Kyle Mooney
Thero… Pete Davidson
Beck Bennett
Sasheer Zamata
King… Bill Hader
[Starts with clips of a man breathing fast in a broken elevator.]
[Slowly the ceiling opens. There are people looking down to you.]
[Kyle jumps in]
Kyle: Hey, semi. Welcome to Gray World.
[Kyle gives Thero a bag]
[Cut to Thero looking around. The place is surrounded by a wall.]
Male voice: This fall.
Thero: What is this place?
[Cut to Thero and Beck walking and looking at the wall]
It looks post-apocalyptic or something.
Beck: The metal fields. This is where the semi stayed where the groupers passed them on to the shorties for sorting.
Thero: What’s over those walls?
[Sasheer walks in]
Sasheer: Nothing much, except the death virus.
Male voice: From the director of Maze Runner. The producer of Divergent. And a casual fan of The Giver.
[Cut to Kyle following Thero in a field]
Kyle: Smooth move, kid. Showing up on category day! Now you’re gonna get put into category, no matter what. [Kyle throws a bag to Thero again]
Male voice: Adapted from YA novel, written entirely in the comment section of a Hunger Games trailer.
[Cut to Thero and Sasheer]
Sasheer: Who are you anyway?
Thero: My name’s Thero. I never met my parents but my name’s tattooed at my back.
[Thero opens his shirt.]
[Cut to Beck walking to Thero]
Beck: Wait a second. That doesn’t say Thero.
Thero: What does it say?
Beck: The Hero.
[Cut to an Asian man]
Asian man: Destiny!
Male voice: A hero will rise.
[Cut to King speaking from above to all the people. He has his face painted like a lady.]
King: You are all the same. There’s nothing special or unique about any of you. And now, you’ll be put into groups.
[Cut to Thero]
Thero: What does he mean, ‘groups’.
[Cut to Sasheer]
Sasheer: There is the emotionals, the foodies, the acidics and gryffindor.
[Cut to Thero]
Thero: When I grow up, I wanna be a freelander.
Sasheer: But you can’t. You were born as circumscriber and [Cut to Sasheer] and you always be.
[Cut to Thero]
Thero: But what if I wasn’t.
[Cut to Sasheer]
Sasheer: You’re right. You’re not. [Cut to Thero and Sasheer holding hands.] And I love you.
Thero: Dope.
[Cut to King]
King: You’ll be given even dirtier clothes arranged in lines. And you must obey me. Because I am your king. Or queen. You’ll figure it out.
[Sound of a metal rod being dragged on a floor is coming while King is trying to move.]
[King is struggling to move.]
[The bodyguards try to help.]
I got it! I got it! Thank you.
[Cut to the people walking in the underground path with fire torches.]
Male voice: A system will fall.
Thero: We’ve got to find a way out of here.
Sasheer: Even if you made it through, you still have to survive the lurkies. And they are lurking everywhere.
Beck: And you can only kill a lurky with a zoomerang. [Cut to Beck] But, nobody’s seen one of those for a thousand years to the day.
[Cut to Kyle]
Kyle: Unrelated. Do you have any necklaces?
[Cut to everybody]
Thero: Just this one.
[Thero shows his necklace. It has a shape of boomerang.]
Sasheer: You’re the chosen one. And I’m a virgin pregnant with your baby.
[Cut to Thero]
Thero: Well, that sucks!
[Cut to King walking in his castle wit his bodyguards.]
King: Bring me the one they call Thero. Dead or alive. But preferably alive. Right? Boop!
[Cut to Kyle, Thero, Beck and Sasheer]
Beck: It’s still lurkies. Quick, let’s hide in the dream swamp.
Kyle: We can’t, swampsters!
Thero: Then we’ve only got one choice. [Showing his boomerang necklace] We fight!
[Cut to an Asian man]
Asian man: Zoomerang!
[Cut to the people running]
Male voice: On October Kyle0th, meet The Group Hopper.
Thero: We will not be categoried!
Male voice: Put him in a group and he’ll hop his ass right out.
[Cut to Thero]
Thero: Hey lurky! [Cut to a goat with a helmet on] It’s time to change the world.
[Thero throws the zoomerang at the lurky. The zoomerang just falls under the lurky, but it blasts when the lurky steps on it.]
[Cut to an Asian man]
Asian man: What?
Male voice: The Group Hopper. Rated G for asexual kissing.
