Michael Che[Starts with Weekend Update intro]
Announcer: It’s Weekend Update with Colin Jost and Michael Che.[cheers and applause] [Cut to Colin Jost and Michael Che at their news set.]
Colin Jost: Good evening. Welcome to Weekend Update. I’m Colin Jost.
Michael Che: I’m Michael Che. And here are tonight’s top stories.[Cut to Michael Che. there’s a picture of USA and China’s flags at right top corner.]
This week, China and US reached a historic agreement to cut carbon emissions. [Picture changes to ISIS flag] The leader of ISIS may have been killed in an airstrike. [Cut to a satellite in space] And a space craft landed on a comet 300 million miles away. [Picture changes to Kim Kardashian’s picture on magazine’s front page.] But that ass though. The cover for latest issue of Paper magazine featuring a naked pictures of Kim Kardashian was viewed online more than 16 million people. So, thank you Kim, I can now find porn just by googling the word paper.[Cut to Colin Jost. There’s a picture of Barack Obama at left top corner.]
Colin Jost: Getting back to real news, the Michael Che0Colin Jost5 Obamacare open enrollment period began today. And president Obama urged Americans to spread the word and check their insurance options on healthcare.gov. Except they can’t because [Picture changes to Kim Kardashian’s picture on front page of a magazine again] someone broke the internet. Okay, I promise, that was the last one.[Cut to Michael Che]
Michael Che: But that ass though. Damn![Cut to Colin Jost. There’s a picture of leaders taking oath.]
Colin Jost: This week, president Obama traveled to Asia to meet with leaders from China, Russia and Japan to deal with some pretty tough questions, like, [Cut to a picture of Vladimir Putin, Barack Obama and Xi Jinping wearing same outfit.] who wore it best?
On Thursday, ISIS announced plans to issue its own currency which will be independent of the currency of western economies but will still be accepted in more places than [Picture chances to Discover card.] Discover.[Cut to Michael Che. There’s a picture of US and China flag.]
Michael Che: The US and China signed a historic agreement to cut green house gases by the year Michael Che030. [Picture changes to a polar bear] “Sooner”, screamed this polar bear.