MTV’s Jingle Ballerz A Hip Hop Nativity

Katyler Smyth… Pete Davidson

Rihanna… Sasheer Zamata

Eminem… Taran Killam

Riff Raff… James Franco

Rick Ross… Kenan Thompson

Justin Bieber… Kate McKinnon

Beyoncé… Nicki Minaj

Kanye West… Jay Pharoah

[Starts with MTV’s Jingle Ballerz video bumper.]

[Cut to Katyler Smyth in his set]

Katyler Smyth: Welcome back to Jingle Ballerz, MTV’s biggest holiday party of the year. Once again, I’m your host Katyler Smyth from MTV’s upcoming game show, Drunk or High? I know we’ve had a lot of fun tonight jingling them balls, I mean bells, ha-ha-ha. But its time for us to take a moment and remember the reason for the season. For the first time ever, we present MTV’s Hip Hop Nativity. Please, put your hands together for Rihanna.

[Cut to Rihanna. She has wings on her back.]

[music playing]

Rihanna: I bring you tidings of great joy

Shine bright like a bright star
Jesus lay in the hay
beautiful like the star
three wise men on their way-ay-ay-ay

Ladies and gentlemen, show some love for three wise men, Eminem, Riff Raff and Rick Ross.

[Cut to Eminem, Riff Raff and Rick Ross walking in]

Eminem: [rapping] I had the sense to bring the king Frank
and since in keeper was too intense
said he had no room to rent
so I cut his throat!

Riff Raff: None stop through desert,
bring god some more.
I try to smokie
it didn’t work

Rick Ross: Bringing in gold
making it rain
but most of all
I bring in champagne

Rick Ross!

[Cut to Rihanna]

Rihanna: The three wise men gave their gifts to Baby J. But there wouldn’t be a Baby J without Joseph and his Queen B married. The original team mom, who don’t need no sex to make a child. Ladies and gentlemen, [Cut to everybody. Justin Bieber and Beyonce are also there.] give it up for Justin Bieber and the Virgin Mary, Beyonce.

[cheers and applause]

[Cut to Justin Bieber and Beyonce]

Justin Bieber: Yo! I’m sorry I had to give birth out here, where all the animals live. I couldn’t afford a hotel room because I’m like, a poor carpenter’s son. I don’t know. You deserve better than this Beyonce.

[Beyonce walks font.]

Beyonce: No, no, no. This moment is not about me. Let everybody have their moment. This moment is about my baby boy. Behold.

[singing] He woke up like this!

Flawless. One day he’ll turn water into wine, and we’ll all be…

[singing] drunk in love.

[Cut to Rihanna]

Rihanna: Glory to god and the highest who will…

[singing] rain on it forever. 

Isn’t that right, Jesus?

[cut to Eminem, Riff Raff and Rick Ross]

[music playing]

Eminem, Riff Raff and Rick Ross: Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.

[Cut to everybody]

Kanye West: [rapping] It’s your boy, Yeez-us
and I’m baby Jesus
and I am a god
and my dad is a god
and I am my dad, isn’t that rare
just coz it’s complicated
that doesn’t mean that is bad
Ya! They call me a freak
coz I wrap the weak
scream my name [mumbling]
when I speak
hah!

[Cut to Rihanna]

Rihanna: And that’s exactly how it happened. And 300 years later, he still–

[Cut to everybody]

Everybody: [singing] Shines bright like a bright star