Morgan… Aidy Bryant
Cara… Cecily Strong
Megan… Amy Adams
Dancer guys… One Direction
[Starts with Girlfriends talk show intro]
Female singing: Girlfriends talking about guys and stuff
Girlfriends talking about you guys and clothes
Girlfriends talk show.
[Cheers and applause]
[Cut to Morgan and Cara at their set.]
Cara: Hi, I am Cara and this is how I do me.
Morgan: Yeah. And I am Morgan, and I do myself a few different ways.
Cara: Morgan, don’t say it like that. We’re BFFs.
Morgan: Yeah, Best Fabulous Females.
Cara: I haven’t seen Morgan in a while coz she has been really busy with the school dance team.
Morgan: Yeah. My involvement with the dance squad has basically taken over my life. It’s my passion. It’s totally eclipsed loom art.
Cara: Then you’re gonna love our surprise guest, Morgan. I invited captain of your dance squad. She’s gonna tell us how good you are.
Morgan: Oh, no. Ask me first. Always!
Cara: Please welcome Megan Carter Cosgro.
[Megan walks in a cheerleader outfit and sits beside Cara.]
[cheers and applause.]
Megan: Hi, Cara. Thanks for having me on your show. Morgan and I haven’t seen each other in a long, long time.
Cara: Why, isn’t she in your dance squad?
Megan: Well, that is a really interesting question. Is Morgan on my dance squad?
Morgan: Hmm, mother earth, please, take me away. Give me the powers of flight.
Megan: Um, do you wanna tell her the truth, Morgan? Coz, I’m known as the sweetie and I think the answer will embarrass you.
Cara: So, just say it Morgan.
Morgan: Very well. I am a fourth alternate. I basically just hang out and I wait for a disaster to happen to someone.
Cara: Awesome! First topic… Dance moves—
Morgan: [interrupting Cara] True life angel stories.
Cara: Dance moves.
Morgan: Oh, no.
Megan: Yeah, Morgan. Since you claim to be a part of the team, you must know all of the dances.
Morgan: Oh, this is a girl trap. I can feel it.
Megan: Let’s do, body pump 2,000.
[music playing]
[Morgan and Megan stand to dance.]
[Megan dances but Morgan is just shaking her body.]
Cara: Well, one of you wasn’t doing the dance and my gut says Morgan.
Morgan: I was just marking it. I’m saving it out for the show.
Megan: But you’re not in the show.
Morgan: Okay. Well, if four girls get hurt, I am in the show. So, you better take your chewable vitamins along with your bitch sandwich and then go ahead and sit on the sandwich as well.
Cara: Morgan! Chill out.
Megan: The real reason Morgan isn’t in the team is because she seizes up when any of the guy dancers are around.
Morgan: Not true.
Cara: Good! Coz they’re here.
Morgan: The guys?
Cara: Yeah. Please welcome Bret, Parker, Brandon, Brason and Scot.
[The guys walk in dancing wearing the matching outfit as Megan]
Bret: What’s up, Morgan?
Parker: Hello, Morgan.
Brandon: What’s up, girl?
Brason: Yo!
Scot: What’s up?
Brason: Long time no see, girl.
Scot: How’s your guinea pig?
[Cut to Morgan and Cara]
Morgan: I wana-ta-ta-yai-yai… [she can’t speak]
[Cut to everybody]
Megan: See?
Cara: Morgan, make a word.
Morgan: G-G-G-Gout!
Bret: Hey, Cara.
Cara: Hey.
Parker: Hello, Cara.
Cara: Hi.
Brandon: What’s up?
Cara: Hi.
Brason: What’s up?
Morgan: Wait, how did they all know you?
Cara: Oh, they’re all my ex-boyfriends. No hard feelings, right guys? People change, people move on, people grow.
Megan: Yeah, I heard you’re dating a cool older guy.
Cara: Yeah! My boyfriend’s older. He lives on a house boat now coz of water laws, coz he hates housing taxes. He says they’ll have to price taxes from his cold dead hands. I’ve never been on it. Every Sunday, I go to the dock and stand on a shrimp cage and eat a lobster roll while he watches from a tiny port hole. Sometimes I can see one eye looking at me. Other times just a mouth laughing. My boyfriend’s crazy!
Parker: As long as you’re happy…
Brandon: We happy!
Megan: Guys, you know what would make great TV? Us dancing.
Bret: Hey, Morgan. Can I have this dance with you?
Morgan: Oh, my god. I am blasting out of my pants right now.
Cara: Morgan, you didn’t mean to say that out loud I think.
Morgan: No, you are right. Cara, let the dancing begin.
[music playing]
[everybody are dancing, including Morgan]
[cheers and applause]
