Anne… Sarah Silverman
Vanessa Bayer[Starts with two women walking in the kitchen after workout with towels on the shoulders.]
Anne: Ah! Great workout.
Venessa: Oh, I’ve got just the thing. Try this kale apple smoothie.[Venessa passes smothie to Anne and Anne drinks it.]
Anne: That’s delicious. Did you make this?
Venessa: [looking at the camera] I sure did. With my Vitamix Pro 750 blender. [There’s a black blender in front of her] It’s amazing. It blends ingredients completely and evenly for ultra smooth creamier results.
Anne: This is smooth.
Venessa: It’s also great at making nut butters and grinding grains into flours.
Anne: My blender can’t do any of that. How much is it?
Venessa: Well, it’s up there.
Venessa: And look, just set it to a variety of preset modes. Soups, porridge, I mean, ah!
Anne: That’s really cool. Is it like $200?
Venessa: No. Um..
Anne: So, it’s less.
Venessa: Well, no. But it’s more than that. [Cut to Venessa and the blender.] But did I tell you that it blends ingredients completely? Like, even nut butters. [Venessa laughs] [Cut to Anne]
Anne: Yea, yea, you said it made stuff creamy. It can’t be more than $300, right?[Cut to Anne and Venessa]
Venessa: Well, it kind of is. But, look at the soft griped organically designed handle. I mean, ah!
Anne: Yeah, that’s great.[Cut to Anne] But still, money wise, I’m gonna go crazy and say it’s $400?[Cut to Anne and Venessa]
Venessa: Okay, okay, just watch this. [Venessa opens the lid and puts an apple in the blender.] Put this in here. And, okay.[Venessa starts the blender]
Do you see what it’s doing to this apple? I didn’t even core it. And it’s so quiet.[Anne turns the blender off]
Anne: No, it’s not that quiet. Dina, seriously, how much is this?
Venessa: 650.[Cut to Anne]
Anne: Wow! Really? Wow! [Cut to Anne and Venessa] Okay.
Venessa: You know, it’s a great blender. I use it everyday. It makes nut butters. So, yeah! 650 is a lot but– I don’t know. It just works so good and pulses–[Venessa puts a carrot in the blender and turns it on and quickly, off]
Anne: What are you doing?[Cut to Venessa]
Venessa: I feel like you’re judging me. Like, you think that I’m crazy.
Anne: I don’t. I’m not. I- I didn’t say anything like that. [Cut to Anne and Venessa] I think it’s a great blender.
Venessa: It is. It absolutely is. You should get one. I mean, if you can.[Cut to Anne looking offended.]
Anne: If I can?[Cut to Venessa]
Venessa: No, I just– The way you reacted when I told you the price. [Cut to Anne and Venessa] It makes it seem like maybe you don’t have that kind of income to cover a purchase like this.
Anne: Yeah! Okay! Well, you and your nut butter maybe need to dilate back a little bit.
Venessa: I’m just trying to share with you how great this machine is. And you’re just– [Cut to Venessa] Look, um, I know you’re having a hard time financially.[Cut to Anne and Venessa]
Venessa: You have money problems.
Anne: How do you even know my money situation?
Venessa: Anne, this community is small. You know that. Anne!
Anne: Robert and I are, we’re gonna be fine, okay? You can just let everybody know that if they’re so concerned.[Cut to Anne and Venessa]
Venessa: Okay. I will.
Anne: We can get a Vitamix! We can get a Vitamix in two seconds if we wanted to.
Venessa: I never said you couldn’t, Anne. Look, do you want any more juice?
Anne: I don’t want anymore anything.
Venessa: Okay, then I think you could just go home.
Anne: Great! I will.[Anne takes her glass, throws it to the sink and leaves.] [Cut to Venessa feeling angry] [Cut to Vitamix commercial]
Female voice: Vitamix, they’re just jealous.[Cut to Venessa in her kitchen.] [Anne walks by the window behind Venessa]
Anne: Enjoy all the ridiculous expensive stuff you own.
Venessa: I do!