SNL Transcripts: Anna Kendrick: 04/05/14: Flirty

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 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 39: Episode 17














13q: Anna Kendrick / Pharrell Williams

Flirty

Evan…..Kyle Mooney
Sara…..Vanessa Bayer
Guy…..Beck Bennett

[ open on Sara walking with groceries down apartment hallway ] [ Evan steps out of his apartment ]

Evan: Oh… hey! Sara!

Sara: Heyyyy!

Evan: Nice to see you!

Sara: It’s so great to see you, too!

Evan: You look, um… AMAZING! As always!

Sara: Thank you!

Evan: I mean, I’m sorry… maybe I’m being too

Sara: No, no, no! You look like maybe you’re going to the gym

Evan: Oh… yeah! I gotta go… work out…

Sara: That’s not a surprise! It totally looks like you… work out! [ he laughs ] And you’ve got a great personality!

Evan: Oh, yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah — Look who I’m talking to, huh! Miss Perfect. [ they laugh ] This might sound weird… uh… Would you ever want to maybe, like… I don’t know… get… you know… [ awkward pause ] more groceries…? Uh, uh… for you…

Sara: Uh… yeah…!

Evan: …’cause maybe you want to… go get some more…?

Sara: Oh…

Evan: …in case you run out…?

Sara: Yeah! O-of course! Um… you know what they say, um… “More food… more, uh… attitude.”

Evan: Yeah! I think I read that… on a… bumper… sticker… or something?

Sara: Okay.

Evan: I should go!

Sara: Uh… yeah. Of course.

Evan: See you, Sara.

Sara: Yeah. Yeah.

[ Evan shirks away, as Sara regrets the missed opportunity ] [ dissolve to Evan washing his clothes at the laundromat, as Sara enters ]

Sara: Oh.

Evan: Oh… hey. Sara!

Sara: Hey!

Evan: [ holding his dirty underwear ] Oh. No! My… I got poop on my underwear!

Sara: Oh…

Evan: No, no, no! I’m not gonna lie to you!

Sara: [ laughing ] I feel like I always have… poop… on my underwear!

Evan: No!

Sara: Unavoidable!

Evan: Two… poos in a pod! [ they laugh ] Listen, Sara, uh… gosh, this is dumb! Uhhh… I… I just wanted you to know that… I really, really, really… REALLY… like… you… uuuuuth soccer…?

Sara: Oh! Oh… uh… me, too! Um… good for the kids, you know, to, uh…

Evan: Yeah!

Sara: …be out in the fresh air.

Evan: Yeah! Getting exercise, and, uh…

[ Sara leans in, as though closing in for a kiss, and then: ]

Sara: Sorry, uh… just have to get to this machine.

Evan: Yeah! I needed to, uh…

Sara: Yeah.

Evan: You know what? I think I left, uh… my… walllll… phone. My wall and my cell phone! I sound like an idiot!

Sara: And I… should go do laundry!

Evan: Yeah!

Sara: So… um…

Evan: I’ll see ya’!

[ dissolve to next day, as Sara walks down the hall ]

Evan: Sara! Wait! [ she turns ] Hey. I-I-I just gotta say this: Do you wanna go…?

[ suddenly, another Guy enters the hall ]

Guy: Hey, Sara! Do you wanna have sex with me right now?

Sara: Sure!

Guy: Awesome! I guess I’ll just go get set up and… give myself a boner.

Sara: Okay! Great! [ he exits ] Um… Evan? What were you… gonna ask me?

Evan: [ he shrugs ] Do you want to go on a date with me?

Sara: I… would LOVE to! Um… and, and… I don’t know, would you want to go on that date, um… tonight?

Evan: YES!! I mean… Yes. That would be awesome.

[ the guy reappears in the hallway ]

Guy: I’m ready NOW!!

Sara: Okay.

Guy: Come on! [ he exits into his apartment ]

Sara: Okay, well, uh… I’m just gonna go fuck this guy, and then… we’ll go on our date!

[ she follows into the other guy’s apartment ]

Evan: See ya’! [ to himself ] Yes! She’s going on a date… with me!

[ he jumps into the air ] [ freeze-frame ] [ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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