High School Theater Show with Cameron Diaz

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Aidy Bryant

Cameron Diaz

Kate McKinnon

Kyle Mooney

Beck Bennett

Kenan Thompson

Venessa Bayer

Taran Killam

[Starts with a plaque of Woodbridge High School Theater Showcase.] [Cut to Aidy and Cameron]

Aidy: Welcome you guys to Woodbridge high school’s experimental theater showcase, written and directed by us, the students.

[Cut to the audience clapping] [Cut to Aidy and Cameron]

Cameron: We are so proud to share our work with you on this gorgeous Tuesday at 2 pm.

Aidy: So, please close your eyes and then open them to enjoy the collection of moments, whispers of America.

[music is playing and other people are coming to the stage. One of them lie on the table.]

We are gathered here today for the funeral of…

Everybody: Main street.

Kate: I’m glad he’s dead. I’m Walmart.

Cameron: Me too. I’m McDonald’s.

Kyle: Me three. I’m the Give Me Now Culture.

Aidy: May he rest in peace. In the name of Procter and Gamble, GE and the holy time warner cable.

Everybody: Amen.

[music is playing and they are setting up their stage. They all stand on the boxes.]

Aidy: I want to feel beautiful.

Beck: You are beautiful.

Cameron: You are beautiful.

Beck: You are beautiful.

[Everybody pointing at the people in audience]

Everybody: You are beautiful. You are beautiful. You are beautiful. You are…

Aidy: Smart.

[music is playing and they are setting up their stage.] [Cut to Kenan and Venessa in the audience]

Kenan: Why are they moving those boxes around so much?

Venessa: I don’t know.

[Cut to the stage. They are all posing.]

Kate: When you’re at Starbucks, do you even notice who’s around you? Or is your mind only on one thing?

Everybody: Coffee! Coffee! Cup! Cup!

Kate: Look up! See the people of America. A little girl.

Cameron: He-he-he-he! Mommy!

Kate: A barista.

Aidy: Shhhh! Latte, order up!

Kate: An old man on a wheelchair.

Taran: Heyyyyy! I’m sick.

Kate: So, next time you’re at Starbucks, why don’t order a double shot of compassion.

[music is playing and they are setting up their stage.] [Cut to Kenan and Venessa in the audience]

Kenan: So, which one’s your daughter?

Venessa: I rather not say.

[Cut to the stage. They are all posing.]

Kyle: Meanwhile, at any hospital in America.

Beck: Yes, yes, I think that will be fine.

Aidy: Excuse me, doctor.

Cameron: I’m the doctor! He’s the nurse.

Aidy, Cameron and Beck: Wow!

[music is playing and they are setting up their stage.] [Cut to Kenan and Venessa in the audience]

Kenan: They moved all those boxes for that? That scene was like three words.

Venessa: You know, this is my first time seeing a play and I think I’m done.

[Cut to the stage. They are all posing.]

Cameron: I wrote a scene for this part of the show but it was …

Everybody: Censored.

Cameron: Because I couldn’t say the word…

Everybody: Censored.

Cameron: About the …

Everybody: Censored.

Cameron: So, I guess you’ll never hear because I was…

Everybody: Censored.

[music is playing and they are setting up their stage.] [Cut to Kenan and Venessa in the audience]

Kenan: What? They built a pyramid out of those boxes and they didn’t even use it.

Venessa: I just hate that they think that they’re teaching us.

[Cut to the stage. They are all posing.] [Kyle is singing Battle Hymn of the Republic in the background]

Taran: Dear Margaret, I’ve decided not to come home from war. I’ve decided to fight so that one day our daughter’s daughter can spend all day on the internet.

Everybody: I pledge your allegiance to aware.

[music is playing and they are making a line.] [Music stops. They all bow.] [Cut to Kenan and Venessa in the audience]

Kenan: Oh! Thank goodness, we’re free.

[Cut to the stage.]

Cameron: It’s not the first to seven intermissions.

Aidy: Please, stay seated because we will be walking around in character.

[Music is playing. The characters are now moving going to the audience.] [Cut to Kenan and Venessa in the audience]

Kenan: Why? Why?

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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