?

Beck: I thought we talked about that, but… okay. Let’s just go inside and try to enjoy the concert.

Ryan: There’s nobody out here! Where’s everybody at?

Beck: Oh, no… Will Smith doesn’t do CONCERTS any more!

Kyle: Yeah, he only does movies, I think…?

Beck: Yeah, he does sort of less music and more movies now.

Kyle: I know what happened. I saw this picture of Will Smith, and I said, “Oh, he must be doing a concert!” [ ]

Ryan: That’s not Will Smith! It says “Guitar Lessons”! It’s a WHITE man!

Beck: Oh. So you want to do guitar lessons now…?

Kyle: I’ll put out an e-mail, and be like, “Hey, who wants to do guitar lessons?”

Ryan: I hate you guys!

Beck: Oh, yeah — We don’t like you very much, either.

Kyle: ou know what? Why don’t I drop that in an e-mail, and just be, “Hey, we really don’t like you!”

Beck: Perfect! And that’ll sort of come through on the Internet.

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

How useful was this post?

Click on a star to rate it!

Average rating 4 / 5. Vote count: 1

No votes so far! Be the first to rate this post.

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

Notify of
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x