Katyler Smyth… Pete Davidson
Rihanna… Sasheer Zamata
Eminem… Taran Killam
Riff Raff… James Franco
Rick Ross… Kenan Thompson
Justin Bieber… Kate McKinnon
Beyoncé… Nicki Minaj
Kanye West… Jay Pharoah[Starts with MTV’s Jingle Ballerz video bumper.] [Cut to Katyler Smyth in his set]
Katyler Smyth: Welcome back to Jingle Ballerz, MTV’s biggest holiday party of the year. Once again, I’m your host Katyler Smyth from MTV’s upcoming game show, Drunk or High? I know we’ve had a lot of fun tonight jingling them balls, I mean bells, ha-ha-ha. But its time for us to take a moment and remember the reason for the season. For the first time ever, we present MTV’s Hip Hop Nativity. Please, put your hands together for Rihanna.
Rihanna: I bring you tidings of great joy
Shine bright like a bright star
Jesus lay in the hay
beautiful like the star
three wise men on their way-ay-ay-ay
Ladies and gentlemen, show some love for three wise men, Eminem, Riff Raff and Rick Ross.[Cut to Eminem, Riff Raff and Rick Ross walking in]
Eminem: [rapping] I had the sense to bring the king Frank
and since in keeper was too intense
said he had no room to rent
so I cut his throat!
Riff Raff: None stop through desert,
bring god some more.
I try to smokie
it didn’t work
Rick Ross: Bringing in gold
making it rain
but most of all
I bring in champagne
Rick Ross![Cut to Rihanna]
Rihanna: The three wise men gave their gifts to Baby J. But there wouldn’t be a Baby J without Joseph and his Queen B married. The original team mom, who don’t need no sex to make a child. Ladies and gentlemen, [Cut to everybody. Justin Bieber and Beyonce are also there.] give it up for Justin Bieber and the Virgin Mary, Beyonce.[cheers and applause] [Cut to Justin Bieber and Beyonce]
Justin Bieber: Yo! I’m sorry I had to give birth out here, where all the animals live. I couldn’t afford a hotel room because I’m like, a poor carpenter’s son. I don’t know. You deserve better than this Beyonce.[Beyonce walks font.]
Beyonce: No, no, no. This moment is not about me. Let everybody have their moment. This moment is about my baby boy. Behold.[singing] He woke up like this!
Flawless. One day he’ll turn water into wine, and we’ll all be…
Rihanna: Glory to god and the highest who will…[singing] rain on it forever.
Isn’t that right, Jesus?[cut to Eminem, Riff Raff and Rick Ross] [music playing]
Eminem, Riff Raff and Rick Ross: Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.
Kanye West: [rapping] It’s your boy, Yeez-us
and I’m baby Jesus
and I am a god
and my dad is a god
and I am my dad, isn’t that rare
just coz it’s complicated
that doesn’t mean that is bad
Ya! They call me a freak
coz I wrap the weak
scream my name [mumbling] when I speak
Rihanna: And that’s exactly how it happened. And 300 years later, he still–[Cut to everybody]
Everybody: [singing] Shines bright like a bright star