SNL Transcripts: Charlize Theron: 05/10/14: Dragon Babies



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 39: Episode 20














13t: Charlize Theron / Coldplay

Dragon Babies

Stewart McGary, Director…..Taram Killam
Rick Shoulders…..Mike O’Brien
Girl Dragon Actress…..Noël Wells
…..Charlize Theron
Actress…..Nasim Pedrad
Pam Shoulders…..Cecily Strong

[ open on cartoon footage ]

Stewart McGary: “Dragon Babies” is the story of Bibbo. A young dragon who can’t breathe fire until he gets a magical powder at the top of a mountain. The only problem is, Bibbo is afraid of heights.

[ cut to cartoon ]

Girl Dragon: Last one to the top is a rotten egg. Come on Bibbo, what’s wrong?

Bibbo: Nah, that’s a big no-go for me! I’d do it but, I’d, uh… I’d need more magic! [ he clears the phlegm from his throat ] [ reveal Rick Shoulders coughing in the studio ]

Stewart McGary: Bibbo is voiced by retired Chicago Police Officer Rick Shoulders. So…

Rick Shoulders: It’s always been my dream to do voiceover work. So, after I retired in ’09, I headed to Tinsel Town to try my luck.

[ cut to cartoon ]

Boy Dragon: We need a fire to stay warm.

Girl Dragon: Bibbo, can you try to breathe fire?

Bibbo: Oh, shut up! I can’t do it.

[ cut to Rick and actress in the studio ]

Girl Dragon Actress: You just have to believe…

Rick Shoulders: God, I know, I gotta believe in myself, but I don’t yet, ya know, there’s the rub! [ he clears his throat ] [ cut to testimonial ]

Girl Dragon Actress: Well, Rick cut me off a lot. And cleared his throat in almost every take.

Stewart McGary: It’s gonna be a little hard to animate around coughing, so just take a moment now to get that out of your system.

Rick Shoulders: [ ferociously clearing his throat ] That’s not going anywhere, that’s not gonna go anywhere!

[ cut to testimonial ]

Stewart McGary: We were thrilled to have Charlize Theron involved. She’s playing Mayshowers, the candy witch.

Charlize Theron: Working with Rick Shoulders was a dream. So many actors are fake, but he’s real. Who knows, maybe in a parallel universe a guy like Rick goes for a girl like me.

Stewart McGary: As the dragon babies begin their journey, they get a little help from Princess Glendour the wood nymph who’s voiced by Rick’s wife, Pam Shoulders.

Actress: See Bibbo, you don’t have to be scared.

Rick Shoulders: Rick Shoulders: Scared? Oh, is my guy like the pussy in this thing?

Pam Shoulders: [ laughing ] Yeah, you’re the pussy!

Rick Shoulders: Oh, all right. I’ll be the pussy. Oh, dow-ti-do! You shut the hell up, come here!

[ they kiss ]

Stewart McGary: At one point Bibbo is trapped on a lilypad.

[ cut to cartoon ]

Bibbo: I’m trapped in Cramp Feather Bog.

Princess Glendour: And that lily pad’s takin’ on water, Bibbo.

Dragon: We’ll save you Bibbo.

Bibbo: Yeah, hop to it. Oh great, this sandwich has got cheese on it.

[ cut to Rick Shoulders holding sandwich in studio ]

Rick Shoulders: Pam I got yours.

Pam Shoulders: No. No, I got the right one, ’cause mine’s got eggs, see?

Rick Shoulders: Oh, they both got cheese on ’em. Those freakin’ idiots!

[ cut to testimonial ]

Stewart McGary: Yes. Sure. People have questioned my casting choice but Rick’s a great guy. Ah, I mean, I don’t mind saying he’s my AA sponsor. He saved my life.I owe a lot to him. But after this, I think we’re square.

Rick Shoulders: Director’s a good kid. Cast me right after I got cut from another gig. In fact, I will say two worst days in my life. One, getting cut the first day of recording on “Madagascar”. And number two is the day I shot Justin Mitchell. Unarmed guy, goin’ for his wallet. Couldn’t tell what he had. Couldn’t tell what he had. Shot him 10 times.

[ cut to cartoon ]

Stewart McGary: The climactic ending is where the dragon babies are facing off against Torlax.

Girl Dragon: He’s got Princess Glendour.

Princess Glendour: Listen to me close, Bibbo, shoot that scuzbucket right between the eyes.

Bibbo: Now, Pam, duck!

[ Bibbo blasts fire from his mouth ] [ in the studio, Rick Shoulders fires his gun repeatedly ]

Stewart McGary: He actually shot real bullets into the recording studio floor and hit a guy one floor down.

Rick Shoulders: [ he sighs ] Another bad day for Rick. Shot another guy. Damn it. But ah, go see “Dragon Babies” in the theater. It’s a story of a pussy that shoots a sczzbucket. Ah, it’s a good time. This has been “HBO: First Looks”. Psssh! Oh, not that.

Submitted by: Raul Gonzalez

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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