Dongs All Over the World

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Aidy: Hey, did you guys hear about Janelle?

Cecily: Oh, yes! Turns out her man’s been pimping all over the world.

Anna: Yeah, he’s got hoes in different area codes.

Sasheer: That’s hot!!

Kate: And you know what, girls? That gives me [faces the camera] a nasty idea!

Kate:
We’re tired of sitting home while the guys have all the fun.
So we’re getting on a plane, gonna show ’em how it’s done.

Aidy:
Flying international with one thing on our minds,
and it’s not the type of thing you find in a travel guide.

Sasheer:
Not lookin’ for a art museum,
Not lookin’ for a mausoleum.
This ain’t the trip to see ’em —

Ensemble:
We. Just. Want. Those.
Dongs all over the world,
London, Paris, Tel Aviv.
Dongs all over the world,
Every woman’s fantasy!
Dongs all over the world,
Me llamo nasty girl!
Dong dong dong dong dong dong
Dongs all over the world.

Cecily:
One hundred ninety-six countries —
now that’s a lot of dongs!
All I packed is travel shampoo
and fifteen hundred thongs.

Anna:
Each dong is like a snowflake,
except that it’s a dong,
and we gotta catch ’em all
like sexual Pokemon!

Aidy:
Filling up my passport,
it’s all about quantity.
I’m a modern day Columbus,
and I claim this dong for me!

Cecily:
Time to drink some water,
and we rest our tired eyes.
Soon as we get off the plane,
our eyes are on the prize.

Sasheer:
The prize ain’t the Mona Lisa
or the Leaning Tower of Pisa
or the Pyramids of Giza.

Ensemble:
The. Prize. Is. The.
Dongs all over the world,
Venice, Shanghai, Venice Beach.
Dongs all over the world,
fifty hours without sleep.
Dongs all over the world,
ich bin nasty girl.
Dong dong dong dong dong dong
Dongs all over the world.

Anna:
Here’s a quick tip that ya need to know
when ya travellin’ the world with your girls in tow.
Keep a tight schedule and ya can’t go wrong.
You’ll see none of the country, but all of the dongs.
Nine PM, get off the plane.
9:01, go find the dongs.
9:02, destroy the dongs.
9:03, back on the plane!

Icona Pop:
Ladies, these are your captains speaking.
It is now safe and mandatory to move about the cabin.

Ensemble:
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, I love it.
hey, hey, hey, hey, dong, dong, dong, dong.

Vanessa:
So, do you live in Istanbul?

Aidy:
No, uh, I’m actually an international nasty girl
and my friends and I are doing every dong in the world.

Vanessa:
Oh. That’s nice.

Ensemble:
Dongs all over the world,
Hong Kong, Florence, Philippines,
Dongs all over the world,
gimme, gimme, gimme please!
Dongs all over the world,
je suis nasty girl.
Dong dong dong dong dong dong
Dongs all over the world.

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Author: Jyo

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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