SNL Transcripts: Charlize Theron: 05/10/14: A Mother’s Day Message from Michelle Obama and Hillary Clinton


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 39: Episode 20

13t: Charlize Theron / Coldplay

A Mother’s Day Message from Michelle Obama and Hillary Clinton

Michelle Obama…..Sasheer Zamata
Hillary Clinton…..Vanessa Bayer

Announcer: And now, a Mother’s Day message from Michelle Obama and Hillary Clinton.

Michelle Obama: Hello, America. As two of our country’s first moms, Hillary and I wanna wish a happy Mother’s Day to all the moms around this wonderful nation.

Hillary Clinton: Yeah, both of us have been called so many things. Uh, but you know, it’s nice to have one day where the first thing that we’re called is mom.

Michelle Obama: And for Hillary and I to be here together, just the two of us… as mothers.

Hillary Clinton: Uh, and soon grandma. But you know, a young, impact full grandma.

Michelle Obama: Tomorrow morning, Barack and the kids will bring me breakfast in bed, then we’ll all go for a family run.

Hillary Clinton: And I’m gonna put my Blackberry on airplane mode and watch “The Good Wife” in my zip-up robe.

Michelle Obama: My family has already started with the presents. Look, I’m mother of the year.

Hillary Clinton: And I have not yet decided if I will run for Mother of the Year.

Michelle Obama: And I’ve even made a present for myself, these healthy, low-fat Mother’s Day cookies.

Hillary Clinton: Delicious.

Michelle Obama: Which are made out of flax seeds and dates. But I care less about the gifts that I receive. What Barack and I are really proud of is giving the gift of healthcare to 8 million Americans.

Hillary Clinton: Ya know, which is funny because I tried to give them that gift 16 years ago, huh! So, it’s more like a re-gift.

Michelle Obama: But we actually delivered it. Mothers today are doing more than ever before. They’re not only caretakers, they’re astronauts, they’re CEOs.

Hillary Clinton: Yeah. Some could even be presidents! I don’t know! Who know?

Michelle Obama: Of course! It didn’t happen in 2008 but maybe in 2016. The point is, Hillary and I know how hard it is to be working mothers.

Hillary Clinton: Absolutely. You know, I just know a little bit more. I mean, for years, I was flying all over the world dealing with some of the worst humanitarian crisis, you know, but I suppose it’s also tough to make a chubby kid eat an apple.

Michelle Obama: Well, obesity is killing our children.

Hillary Clinton: Absolutely. You know, not so much in Syria. There, it’s more biological weapons, you know? But kids, watch out for cake! I certainly understand their concerns but, hey, Ukraine! Cookie alert! Get down! Get down! There’s a high risk of fun!

Michelle Obama: You know, Ukraine has been in the news a lot lately. I’m sure you’d be on top of it if you didn’t quit your job.

Hillary Clinton: Okay. Well, I’m surprised you had time to read the news between guest starring on Nashville and doing push-ups on Ellen, but you know, I guess that’s what first ladies do now. I don’t know! Yeah, yeah!

Michelle Obama: Okay, all right. This is good, this is fun.

Hillary Clinton: Yeah, this is fun. You know, I guess at the end of the day, we’re just two moms who, you know, like all moms are just trying our best, and you know, I really do like Nashville.

Michelle Obama: I watch it every week.

Hillary Clinton: Oh, we should watch it together. I literally have nothing to do right now…

Michelle Obama: Absolutely. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m helping Beyonce teaching hip-hop dance class to under privileged kids.

Hillary Clinton: And I’m meeting Barbara Baxter to go work out at Curbs.

Michelle Obama: So, happy Mother’s Day, and (together) Live from New York! It’s Saturday Night!

Submitted by: Raul Gonzalez

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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