SNL Transcripts: Anna Kendrick: 04/05/14: Flirty


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 39: Episode 17

13q: Anna Kendrick / Pharrell Williams


Evan…..Kyle Mooney
Sara…..Vanessa Bayer
Guy…..Beck Bennett

[ open on Sara walking with groceries down apartment hallway ] [ Evan steps out of his apartment ]

Evan: Oh… hey! Sara!

Sara: Heyyyy!

Evan: Nice to see you!

Sara: It’s so great to see you, too!

Evan: You look, um… AMAZING! As always!

Sara: Thank you!

Evan: I mean, I’m sorry… maybe I’m being too

Sara: No, no, no! You look like maybe you’re going to the gym

Evan: Oh… yeah! I gotta go… work out…

Sara: That’s not a surprise! It totally looks like you… work out! [ he laughs ] And you’ve got a great personality!

Evan: Oh, yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah — Look who I’m talking to, huh! Miss Perfect. [ they laugh ] This might sound weird… uh… Would you ever want to maybe, like… I don’t know… get… you know… [ awkward pause ] more groceries…? Uh, uh… for you…

Sara: Uh… yeah…!

Evan: …’cause maybe you want to… go get some more…?

Sara: Oh…

Evan: …in case you run out…?

Sara: Yeah! O-of course! Um… you know what they say, um… “More food… more, uh… attitude.”

Evan: Yeah! I think I read that… on a… bumper… sticker… or something?

Sara: Okay.

Evan: I should go!

Sara: Uh… yeah. Of course.

Evan: See you, Sara.

Sara: Yeah. Yeah.

[ Evan shirks away, as Sara regrets the missed opportunity ] [ dissolve to Evan washing his clothes at the laundromat, as Sara enters ]

Sara: Oh.

Evan: Oh… hey. Sara!

Sara: Hey!

Evan: [ holding his dirty underwear ] Oh. No! My… I got poop on my underwear!

Sara: Oh…

Evan: No, no, no! I’m not gonna lie to you!

Sara: [ laughing ] I feel like I always have… poop… on my underwear!

Evan: No!

Sara: Unavoidable!

Evan: Two… poos in a pod! [ they laugh ] Listen, Sara, uh… gosh, this is dumb! Uhhh… I… I just wanted you to know that… I really, really, really… REALLY… like… you… uuuuuth soccer…?

Sara: Oh! Oh… uh… me, too! Um… good for the kids, you know, to, uh…

Evan: Yeah!

Sara: …be out in the fresh air.

Evan: Yeah! Getting exercise, and, uh…

[ Sara leans in, as though closing in for a kiss, and then: ]

Sara: Sorry, uh… just have to get to this machine.

Evan: Yeah! I needed to, uh…

Sara: Yeah.

Evan: You know what? I think I left, uh… my… walllll… phone. My wall and my cell phone! I sound like an idiot!

Sara: And I… should go do laundry!

Evan: Yeah!

Sara: So… um…

Evan: I’ll see ya’!

[ dissolve to next day, as Sara walks down the hall ]

Evan: Sara! Wait! [ she turns ] Hey. I-I-I just gotta say this: Do you wanna go…?

[ suddenly, another Guy enters the hall ]

Guy: Hey, Sara! Do you wanna have sex with me right now?

Sara: Sure!

Guy: Awesome! I guess I’ll just go get set up and… give myself a boner.

Sara: Okay! Great! [ he exits ] Um… Evan? What were you… gonna ask me?

Evan: [ he shrugs ] Do you want to go on a date with me?

Sara: I… would LOVE to! Um… and, and… I don’t know, would you want to go on that date, um… tonight?

Evan: YES!! I mean… Yes. That would be awesome.

[ the guy reappears in the hallway ]

Guy: I’m ready NOW!!

Sara: Okay.

Guy: Come on! [ he exits into his apartment ]

Sara: Okay, well, uh… I’m just gonna go fuck this guy, and then… we’ll go on our date!

[ she follows into the other guy’s apartment ]

Evan: See ya’! [ to himself ] Yes! She’s going on a date… with me!

[ he jumps into the air ] [ freeze-frame ] [ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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