Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 40: Episode 1
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Air Date:Host:Musical Guest:Special Guests:Cameos:Bit Players:
September 27th, 2014
Chris Pratt
Arianna Grande
None
Anna Faris
The Weekend
None
State of the Union
Summary: Candy Crowley (Aidy Bryant) discusses the NFL’s recent troubles with Ray Lewis (Kenan Thompson) and Shannon Sharpe (Jay Pharoah).
Recurring Characters: Candy Crowley, Shannon Sharpe.
Transcript
Montage
Chris Pratt’s Monologue
Summary: Chris Pratt sings a song about how great it is to host “Saturday Night Live”.
Cialis Turnt
Summary: Man (Taran Killam) uses extra-strength erection pill to ensure he has a stylin’ boner.
Toys
Summary: On his birthday, a lonely boy’s (Kyle Money) wish for his He-Man (Chris Pratt) and Lion-O (Taran Killam) toys to come alive backfires when they’d rather fondle one another and hit on his mom (Aidy Bryant).
Animal Hospital
Summary: Nurses (Cecily Strong, Kate McKinnon, Chris Pratt) at veterinarian’s office alert customers that their pets have died.
Marvel
Summary: New line of Marvel films are made with no original thought and guaranteed to attract audiences everywhere.
Ariana Grande performs “Break Free”
Weekend Update with Colin Jost & Michael Che
Summary: Girl (Cecily Strong). Leslie Jones comments on being a single black woman in today’s world. Pete Davidson comments on the business sensibility in going down on a guy. Colin Jost and Michael Che advise President Barack Obama to cheer up by delivering sensible advice.
Recurring Characters: Girl.
Booty Rap
Summary: At a bar, (Aidy Bryant) hits on (Chris Pratt) by rapping about her big fat ass.
Bad Boys
Summary: In a spoof of 90’s sitcoms, (Chris Pratt) falls in with a group of young bad boys, nearly alienating himself from his roommates (Beck Bennett, Kyle Mooney).
NFL On CBS
Summary: Members of the Baltimore Ravens and the Carolina Panthers introduce themselves and list their recent crimes.
Transcript
Ariana Grande and The Weekend perform “Love Me Harder”
Puzzle World 6
Summary: Man (Chris Pratt) and woman (Vanessa Bayer) from Puzzle World make out every time their test users complete a puzzle piece.
Goodnights
Transcript
Dress Rehearsal Cuts
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