Alina… Kate McKinnon

Taran Killam

Venessa Bayer

[Starts with Alina and Taran looking at eggs in a heated box.]

Alina: Any signs of life?

Taran: Zip. Maybe we need a stronger incubator.

Alina: Patience, honey. Nobody said urban farming would be easy.

Taran: It’s not just not easy, it’s tedious.

[Venessa looking from above the fence]

Venessa: It doesn’t have to be. Come on, take a look.

[Alina and Taran walk to see what Venessa is going to show] [Cut to Alina and Taran looking from above the fence.] [Cut to Venessa with many chicken around her.]

I gathered all these just this morning.

[She has a lot of eggs.] [Cut to Alina and Taran]

Alina: Wow, what’s your secret?

[cut to Venessa]

Venessa: I’ll show you. Meet me in my house, now.

[Alina and Taran jump off the fence.] [Cut to Alina, Taran and Venessa inside the house]

Let me introduce you to Nest-Spresso.

Taran: I’ve heard of Espresso for a fast cup o coffee.

Venessa: Yeah, but this is Nest-Spresso. For the instant incubation of a fertilized egg.

Alina: [surprised] No!

Venessa: Yeah! Just watch. You just pop the flowing cased fertilized egg pot in a top chamber. Then you close the lid, lock it, and press the button that says incubate.

Taran: It’s happening now!

[Cut to the Nest-Spresso machine. A chick comes out of it.] [Cut to Alina, Taran and Venessa]

Alina: Wow! Now that’s a cute little chick.

Taran: How does it work?

Venessa: I don’t know that part.

Taran: Ooh! I thought you’d know more about it.

Venessa: I wish I did. It’s really great. Here, you try one Alina.

Alina: How bout this dark one?

Venessa: Yeah, those are good. Make sure you put it in right side up, not up side down.

[Alina is using the Nest-Spresso]

Or else, you’ll kill the chick. You’ll just get a cup full of bones.

Taran: Yikes! Why?

Venessa: I don’t know. I wish I did.

[Cut to the Nest-Spresso machine. A black chick comes out of it.]

Taran: Oh! Honey, we have to get one of these. Let me try one.

Alina: This must have improved your life so much.

[Taran is using the Nest-Spresso]

Venessa: Yeah, it’s number one.

[Machine is making different sound]

Taran: Oh! That doesn’t sound good.

[Cut to the Nest-Spresso machine. Bones comes out of it.] [Cut to Alina, Taran and Venessa]

Venessa: Yeah, you did it wrong. Just put in another one on top of that one. I don’t know why it does that.

[Taran is using the Nest-Spresso again] [Cut to the Nest-Spresso machine. A white chick comes out of it.] [Cut to Nest-Spresso video bumper]

Male voice: Nest-Spresso. When you need your chicken fixed. Now!

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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