Kyle Mooney
Mom… Aidy Bryant
He-man… Chris Pratt
Lion-o… Taran Killam
Sister… Cecily Strong
She-ra… Ariana Grande
[Starts with a clip of blue house]Kyle: A He-Man action figure? Just what I wanted. [Cut to the dining hall. Kyle and Mom are conversing.] Mom, this has been the best birthday ever. I almost don’t care that none of my classmates came to my party.
Mom: Aw! Well, [Cut to Mom] honey, growing up isn’t easy for anyone. At least, you have your toys.
[Cut to Kyle]Kyle: Yeah, but my toys can’t talk. Or sing my songs with me.
We are friends, who dream of love
[cut to Mom bringing a cake to Kyle]Mom: Oh! Honey, maybe don’t do the song. Okay? Here, why don’t you make your birthday wish and mama’s gonna go up stairs and take a nap, okay? Please don’t bother me sweetheart. Love you.
[Cut to Kyle]Kyle: I wish. I wish my toys were alive.
[Kyle blows the candle. The action figures come to life.] [cheers and applause]No way! My wish came true. Hi, He-man. I’m Danny.
[Cut to He-man and Lion-o]He-man: Danny!
[Kyle points to Lion-o]Kyle: And you’re Lion-o.
Lion-o: Okay.
[Cut to Kyle, He-man and Lion-o]Kyle: You’re alive!
He-man: Danny! [He-man hits the utensils with his sword]
Lion-o: What is alive?
Kyle: Careful!
Lion-o: Danny, tell us what alive is.
[He-man hits the table with his sword]He-man: Danny! Stop!
Kyle: Um, I thought this would be a woody and buzz lightyear thing, like, where you guys would know your worlds [Cut to Kyle] and — You guys don’t know anything.
[Cut to Kyle, He-man and Lion-o]Lion-o: [pointing at Danny’s pants] Danny, what are those?
Kyle: These are pants.
Lion-o: Pants?
He-man: Pants? Danny!
Lion-o: Why don’t we have pants?
He-man: [pointing the cake with word] Pants?
Kyle: No, that’s cake.
Lion-o: Why is cake, Danny?
Kyle: You can eat it, see? [Kyle eats a piece of cake] [Lion-o grabs the cake with his fist and eats]
Lion-o: I like cake.
He-man: Cake? [He-man takes some cake on his finger and eats it] [Cut to Sister walking in]
Sister: Danny, mom is making me say Happy Birthday to you, so Happy Birthday, okay?
Lion-o: What was that?
[Cut to Kyle, He-man and Lion-o]Kyle: That was just my sister.
He-man: I like sister. [He-man runs to the door and hits the door with his face. He doesn’t know how to open the door.] [Cut to Kyle and Lion-o]
Lion-o: I feel good when I see sister. Bring back sister, Danny.
Kyle: You guys are supposed to play with me.
[Cut to He-man]He-man: [screaming] I want sister! [He-man punches a hole through the wall] [Cut to Kyle, He-man and Lion-o]
Kyle: Don’t do that.
Lion-o: Give us more cake, Danny. [Lion-o hits the chair] Ah! I touched this [pointing at his underwear] to that part and it felt good. Why?
[Lion-o touches his underwear by himself]I like it. I like this, Danny. Do this.
[He-man starts touching Lion-o’s underwear, then Lion-o starts touching He-man’s underwear.]This feels good, Danny. This is good. Good like cake, but different good.
He-man: Oh! This is good.
Lion-o: I want this with the sister.
He-man: Yeah, with the sister.
Lion-o: Where is sister, Danny?
Kyle: Her room’s down the hall.
He-man: Down the hall. [He-man runs through the wall] [Cut to Kyle and Lion-o]
Lion-o: Now, give me more cake.
Kyle: Hey, there might be some more in there.
[Lion-o pulls the fridge door out and trows it away.]Lion-o: There is no cake, Danny.
[He-man runs in again]He-man: Cake?
[Cut to Lion-o]Lion-o: Did you find sister?
[cut to He-man]He-man: I found other sister.
[She-ra runs in with a sword] [Cut to Kyle]Kyle: Wow! She-ra, you’re alive too?
[cut to She-ra]She-ra: I heard you guys were doing this!
[Cut to everybody. Everyone except Kyle is touching their underwear.]Kyle: Can I have a birthday hug?
She-ra: I don’t like hugs. I like this.
[She-ra starts swinging her sword at the stuffs on the table. Then, He-man and Lion-o also start destroying other things.] [Mom walks in]Mom: Hey! What is going on in here?
Kyle: No, it’s not my fault, mom. I made a wish.
[Cut to Mom. He-man and Lion-o walk close to Mom]Lion-o: Mom?
He-man: Hair!
Lion-o: I like mom.
He-man: I like mom too.
Mom: Oh, my sweet meats. Danny, you may have blown out the candle, but mama’s wish done come true. Do you two want to see our hot tub?
He-man: Hmm, hot tub?
Lion-o: Yes, mom! Hot tub. [Lion-o starts touching his underwear again] This feel good mom!
Mom: Oh, I know. And She-ra, come on! I know you’re a freak!
[Cut to everybody leaving but Kyle.]