Theodore… Taran Killam
Olive… Sarah Silverman
Terrence Howard… Kenan Thompson
[Starts with a clip of Fault In Our Starts]Male voice: From the makers of Fault In Our Stars. [Cuts to clips from another movie] Comes in all new film about heartbreak, and teenage love against the odds.
[Theodore and Olive look at each other. They are in the hospital and they show the patient band to each other.]Based on the best selling novel.
Theodore: What’s your name?
Olive: Olive.
Theodore: I’m Theodore. At your service. [Olive laughs] [Theodore and Olive shake their hands] [Cut to Theodore and Olive walking around holding hands. Theodore is walking around with oxygen cylinder with her.]
Olive: When I said I’d do anything to get out of high school, this wasn’t exactly what I had in mind.
Theodore: Tell me your story.
Olive: Well, when I was first diagnosed, I didn’t really–
Theodore: No. Tell me your real story.
Male voice: Because being sick doesn’t have to be a life sentence.
Theodore: I know that love is just a shouting at the void and that oblivion is inevitable. But, I’m sticking with you no matter what kind of cancer you have.
Olive: No, I don’t have cancer. I have Ebola.
[audience laughing]Theodore: [shocked] Oh!
Male voice: It’s “The Fault In Our Stars 2: The Ebola In Our Everything.”
[Cut to Theodore moving away from Olive]Sometimes the most contagious disease is love.
[Olive smiles at Theodore] [Cut to Theodore in the farm at night]Olive: Maybe we should as your doctor if this is okay.
[Cut to Olive]Olive: If doctors know so much than why doctor dead from Ebola?
[Cut to Theodore fake smiling and walking away]Male voice: The movie that LA Times calls, “Astonishing.” And the World Health Organization calls, “Plausible.”
[Cut to Olive looking at the stars]Olive: I just live for these little infinities with you.
Theodore: Uh-huh.
[Cut to Olive]Olive: Can you hear me? You’re so far away.
[Cut to Theodore and Olive both lying on the ground but they are far away]Theodore: I’m good.
Male voice: USA Today says, “I laughed. I panicked. I mostly panicked.”
Olive: Let’s just travel the world. Get on a plane or a crowded bus and just go.
Theodore: Oh! That’s not a good idea.
Olive: Is this a good idea?
[Olive moves forward to kiss Theodore. Theodore is about to cry being scared.] [Cut to Terrence Howard ]Male voice: With Terrence Howard as the trusted guidance counselor.
Terrence Howard : It’s not how long you live, it’s how you live it.
[Cut to Theodore]Theodore: She wants to have sex.
Terrence Howard : Hell, no!
Theodore: Just a tip?
Terrence Howard : [thinks for a moment] Maybe.
[Cut to Olive undressing herself.] [Cut to Theodore undressing himself but he’s wearing hospital suit from the inside.]Male voice: The Fault In Our Stars 2: The Ebola In Our Everything. Because you can’t quarantine your heart.
