Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 39: Episode 21
13u: Andy Samberg / St. Vincent
Blizzard Man
Agent #1…..Vanessa Bayer
Technician…..Kenan Thompson
Agent #2…..Beck Bennett
…..2 Chainz
Blizzard Man…..Andy Samberg
[ open on studios ]
Agent #1: It’s such an honor to be in the studio with the one and only 2 Chainz.
2 Chainz: The honor’s all mine!
Agent #2: Chainz, the tracks are bangin’ but we still need a hook for that second single.
2 Chainz: I feel you — but not to worry, I got just the man for the job.
Agent #2: Who, Pitbull?
Agent #1: Cool-o.
2 Chainz: Nah, nah better. The Blizzard Man!
Technician: The Blizzard Man? I heard he dropped out the game, disappeared down the rabbit home of his own genius like a hip hop Bobby Fischer.
[ door buzzes ]
2 Chainz: That’s him, right there. [ Blizzard Man enters] My man! What up, player? You ready to do this thing?
Blizard Man: Yeah.
2 Chainz: Get in the booth, fool.
Technician: So, that’s the Blizzardman?
2 Chainz: I know what you’re thinkin’. But the man has the same exact swag as ASAP Rocky, and the street cred of Katherine Heigl.
Agent #2: Oh, so he’s a soldier?
2 Chainz: Exactly. Yo! Blizzard! You ready to do this thing man? Just let the music move through you, baby.
Blizard Man: Trill.
[ rapping ]
“Yo I’m ’bout to set it.
It’s your boy, Blizznasty, on worst behavior
Check my style out
Rap song, rap song
I boogie on the floor and yell huzzah
The ladies look finer then a country ham so I make them put there moves on my butt.
Yo! The devil is a lie!”
2 Chainz: Put up the bat! Home run! It’s over! Give me my money, give me my money!
Technician: What?! That was terrible!
Agent #1: Yeah, not good.
Agent #2: Did not like that no.
2 Chainz: Man, y’all crazy!
Technician: Alright, Blizzard Man, take two.
Blizard Man: [ rapping ]
“Yo! The block is hot.
Two and A Half Men made better by the Kutch.
Check my style out.
I wear a shirt in bed ’cause I’ve got Eggo Waffle nips.
My main tattoo is a leaf of dope
and I’ll only fornicate with ratchet dames.
Yo! Rhythm is a dancer!”
Technician: No!
2 Chainz: I can’t believe he brought that swag back, swag, swag.
Agent #1: Yeah, 2 Chainz, I’m just not sure what you see in this guy.
2 Chainz: Are you kidding me? The guy look like a white Taye Diggs. Just check him out.
Agent #1: Okay, yeah, I’m not sure but I’m open to it. I’d like to hear him try again.
Technician: Suit yourself. Blizzard Man, take three!
Blizard Man: [ rapping ]Yo! ‘Bout to hit you with a trap 00 1990 schnurf!”
Technician: ’90 schnurf?
Blizard Man: [ rapping ]
“La Bamba is my favorite
The movie, not the song.
Mr. Esai Morales.
Check my style out.
I am a super freak. I’m known to Bob Sallies in the womens latrine.
I put it on ’em like a Stallion horse and my wang is bigger than a Country ham.
It’s my birthday and I’ve got one wish,
it’s for a prostitute with grande trunk.
I take her for a brunch at a brasserie
head back to the can and then pay the bowl.
Boop boop boobalie boop boop ba do boo ba da…”
Agent #1: Well, 2 Chainz, looks like Blizzardman did it.
Agent #2: Swag!
(Image: Newspaper: “Blizzard Man Doesn’t Do It”)
Submitted by: Raul Gonzalez
