Aidy Bryant
John… Kyle Mooney
Troll… James Franco
Cathyann… Cecily Strong
[Starts with a clip of forest.]
Aidy: I think we’re lost.
[Cut to Aidy and John]
John: Sorry, I’m not Johnny Scout.
Aidy: Well, there’s a light over there on the other side of this bridge. So, let’s just head to that.
John: I said I’m not Johnny Scout.
Aidy: I know, I’m not mad at you./
John: I’m not that guy!
Aidy: Okay, let’s just cross the bridge.
John: Exactly what I was saying.
[As Aidy and John are crossing the bridge. The smoke appears and the voice is speaking.]
Voice: Step left, step left, step right, step right
[Troll appears]
who dares to cross this troll bridge tonight?
[Cut to Aidy and John]
Aidy: Oh, my god! It’s a troll.
John: Look man, what are you gonna do to us?
[Cut to Troll]
Troll: Well, I’ll let you pass of course, if you pass my test. Ha-ha-ha-ha.
[Cut to Aidy and John]
John: Let me handle this. I bet he wants us to answer a riddle.
[Cut to everybody. Cathyann comes out from under the bridge.]
Cathyann: Oh, no. That’s not true. That’s not true. That’s something he used to do.
Troll: Cathyann, I’m pretty sure you promised to stay under the bridge. Let me do my thing.
[Cut to Aidy and John]
Aidy: Oh, my god. Oh, my god. It’s another troll.
[Cut to Troll and Cathyann]
Cathyann: Are you for real? That’s just the rudest thing you could say. No, I’m not a troll. I’m a woman like you, or me, or Michelle Robama.
Troll: [whispering] Cathyann, you are my BFF. But you can just stay in your lane. [talking in manly voice] Sorry, folks. Back to me. Rawr!
[Cut to Aidy and John]
John: If she’s not a troll, why is she here?
[Cut to Troll and Cathyann]
Troll: It’s complicated. But, Cathyann had an issue with her landlord. It got messy. And I said, “Why are you even dealing with that stuff, Cathyann?”
Cathyann: Yeah! My landlord lied on me because she is a C-U-N-Thursday! But this troll saved my life. At lease my sanity.
[Cut to Aidy and John]
John: Mr. Troll and Cathyann, can we just please just solve the riddle so we can cross?
[Cut to Troll and Cathyann]
Troll: Not so fast! Riddles are fun but something’s a miss, to cross my bridge I require a kiss. [laughing]
[Cut to Aidy and John]
Aidy: A what?
[Cut to Troll and Cathyann]
Cathyann: No, guys, he used to do riddles. But with the internet, you just Google the answer. So, it’s no fun.
Troll: I love riddles. Stupid Google. Anyway…
Cathyann: Yeah! So, now, you have to give him a kiss. And I’m not talking about the friend zone kiss. I’m talking like romantic boyfriend girlfriend type of stuff, okay? So, who is first?
[Cut to Aidy and John]
Aidy: Wait, so we have to kiss you to cross the bridge?
John: I’ll kiss you, but you’re not kissing her. She’s my fiance.
Aidy: Why don’t you kiss your friend Cathyann if you wanna kiss somebody so bad.
[Cut to Troll and Cathyann]
Troll: Oh! No, no, no, no. That duck don’t quack that way! She and I are like brother and sister.
Cathyann: Oh, yeah, coz I can’t even see my real brother no more coz they tried to get the money second [unintelligible], and I told the judge he only had two of red wine and that was it. The judge care nothing on me until the real C-U-N-Tuesday. Oh, but Bill Cosby can walk free, yeah right! Don’t you see problem in that? Hello!
Troll: Okay, okay. Cathyann, you’re getting yourself wormed up. I know, yeah, she starting to [unintelligible], so not worth it.
Cathyann: Okay, do it right coz it’s not about me. That’s about one of you need to kiss my troll.
[Cut to Aidy and John]
John: Hey, I told you, you can have me but not my fiance.
Aidy: John, stop telling everyone I’m your fiance until I say a definite yes.
[Cut to Troll and Cathyann]
Cathyann: Ooh! Racky romance. I can definitely relate to that guy coz my boyfriend and I are long distant. He trying to be a rapper but he lives in San Diego until I can get out there and live with him. Oh man, I’m gonna get me a tan.
Troll: No! No! Cathyann, don’t talk about leaving. That makes me so sad.
Cathyann: Well, enjoy me while you can. Am I right, you guys?
[Cut to Aidy and John]
John: Right, right. Let’s just do the stupid kiss.
[Cut to everybody. John and Troll walk on the bridge.]
Troll: The pact is made, the magic begun, just one kiss and we are done.
John: I can’t believe I’m doing this.
[John and Cathyann kiss]
[Cut to Cathyann]
Cathyann: Wow! Go John! Go John! Look at him go. You earned that bridge, John.
[Cut to Aidy, John and Troll. John and Troll are still kissing.]
Aidy: John, enough. Enough! And yes, I will marry you my brave boy.
[Cut to John and Troll. John looks at Aidy, turns around and then start kissing Troll again.]
[Cut to Cathyann]
Cathyann: Troll, you must be happy now, huh? It’s supposed to be, but I’ll do it, they just walk a different way.
[Cut to John and Troll]
Troll: Well, task is completed. You are having fun. You two are GTG, good to go.
[Cut to everybody. Aidy and John cross the bridge.]
Cathyann: See you later, guys.
[Aidy and John leave]
Troll: Oh! I’m gonna miss that woman I just kissed.
Cathyann: What? You gotta get your eyes checked. That was not no woman. That were a man and a woman and you kissed a man one.
Troll: Oh! It’s official, huh? I’m bisexual.
Cathyann: Oh, come on! Let’s go under that bridge and laugh.
