A Drink at The White House Cold Open

0
(0)

Barack Obama… Jay Pharoah

Mitch McConnell… Taran Killam

Michelle Obama… Sasheer Zamata

[Starts with a clip of White House.]

Male voice: Last week, republicans won decisively in the midterm elections. In a gesture of good will, President Obama offered to have a glass of Kentucky bourbon with future Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell. This evening, that drink took place.

[Cut to Barack Obama and Mitch McConnell having a drink] [cheers and applause]

Barack Obama: Senator, thanks for coming.

Mitch McConnell: My pleasure.

Barack Obama: Here’s to you and republicans on the victory.

Mitch McConnell: Well, thank you. Thank you. You know, I think that this election had a clear message.

Barack Obama: Yes, it did. Folks want us together.

Mitch McConnell: [interrupting] The people rejected you.

Barack Obama: Okay, good start.

[Three drinks in]

Mitch McConnell: We ask you not to move on immigration without us and the first thing you do is say you’re gonna move the first thing.

Barack Obama: Okay, so you telling me that republicans are gonna pass an immigration bill? That’s your first– what do you first ask? A bill for immigration?

Mitch McConnell: Absolutely, yes. It is a huge priority.

Barack Obama: Really?

Mitch McConnell: Definitely.

[Barack Obama and Mitch McConnell both laugh]

Barack Obama: Okay, okay. Now, we’re having fun.

[Four drinks in] [They are laughing. Mitch McConnell is calling someone.]

Barack Obama: Did she pick up yet?

Mitch McConnell: Hold on! [speaking on the phone making different voice] Yes, Mrs. Hillary Clinton. This is publisher’s clearing house. I want you to know you’ve won an all expense paid trip to ‘get whooped in Mitch McConnell0Barack Obama6’.

[Mitch McConnell hangs up the phone] [Barack Obama and Mitch McConnell are laughing]

Barack Obama: Did she know it was us?

Mitch McConnell: She had no idea. And even if she did, she do not in front of congress.

[phone ringing] [Barack Obama and Mitch McConnell scream terrified] [Six drinks in] [Barack Obama is eating chips]

Mitch McConnell: You’re black.

Barack Obama: I am half black, yes.

Mitch McConnell: And you are the president of the United States. That’s crazy. I mean, you ever think about that? A black US president with this country’s history? No one would have thought that.

Barack Obama: No one would have every thought that the senate majority leader would be a redneck who looks like he lots his lips in a fight.

Mitch McConnell: No! Okay, I may have deserved that. I can’t dance like you.

[Seven drinks in]

Barack Obama: You guys are so mean to me.

Mitch McConnell: Stop it.

Barack Obama: I mean, you are. You hate me. You know what Malia said the other day?

Mitch McConnell: What?

Barack Obama: She said, “Daddy, that man who ran across the White House lawn wanted to kill you. Was that Mitch McConnell?”

Mitch McConnell: She did not!

Barack Obama: She did.

Mitch McConnell: Oh! I don’t want that. Now you mad me cry!

[Barack Obama and Mitch McConnell are crying] [Nine drinks in] [Barack Obama has a medal on his head]

Barack Obama: I could sure use a smoke right now.

[Michelle Obama walks in]

Michelle Obama: Barack, it’s Barack ObamaBarack Obama o’clock.

Barack Obama: Michelle, we’re just finishing up.

Michelle Obama: Is that the Presidential Medal of Freedom on your head?

Barack Obama: I was just showing the senator. Michelle, you look great tonight.

Michelle Obama: Don’t! We have to fly to China early tomorrow morning.

[Michelle Obama leaves]

Mitch McConnell: [teasing Barack Obama] Ooh, you’re in trouble.

Barack Obama: In the doory house baby. You know what? So, I guess there’s nothing getting done in next two years, huh?

Mitch McConnell: Not a damn thing.

Barack Obama: Well, you know what? That’s great! But we can do this together.

Barack Obama and Mitch McConnell: Live from New York, it’s Saturday Night!

How useful was this post?

Click on a star to rate it!

Average rating 0 / 5. Vote count: 0

No votes so far! Be the first to rate this post.

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

Subscribe
Notify of
guest
0 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments