SNL Transcripts: Andrew Garfield: 05/03/14

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 39: Episode 19

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Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:


Bit Players:

May 3rd, 2014

Andrew Garfield



Emma Stone

Keifer Sutherland

Leslie Jones

Donald Sterling Press ConferenceSummary: Following his racist recording rant, L.A. Clippers owner Donald Sterling (Bobby Moynihan) makes his half-hearted apologies to the NBA.

Recurring Characters: Dennis Rodman.


Andrew Garfield’s MonologueSummary: Fellow “Spiderman” actors Emma Stone and Aidy Bryant give first-timer Andrew Garfield pointers on how to quell his hosting jitters.


Recurring Characters: Shallon.

Celebrity Family Feud Summary: Steve Harvey (Kenan Thompson) moderates as American music performers are pitted against international music performers.

Recurring Characters: Steve Harvey, Justin Timberlake, Reba Macentire.

Oliver TwistSummary: A starving Oliver Twist (Andrew Garfield) fights older orphan Dierdre (Cecily Strong) for the last bowl of soup.

The BeygencySummary:

Coldplay performs “Magic”

Weekend Update with Cecily Strong & Colin JostSummary: Russian woman Olya Povlatsky (Kate McKinnon) talks about the Ukranian attack in her village. In-house image expert Leslie Jones comments about People Magazine’s Most Beautiful Person. Jebediah Atkinson (Taran Killam) reviews the Tony Awards.Atkinson.

Recurring Characters: Olya Povlatsky, Jebediah Atkinson.

Spiderman KissSummary: While filming “Spider Man 2”, Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone are incapable of kissing like normal human beings.

Wedding ToastSummary: Kevin (Andrew Garfield) makes an ass of himself when he admits to being in love with the bride (Cecily Strong) at her reception.


Coldplay performs “A Sky Full of Stars”

The Bird BibleSummary: Illustrations of birds in religious scenery helps make the Bible more kid-friendly.

Note: Repeat from 13n


Dress Rehearsal Cuts

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