SNL Transcripts: Andy Samberg: 05/17/14: An SNL Digital Short

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 39: Episode 21

13u: Andy Samberg / St. Vincent

An SNL Digital Short

…..Andy Samberg
…..Pharrell Williams
Whore…..Maya Rudolph

[ open as Andy Samberg’s cellphone rings ]

Andy Samberg: Hello?

Girl: Hi! This is Bridget. Should I come over later?

Andy Samberg: I’m sorry, I don’t know a Bridget.

Bridget: Well, that’s not what you said when you hugged me last night.

Andy Samberg: You think we’re an item just because I gave you a hug? Trick! You better think again.

Lonely Island: [ rapping ]
“We are not gentlemen!
Yo! I’ll hug a girl like it don’t mean nothin’
Then turn around and start huggin’ her cousin
I don’t love ’em, end of the fuckin’ discussion
Got ’em tucked between my wings like Thanksgiving stuffing

She wanna hug from behind – I did it
Then her friend jump in; I’m wit’ it
I hug ’em tighter than a tube top;
After that, it’s just a matter of time
Before the other shoe drop.

I get more hugs than Oprah selling drugs
And the drug was pure X – no marriage, no sex.
Just hugs.”

Pharrell Williams: [ singing ]
“Don’t get mad, girl. We get mad girls
And we’re hugging all over the world
So don’t catch feelings, it ain’t love
We’re just the kings of giving out hugs
And if you wanna settle down, you know you got us all wrong
So we move to the next one, no disrespect, hon
But you can’t hug a rolling stone.”

Lonely Island: [ rapping ]
“You can’t hug a rolling stone cause it’ll crush you
Begging me to hug you again? That’s when I shush you
On an airplane, at a Knick game
Feel the same damn thing when I hug them
Which is nothing
Can’t trust them, lose all respect when I hug them

Now guess who’s back in the motherfucking house
With a fat hug for your sweater and your blouse
Hugged so many ladies, arms shaky and shit
Because I’m the Wilt Chamberlain of the upper-body grip.
(HUGS!)

Cause I get more hugs than a batch of puppy pugs
Sitting on a fluffy rug, getting tickled touched and rubbed
(OH SHIT!)
Real talk, like you chatting with a fisherman
Wrap these chicks up like a motherfucking swisher, man!”

Pharrell Williams: [ singing ]
“This ain’t love girl, because this hug world
Is just a big Game of Thrones
We be king of the castle, got arms like a lasso.
But you can’t hug a rolling stone.

I been hugging on your mama
Especially when your daddy’s gone
Wearing his pajamas
I know you thinking that is wrong
I don’t care what son does
I’m concentrating on her back
I just wanna hug your mama in her Subaru hatchback.
Put her in a figure-4, yes I’m a hug gigolo
Now she tells her tupperware friends to let their sisters know…”

Lonely Island:
“…that I give more hugs than Atlas had shrugs
(Rest my head on her shoulder)
While your man mean mugs.”

Pharrell Williams:
“We had fun, girl. But don’t get sprung, girl
Just because I hugged you raw
We can do a group thing, bring Sarah and Susan
And we can have a hug-a-trois.
So quit trying to own my hugs
I gave you these arms on loan
So come give me a hug
The waistline and above
When push comes to shove
You can’t hug a rolling stone.”

Whore: Purex! Purex for sale!

Submitted by: Raul Gonzalez

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