SNL Transcripts: Charlize Theron: 05/10/14: Come Do A Game Show with Your Mom.


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 39: Episode 20

13t: Charlize Theron / Coldplay

Come Do A Game Show with Your Mom.

Joan Pendek…..Kate Mckinnon
Michael…..Brooks Wheelan
Jeremy…..Kyle Mooney
Trish…..Charlize Theron
Linda…..Aidy Bryant
Dad…..Bobby Moynihan

Announcer: You’re watching the Hallmark Channel. Up next, it’s our annual Mother’s Day Game Show. That’s right. It’s time for “Come Do A Game Show with Your Mom. It’ll Be Fun. Yes It Will!” And here’s your host and mom extraordinare, Joan Pendek.

Joan Pendek: Okay, Okay. Oh man. Hey there, happy Mother’s Day. Welcome to the game. This is the show where three contestants, aka my kids prove how well they know their mom. Hi, guys!

Michael: Hey mom.

Jeremy: I don’t wanna be here!

Joan Pendek: Yes you do, it’s fun. It’s fun. Okay. As always I let my kids pick what prizes they wanted to play for. Let’s find out what they are. Michael?

Michael: If I win, you have to stop sending me recommendations from Angie’s list.

Joan Pendek: Tough prize. Right out the gate. Okay. Jeremy, what you got?

Jeremy: If I win, you have to let me get ear gauges.

Joan Pendek: Jeremy no. Oh, please god no. You’ve such beautiful ears. Why? Why? Finally, my baby girl, Trish.

Trish: Mom, I love you, but if I win you have to delete your Facebook.

Joan Pendek: Honey, I can’t do that. That’s my window into your world. Okay. It’s time for the first round. Contestants, who’s that gal I like?

Michael: Edie Falco.

Joan Pendek: Yes, yes. I love Dr. Jackie, she’s the best, so real. Okay, next question. Who in Hollywood do I think is gay?

Trish: Everyone.

Joan Pendek: Yes. If you’re a good actor you might me gay. Go them. Next up, what’s the worst thing that happened to me all year?

Trish: When we went to the movies and popcorn was 9 dollars.

Joan Pendek: Yes, it’s robbery. That’s robbery. Okay. That’s the end of round one. Let’s go to our judges, AKA my neighbour, Linda, to see how you’re all doing.

Linda: Hey, they are doing well and it warms my heart.

Joan Pendek: Linda is doing much better. Her doctor said that it’s important that she be around people and learning right now. Alright, time for round two. These are for double points. Here we go. Which of these e-mails did I send you all last week? We got: AiDS making a comeback among whites, uncle Dick passed, or Fw: Fw: Fw: Fw: celery salad.

Trish: All of them.

Joan Pendek: That is correct. I did. And this next question is a picture. Okay, we got Michael in front of the Eiffel Tower. He’s pointing right to the tower and his caption says “Eiffel Tower”. The question is about Linda over there. What did Linda comment on that photo?

Michael: Looks fun, where is this?

Linda: I could not figure it out!

Joan Pendek: Oh Linda. Alright next question. Which race of fellas did your father insult while we were eating at a Chinese restaurant?

Trish: I feel like it should be Chinese, but I am gonna go say Indians.

Joan Pendek: Ding, ding, ding. Yes. He said our waiter looked like that Slum Dog Millionaire. Okay, speaking of your dad, it’s time for quick dad round. Let’s bring him out. Alright.

Dad: Hey guys, your question is how’re you doing? You doing good? Oh, yeah. Alright, kid here’s your mother. Thanks babe.

Joan Pendek: Love you babe. You know, your dad just had hemorrhoid surgery. It’s very painful. That’s what happens, that’s why you don’t push, okay? If it’s not happening, you get up you come back later. And try it again. Okay, time for our final lightning round “What’d She Just Do?” I’m gonna show you pictures of my friends, you tell me what they just did. Capisce? Okay, first up we got Bunny. What a bunny just do?

Michael: Didn’t say hi to you at Safeway.

Joan Pendek: Yes. Bitch. We got Brenda. What Brenda just do?

Trish: She knows what she did.

Joan Pendek: Yes, she certainly does. Okay, we got Karen. What Karen just do?

Jeremy: Put cameras in her garage because she keeps getting robbed.

Joan Pendek: Yeah, and she’s not even rich. I don’t know! Pat. What’d Pat just do?

Trish: She slept with Jeremy.

Joan Pendek: What? Jeremy.

Jeremy: What can I say mom. She’s a very charming woman.

Joan Pendek: Oh my god. Okay well, you know what? You’re 18. She’s very attractive so I guess, have at it. Okay, and that’s all the time we have. We’re all winners because we’re all together. I’m Joan Pendek. I’m saying Happy Mother’s Day. Come give your mom a kiss. Come on. Get over here. Come on. Come on. There we go.

Submitted by: Raul Gonzalez

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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